AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

It's not a one-off, the child is only 8 and no doubt there will be other trips they want to do.

And the OP could fall under a bus tomorrow, you never know what might happen.

Not her child, not her responsibility. She could say yes for a couple of days but not a couple of weeks or even one week, that's mad. It's not even school time so you've got the niece the whole time - that is a hell of a commitment.

It's surprising how often people do this sort of thing.

My son used to do an activity and the leader's parents decided to give her a Christmas present of a trip to Argentina - 3 weeks away. They just booked it without checking on her professional commitments.

And a few years later I was in a team of 3 and two of us had booked time off around Easter. The third person's parents decided to invite on a cruise with them and book it without asking her first. My boss wasn't impressed but did let her have the time off too.

But who does that? You don't just book things for people without checking they can go/have other commitments (like a child!)

The bride has one child, an 8 year old DD. Ideally OP would have phrased it as her sister having a baby who became a toddler, but she didn't. However, it is very clear from the posts and the context that there is only one nibling to be cared for.

But you still haven't answered the question!!!! 😩

I probably would have helped for one week but you’re under no obligation to, the in laws should have arranged childcare really.

OP has already said her parents have been away for that long before. Not all kids are the same.

Personally, I wouldn’t want to spend a fortnight away from my children, especially when it wouldn’t be a quick and easy drive/train ride to get back to them.
my children also wouldn’t like it. For us, a weekend (sometimes long) away is the sweet spot. But some children can’t even do a night.
horses for courses.

maybe this child is ok with it, and enjoys the excitement that can come with family sleepovers.

maybe she’s not. We don’t know that.

Bloody hell OP, this is absolutely bonkers.

YOU have planned a two week holiday with your DH to fit around your caring responsibilities for MIL. You have plans in that time.

This is someone unilaterally deciding to trash your holiday. It's incredibly rude. YADNBU and please stick to a firm 'no, that's not possible we've made other plans'. I'd personally be inventing a 2 week trip to Ibiza.

I also feel for the poor child - suddenly being separated from her parents with no warning. She must feel really unwanted. I think you'd remember being left behind whilst they have a last minute holiday, not in a good way, at 8. Maybe she'd quite like to go to France too, maybe she was looking forward to spending some time with her parents in the summer hols. How sad for her.

The vast majority of 8-year olds would not cope well with being away from their parents for 2 weeks in the summer holidays. A few days - fine, but 2 weeks is excessive and this is not a one-off.

I don't really care if acknowledging this makes anyone feel judged.

You care about the potential for hurt feelings amongst mums who read this and feel judged. But where is your care for the child?

.

Because ... BRIDE!!!💝👰

(I'm agreeing with you btw!)

This. I don’t understand why Bridezilla’s wants for her own holiday trump Bridezilla’s DD’s, OP’s, OP’s DH’s, and OP’s DC’s wants for their holidays…

And her DSis has her whole life to take a week off with her DH - they have been together at least 9 years and been away for a holiday without their DD at least once.

what about the niece's feelings?

no, never lie about stuff like this.

They should have asked well in advance but I would have her as its a one off and she is your family. You have your whole life to take time off with your husband so a week with your niece don't kill you.

He thought it would be fine cos he thought they could take her. Which would be fine - for normal parents.

Honeymoons came about for two main reasons, a little because before cars, trains and planes it was hard for everyone to get to the wedding so the newly weds often did a sort of display tour to mark the fact the bride and groom were off the market and had sealed the deal, and also, and more importantly, because in the days when you didn't spend time together without a chaperone, they needed to get to know each other. Yes, of course "carnal" knowledge, but also really what we would now call a pretty basic knowledge of what makes them tick generally: moods, tastes, interests, pet hates.

If you don't have children and you can afford it (and lots can't) it can be a nice tradition for a newly-wed couple, but not when no-one wants to mind your child and you've lived together for many years anyway. In those circumstances it should be what it is: a family holiday, not a "honeymoon."

Which it would've been if they'd taken her with them, as was his original plan.

No he was assuming they’d take her with them! It’s OP’s sister suggesting they leave her behind.

True, but they want everything! Now now now!

She’s already said it’s in France.

How some people come to the conclusion that OP is selfish, but not the mother of this child whose job it is to look after her own child, is laughable
Let's not forget that it's the child's father – whose job it also is to look after his own child – who just said yes to the holiday cottage and thought it would all just 'be fine' about their daughter.

Agree the ILs are probably just as taken aback the bride cannot accommodate her child and have stretched to one week of babysitting they didn't expect to have to offer, hoping the other might get covered by the other side of the family.

It is the bride being unreasonable here. Everyone else has helped with her wedding, offered her free accommodation in France and DH has offered to take the child with them.

Is it abroad op or UK ?

What would be the arrangement in SILs and parents shared the childcare and maybe they only went away for a week so a sort of compromise ? I do think 2 weeks away from your 8 yr old is a bit much even for a honey moon a week is plenty .

It's fine to say no. You don't feel up to it.