To feel that I can’t get married…

100 this
The princess for the day.. the big dress... the entourage of bridesmaids
Never mind the expectation of an engagement gift... hen party at home.. hen party abroad
I would never do bridesmaid again... having to traipse round bridal shops on a Saturday (my day off) in a crowded town and put off with cold bridal shop staff
And the bloody what's app hen group chat

Of course it would be lovely. You just pick a venue suitable for the numbers you have. Don't rattle around in a massive ballroom. There are venues for weddings of all sizes. With 30 people you'll find venues much easier to come by too. I know people who had their reception in a restaurant, in a pub and at their Mil's (mid-terrace) house! I think fondly of all of them.

With lower numbers you have time to interact properly with all your guests too.

We had 25 people at ours, immediate family and close friends only. It was lovely and we're still together 21 years later.
It'll be fine. I love an intimate wedding.

We only had close family at our wedding (2nd time for both of us) 3 grown up children and partners, and 2 grandchildren. It was lovely! You book a suitable size venue and it will be fine.

i think they’re may be something else bothering you, as the size of the guest list is no one’s concern apart from you and your partner.

I honestly couldn’t think of anything worse than a big wedding now I’m older. When I was engaged in my early 20’s we were planning 100 - 120 people but went to my the fiancé’s cousins wedding of roughly the same number and I was completely overwhelmed. His cousin (the bride) barely got chance to sit down as she was chatting to various groups of family and guests all afternoon. I decided then and there that we would do 50 people max. We ended up splitting up anyway but if I was to get married now I think 30 would be my absolute max. I wouldn’t do day guests/ evening guests with that number as seems a bit odd. I would just have who I really want there for the whole thing, if that’s just 15 people then so be it. It would be much more intimate and relaxed IMO

I had 2 witnesses, that were strangers! Got married at Gretna Green, and had a party when we got back to London, inviting friends, family and acquaintances

Have you thought about asking your father if he would like a couple of friends at the wedding? (Likewise any adult children). It’s quite normal for parents to have a few friends. I appreciate that you are in your 40s and this might be inappropriate but if there is someone it could be lovely for both you and your dad. Enjoy the wedding planning.

Have a wonderful wedding OP. Smaller weddings are definitely more of a thing. I've seen them called "microweddings".

Your vision sounds beautiful. Get that barn booked and get planning!

If you booked out a small but lovely restaurant, you could have a WONDERFUL wedding party.

Get married!

But maybe your qualms about the size of the wedding party are a cover up for deeper doubts? Just think about that, and if you reject my suggestion violently & immediately, have a great party. A marriage is for life, not the wedding party.

I had 43 people at my wedding and they are all lucky that I had that many there because my original plan was to get married with no one there at all apart from a couple of strangers from the street as witnesses but my mum was horrified at the idea of me getting married like that so I had the smallest wedding I could manage and it was the best day of my life, the amount of people there doesn’t matter because you won’t even notice and neither will anyone else.

I’ve had 2 weddings. First with about 250 guests, second with 6. Both nice in their own way. Overall the smaller one felt more special and more personal. You can really tailor the day to what you both love in a way that is difficult and / or expensive with more guests. Can you view the smaller guest list as an opportunity to drop some of the standard wedding expectations and create a more bespoke and intimate and memorable occasion?

ETA just saw your latest update. Glad you’re feeling more positive about it all and ready to start planning your day

Gosh, Do you want to get married, or do you want to show the world how popular you are? Your dilemma sounds so shallow...

We had it in a fancy 18th century London House with 100 guests. My husband insisted on this and the guest invitation list grew. It was not what I wanted but happened to pay half off anyway. I didnt tell him, but arrived to the venue in a mini cab - he was peeved : ) We got divorced 12 years later.

At my 2nd (real marriage), I wanted just the 2 of us and witnesses. In the end we had our children, close family and DH's friends. All 20 of us, fancy food, cocktails and a good old chat. It was bliss.

The wedding day is ONE day. The marriage is what matters.

It's simply got into your head that it's embarrassing, and that somehow you'd be seen as Norma-and-Norman- No-Mate yet it's simply not true! Bless you ❤️!! You recognise that it's in your mind ('can’t seem to get past this') so just tell that thought to pop off out again! Our brains are funny things sometimes aren't they! Yours sounds like an ideal, likely much more affordable, intimate and likely fun wedding-to-be ... you'll have all of those things AND you'll get to be husband and wife at the finish! Now go and plan! And have a lovely wedding ❤️👏

Don't be silly. Of course you can have a wedding with these numbers. It will be a lovely intimate affair and won't break the bank like a big wedding would.

I got married last month and we only had 2 people there our mums. Hes got a big family I hardly have anyome to invite so we kept it super simple. Registry office, afternoon tea. It was lovely and simple.

We had a small wedding. It was lovely and cheap! I think you’re actually very fortunate that you don’t have to waste money on a big wedding.

10 people at our wedding! Close family only. No one insulted. So easy to arrange, so easy to talk to everyone, so easy to get great photos and so much cheaper! Smaller is great don’t sweat about it.

It's okay to have a 'tiny' wedding or 'intimate' wedding. You don't need loads of guests. The benefit is you may feel more comfortable as you will know them all, and it can feel less formal. It's you and your fiances special day, you plan it to suit you. We had a tiny wedding. No more than 30 for the day with maybe 10-20 extra for the evening.

Just get married.
Weddings are an example of unaffordable one-up-manship. No adult needs tk be a 'princess for a day'.
We had 3 people at ours: me, my husband and a witness from the street.
It was perfect.

Sounds like an ideal number! It means you can have more of a quality wedding-nicer food etc.

Weddings aren't about the numbers you really need to stop worrying about that.

Book a nice venue and get on with it.

X

how sad ...

Enjoy a wonderful day op! 💗