AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

Been married 18 years. Nobody has ever looked after my children for even a night away, and I certainly don’t expect them to. YANBU

Agree with this 100%. You’re absolutely in the right OP. Don’t get pressured into anything. Maybe the PILs can look after the child for night or two but can’t believe the couple expect or even want much more time away from their poor kid.

You all seem rather pressured when actually it’s the 8 year old that suffers the most being unwanted by all the family.

@Jane143 Personally, what I find most surprising is that the Mum wants to leave her DD for two weeks and expects other people to organize the childcare. The Dad wasn't planning to leave their DD behind.

It doesn't sound as if many posters, myself included, know parents who'd do this to their eight-year-old and the fact that they're getting married doesn't make any difference. A few days away is the max - when she's older, they'll have decades to take long holidays by themselves.

Just reiterate NO.
2 weeks is a long time to leave a child. They should take dd.

Ah, in that case, I take it back about the in laws. Their offer of a holiday, shouldn’t involve you providing any sort of childcare (let alone the bulk of it!). Good for you for being clear.

Have you heard anything from your sister?

i think it’s best you decline if you don’t want to do it. I feel two weeks is too long to be away when you have children especially to rely on others but I also feel it’s a bit mean spirited not to offer for a few days.

I think it’s a mistake offering a couple of days and I would withdraw that offer. It will be disruptive for the little girl anyway being shunted around. They need to have a proper plan for her care for the whole two weeks.

YY @44PumpLane - when you are gritting your teeth to hang on through a stressful time, because you know you have a holiday/night out/spa day or whatever coming up, it hits so much harder if it looks like you might lose that break!

Honestly OP stick to your guns- you are allowed to need a break!

I'm currently exhausted from work and my own family. If I was also dealing with helping my sibling organise their wedding it would be too much- I am literally counting down the days to my holiday now.

If it was sudden to dumped on me that I was now going to be responsible for my nephew then I'd be gutted.

Unfortunately this is what happens when you have kids, you can't just assume you can disappear for 2 weeks of uninterrupted adult time!

Hello, I read the thread a bit more and actually edited my comment, realised it wasn’t the man’s fault (makes a nice change!), so your reply doesn’t make sense anymore but I just wanted to say that’s why.

We took our 6 month old baby with us on honeymoon. 2 weeks is a lot to ask of you I think, maybe do a long weekend?

The trouble with offering to do a couple of days is that you are reliant on whoever is next taking your niece. If they say no, don’t answer the phone or similar then what are you going to do? Unless it is the final few days and you can take her back to her mum on the last day.

Why did the in laws keep it a secret? And how does your sister going to say ‘hey kid, me and your dad are going on a really nice holiday for two weeks but you’re not. Sorry’. If they had told her ages ago all this could have been thrashed out.

Oh stop being bloody silly. You’re the sister, aren’t you.

I agree with the poster who said the groom’s family are cheeky for volunteering your annual leave. The SIL needs to butt out, too.

Your sister is odd for not only expecting two weeks of childcare but wanting to be away from her 8yo DD for that amount of time, especially after such a huge event in a very young child’s life.

Well done to your new BIL for expecting his (step?) DD to go with them.

You are DNBU to say no.

Oh, I assumed it was sisters in law as well!

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Reply to your sister’s in-laws and say that this is a lovely gift but it’s their gift, not yours. You would have told them you weren’t available to babysit if you’d been asked. Unfortunately you have other plans which make you unavailable for that period. Happy to discuss an alternative time when you could be available but it won’t be for this fortnight.

So it’s fine for the mother to dispense with her daughter for 2 weeks, but not fine for the OP to decline babysitting?

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon.

Ah, OK, I see what you mean and I think you are probably right!

But whichever in-laws it is, they have a business to run so can only cover a week of childcare, and thus wouldn't be able to go to the holiday home with DNiece for the second week.

So you slowly let this relationship be a one sided thing. She’s taking and you’re giving. Why would she want to change that.

I didn’t read it as sisters-in-law, I read it as the sister’s in-laws (as in Pils)

and I think that playing pass the puppy is a cruel thing to do to an 8 year old child.

NOOOOOOOO!

It was a mistake moralising about this, because now you've opened yourself up to criticism about okaying leaving an 8 year old for a fortnight. Personally I couldn't imagine being willing to do that for a holiday cottage and some uninterrupted shagging.