To feel that I can’t get married…

I deleted my post asking the same thing! As a 40 year old woman with an adult daughter it seems an odd thing to 1 be worried about and 2 to have never heard of a small wedding/ small venue. If this is the real reason, then fine, but I immediately thought it sounds like making up excuses, which of course is also fine to decide you don't actually want a wedding/ to get married. If you don't want a wedding but do want the legal commitment just pop down the registry office with the few people then invite everyone to the pub after. The wedding isn't necessary.

One of the absolute best weddings I'd ever been to had around 40 guests. What they did, which worked really well, was have a pre wedding activity/dinner the night before, then their more traditional wedding reception/evening dancing etc the day after. It cut the awkwardness of 40 people who might not know each other or be part of one big friendship group having to make small talk, dance etc. on the day of the wedding - by the time it got to that point everyone was very relaxed in each others company, so the "party" bit went really well. Appreciate two days of celebrating is more expensive, but the fact you have a smaller group might make up for it.

You’re being ridiculous. I went to a wedding last month with only 20 people. It was lovely.

That is plenty of guests. Its not embarrassing at all. Think of all the big weddings with grumpy teenagers of 3rd cousins removed, weird Uncles skulking in the corner, golf buddies of your parents.

I went to a lovely one about 25 - church wedding then short walk to small local restaurant - they had booked it for the whole afternoon and evening. Meal and speeches, they had a team quiz, a game of Mr and Mrs, people could wander round and chat. Later they pushed all the tables back and had a bit of a disco and brilliant late night snacks. It's was fantastic. One of my favourites and I've been to loads.

Just elope somewhere nice - 1st world problems dear me!

@weddingembarrassment

You are being ridiculous. I thought you were going to say you were going to have only 5 people there between the 2 of you! Sounds like there will over 30!

A woman I know (in her late 50s) had her daughter (only child) get married earlier in the year, and her daughter's husband had 26 family members, and 8 mates. My friend's daughter just had 2 friends, and her parents (my friend and her husband.) Just 4 people!

That's it. 34 people on the groom's side, and 4 on the bride's. They spread them about a bit at the venue, so there were 19 people on each side, but this woman felt really awkward and embarrassed that there was no other family... Hers and her DH's parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles are all dead, the daughter has no siblings, and this woman and her DH are both only children. So no siblings of theirs, (aunts and uncles for their daughter.) They have a few cousins between them, about 8,) but they've not had any contact for 20 years or so.

Now SHE had the right to feel a bit awkward and embarrassed.. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, and she shouldn't feel awkward, and no-one cared. But it's understandable that she did feel awkward.

.

DH and I have big families and lots of friends, but we were hard up when we got engaged. We married at my parents parish church - 16 of us in total. It was bliss.

Traditional church service, but in the chancel (small bit at the top where the choir sit, so felt intimate), photos in the churchyard after, back to my parents house for homemade wedding cake, sandwiches and champagne, then out for a late lunch at a nice hotel overlooking the sea in a private room. Drinks on the terrace later then everyone headed off around 9pm. It was delightful.

We then held a big party the following year; lots of fun, but the actual small wedding was so special.

Just do that, with a register office if you’re not religious. A private room in a nice restaurant after with photos taken outside the venue or in a local park. Have a fantastic time- and congratulations!

Husband and I felt a bit pathetic when we were discussing our guest list…
In the end we just ditched the “big” wedding plans. At the ceremony, we had our parents, our siblings (2 siblings each), and nieces and nephews. We went to a local pub for a meal that a few more family members and close friends were invited to. After that, we moved to the bar area of the pub and were joined by the rest of our friends. It was lovely, all the pub locals were joining in the celebrations, and it cost a lot less than our original plan!

My DSon had 30 guests, which I thought was brilliant.
Forget the two tier guests. Just invite who you want.
Worse wedding I went to was my DSister. Best wedding was the same DSister (her second wedding). She had a smallish wedding, and an included meal in a restaurant afterwards. No evening stuff, so we did not have to worry about nightime babysitting.

You need 2 witnesses
You dont need a big, costly wedding

My friend married recently with 6 guests
Despite knowing lots of people
It was intimate & beautiful

It is YOUR wedding, plan it exactly as you wish !

Sounds like a fab, intimate affair where you can afford to do things really nicely.
Give everyone a plus one and see what happens.
Huge weddings have nothing to do with having lots of friends, it's usually relations and people who once upon a time, invited you to their wedding.
I had maybe 10 friends at my wedding but the numbers still climbed to 130.
Would have loved a more intimate situation like yours.

You want to be married but you arent doing it because people will think you dont have many friends?

Is that really the reason?

We chose to have a small and intimate wedding with only our nearest and dearest there. That was all family, no friends. We just did a lovely informal lunch and didn't have an evening do. To be frank - an evening do would be my idea of hell!

it was fantastic! Really comfortable for us both and we were able to speak to everyone, plus it was a really great way for both sides of our families to get to know each other.

We only had about 15 at our wedding.

We chose the venue to reflect the size of the wedding party. We had a lovely day in the company of those closest to us.

i had my wedding in Australia (I’m uk). We had 11 guests. It was perfect. I hate big weddings, they are so impersonal

Honestly the smaller weddings I’ve been to are FAR better than a load of people. It’s so much more real and intimate, less chaotic. You can enjoy nicer things with smaller numbers. Anyway that number isn’t small to me at all! You have some close friends in your life, that to me is the best, so many people don’t have that. When people have big weddings they are inviting all the acquaintances, everyone their parents know, people down the pub etc
Honestly, smaller is so much better. You’ll be able to chat to everyone and enjoy it more. The people who count will all be there, not a load of randoms.

I think that’s plenty of guests!

I know what you mean …. You worry that the friends you invite might think “oh that’s odd, I didn’t realise I was one of her only friends.”

But what your friends are actually thinking is “oh we she values my friendship enough to invite to her wedding, I feel honoured.”

Pros of not having a huge wedding: your budget goes further. Receptions are often more fun in a small intimate venue where people can choose their preferred menu not be forced to eat bland chicken. You have time to talk to everyone properly.

Cons: if you planned to get married in St Paul’s Cathedral you will look like Billy no mates.

HRTFT but yes of course you can. There are small, exclusive use wedding venues that would be perfect for you. We had a beautiful ‘proper’ wedding with less than 15. It was the most amazing day and exactly us.

Why are you so bothered about what other people think ?
In your 40s..

Is there something else behind this , OP?

I am guessing you lost your Mum - are you sad she won’t be there?

Just do a lovely registry office wedding and lunch after with closest people.

Your in your 40s and you're embarrassed about the amount of people who might or might not attend your wedding???!!!? Good lord. How much were you expecting to spend on this lavish wedding? Is there nothing more meaningful in your life you could spend most of that money on?

Of course you're not too old! My point was only that smaller weddings are a lot more common for people a little older, so no need to feel embarrassed. Hope that didn't land wrongly!

OP, in my circle since Covid, small intimate weddings are very popular.
They are far more interested in investing in their houses than showy weddings.

If I was doing it, I definitely would go low key.