AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

I haven't said there's anything wrong with wanting romantic time with your partner. I just think most parents accept that once you become parents, that a 2 week chunk of uninterrupted child free time is unrealistic. Not just in the sense of what support network you have, but at the cost of the relationship with your child. Long weekend, fine. Two weeks, and by the sounds of it not really caring much about the child's experience (ie it's not like the bride is arranging some fun alternative for the kid, it's just 'who will have her')
Having kids does change a relationship dynamic. If you don't want that, don't have kids!

In all honesty, she has a point.

It always strikes me as a double standard wanting to buy into all the bridal magazine parts of the wedding, including the virginal deflowering retreat of the honeymoon, yet none of the actual fundamentals of the ceremony.

I mean I get that people have children before marriage, but if they are going to be lenient of parts of the tradition, there isn't really any reason they need to insist on being sticklers for the holiday bit at everyone else's inconvenience.

Done more than your fair share to help with this wedding and all the rest of it. Enjoy 2 weeks of peaceful bliss!

No absolutely not. And it’s always amusing when people post here about not getting any help with grandparents etc and they are told they are entitled, their choice to have kids, nobody else’s responsibility to provide childcare blah blah blah. But as soon as it’s presented from the other side the op is told they are selfish not to help. I particularly enjoyed one poster telling the op that they can’t be that shattered 😂

Anyway op, don’t do it if you don’t want to. The in laws have planned this and they can have the child. Totally unfair to dump it on you at such short notice. Can you just say you have a holiday or pre paid stuff booked as well?

I don’t think I sound anything. 🤣

I’m just sharing what I would do in the OPs position.

Does your sister help you out often?
Did she help you with childcare when your kids were young?
Is your relationship generally reciprocal?

If you tend to do a lot more for her than she does for you, I'd stick to my no. But if she's always been good to you and helped you a lot when you've needed her help I'd agree to look after her daughter for a week.

Yep, I think he has a DW problem!

You'd automatically give up your annual leave at the last minute because your sister has changed her mind and wants to leave her child at home?

You seem to think you sound kind. You don’t.

Absolutely.

I just wouldn’t put spending some time pottering around at home with my partner above helping my sister out with something this big - especially if I had two weeks off so could do both, have my niece for a week, and relax for a week.

thats just the dynamic in my family though.

Only on Mumsnet would someone need 2 weeks to relax after someone else’s wedding 🤣🤣🤣

Yanbu at all. She’s a mum. There’s no right to suddenly not have that responsibility for a honeymoon. That’s for couples who haven’t already had kids either together or with someone before. If she wants that fantasy, she has to organise it and fund/arrange proper childcare, it’s not your problem to solve. Sounds like you’ve done plenty already for her so don’t be guilt tripped. Enjoy your break.

It would be better for the child to stay with one person rather than being passed from pillar to post.
OP is certainly not being unreasonable. She has booked leave to have time off.
That is unless her sister looked after her children for a week at a time.

‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting quality time with your partner.’

That applies to OP too. Being parents of teens can be hard so it’s important OP spends quality time with her husband. 😉

I wouldn’t leave my children for 2 weeks at the ages they are, but plenty of people do, so to each their own.

@bitmiffed26 I think it's fairly unusual tbh. A few days away, but not two weeks.

Well in our family this is what we would automatically do and have done several times cared for nieces and nephews, cousins etc but only for a week not 2 as it's a nice thing to do for family who are getting married

The fact that my sister has asked me would be reason enough for me.

I wouldn’t leave my children for 2 weeks at the ages they are, but plenty of people do, so to each their own.
Life doesn’t stop when you have children, a honeymoon IS a romantic time, having a child there would change the dynamic. There’s nothing wrong with wanting quality time with your partner.
yes, it would have been a non issue if they got married before children, but that’s the same for any time away, isn’t it?

It sounds like they gave the gift of the holiday for their son, OPs sister AND their child. OPs sister has had the fabulous idea of not taking their child and is trying to palm her off onto OP. 🤨

How some people come to the conclusion that OP is selfish, but not the mother of this child whose job it is to look after her own child, is laughable. Are they trolling because I find it difficult to take them seriously?

Your sister sounds quite entitled and I wouldn’t enable her by offering! I’d probably compromise on 3 nights at the end. You and your husband are entitled to a break too. Get on booking.com sharpish

I’ll take your older school and raise you. My Granny was of the era unmarried sisters moved in with married ones to help care for offspring. This is 1 week. 1 week. After just getting married. Take your child negates the point of a honeymoon to spend time with your new spouse. Point is I’d do it for siblings or close friends. This boundaries obsession sometimes goes far too far. Imho. Nothing to argue about. Just my view that now and then, just occasionally its ok to set yourself on fire to keep folk you love most warm knowing they’d do same for you.

You think OP is selfish?

But the mother going off for multiple 2-week trips without her young child, expecting others to do weeks of babysitting, is absolutely fine of course

🙄🙄🙄 right back at you

I'd do some childcare, but I agree that they're being cheeky @NotHappyFamilies and not very kind to their DD. If you're comfortable with two-three days, that's what you should agree to.

The in-laws organized this holiday, they should organize the childcare.

I would help out with two weeks childcare for my niece's or nephews if I felt there were good reason. I wouldn't do it in this situation because it seems shitty for the child. Dad was expecting her to come on the holiday, but mum wants to pretend it's a honeymoon in the traditional sense, ie romance before children arrive? For two weeks?

I read it as OPs sister lived abroad when OPs children were young so the sister didn’t help with childcare. Then the sister came home to England when she was pregnant and soon after had her own baby to look after. OP didn’t ask her sister for childcare because her sister then had her own young child to look after, the same child that is now 8. OP had been asked how much her sister helped out with her children when they were younger so the answer is not very much.

Two weeks is a long time to leave an 8 year old. A week might be ok but I think the child will object to 2 weeks.

If you offered to have her for a weekend that would be different but someone expecting you to take her for a week is cheeky. You're entitled to enjoy your own holiday