AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

Completely agree with your point about marriage putting the brakes on a bit.

I call my partner my husband sometimes for ease aswell, as we've been together for so long now, but for us there wouldn't be any benefit to get married. Neither of us have a pot to piss in when it comes to assets etc lol, and we've never had joint finances or anything.

Maybe I'm too cautious to be honest lol. I've always made sure that I can look after myself and the kids alone should anything happen with us.

Also agree, that was a ridiculous comment that needed to be challenged! ❤

My own personal view is that ideally you have children after marriage. The least I'd have expected is a man to put a ring on my finger before I'd be risking stetchmarks and droopy boobs. Why have children with somebody who hasn't made a legal commitment? And yes, I did have a childfree honeymoon. No, I'm not Catholic or particularly religious

Not the point at all but how can you leave a young child for 2 weeks?!

Most I have left them - with their dad I might add - was for a 1 week work trip and it was too long.

Don’t let anyone guilt you!

it’s perfectly ok to say no

ire perfevtly ok to say listen I just can’t. I don’t have the energy.

I love you but it’s ok to have boundaries.

You've done enough. She should be grateful for all the help you've already given.

Don't be guilted into agreeing. Someone else can look after their child. If not, they'll have to take her with them.

You need a break. Make sure you get one. Annual leave is such a precious commodity these days. It should be savoured. Enjoy!🍷😎

You've done plenty of babysitting. Plus the babysitting you did in the run up to the wedding

Of course not

thats a huge ask

if they want to help them go on holiday then I suggest they do it all

tuck no would I be doing that!

nope.

@PrettyLittleRose Well due to Covid we married 18 months after the birth of our daughter - made zero difference. We wouldn't have had a snazzy honeymoon anyway and as it happens our "honeymoon" was a long weekend away with our daughter in the UK.
So no - wasn't essential for us to be married before we had our daughter.

Why didn't they sort childcare before booking the holiday or did they just assume?

I'd do this (a week) for my sister, but I'd try rope in the rest of the family to help.

I think you are right and it is a lot of the things you mention.

I don't think marriage solves many of those issues, nor, to be clear, do I think you can't be a good parent without it. But I do think it acts as a brake on some of the recklessness with which relationships are navigated these days, and I do think at a certain level it seeks to bring assurances and stability to the raising of children.

But now we are derailing op's thread! The "don't let your cross get caught up your fanny"(or whatever the wording was!) comment was, however, too bigoted to let pass unchallenged.

Why can’t they go away for a week and let the inlaws take care of the child ?
There is a child involved they don’t have the luxury of having two weeks off
They are taking the piss

Definitely not unreasonable.

I say tell your sister "sorry, but we have made plans to go away and have some bookings that aren't suitable for an eight year old (nice resturant, theatre, things with teens etc etc)"

Another classic is to throw your kids under the bus and say that they're still struggling with post-GSCE crash, or need to revise if midway through a course.

Fitting in an eight year old when your own children aren't in that stage of life is far more difficult! I have to wonder how frequently all those saying they would in a heart beat have actually taken care of a much younger niece during annual leave.

I don’t think he’s a step dad, he’s just her dad.

Say no. You've made plans for your leave and cannot cancel as everything is confirmed. It doesn't matter whether you're out with friends or on the sofa watching TV, you've made your final confirmation of annual leave plans.

Awful for her DD to see her DM disappear on a shag fest with her new “dad” without her for 2 weeks. Keep on the no, how dare people try to steal your holiday time, I’d be outraged. Can you tell a white lie and say works got busy and you’ve had to delay your leave( then change your mind once they’ve taken off) and do your plan

Ffs. People should get married before children.

no, you are not being unreasonable OP: don’t burn out for other people

I agree, just "oh sorry, we've already booked our holiday for that date. Hope you sort it."
I can't imagine why they gifted them two weeks away without thinking about child care first.
@NotHappyFamilies did they expect your sister to take your dn with them and now they're stuck?

Hot take; normalise lying in these circumstances and be busy with work or holiday plans of your own, even if you are sat at home on your arse.

In what world do we just commandeer someone's entire week for childcare, that you created? Madness.

I do agree with you in a way, and I have three children with my partner, and we're not married. We've been together for twenty years though.

I don't think being married would make any difference in the threads you talk about though. I'm not sure if it is being laissez -faire or just a lack of maturity, communication and speed of relationships nowadays.

The in laws probably did offer the childcare. Or expected them to take your niece with them.

I suspect your sister or your niece or both would rather have you than them. I would just say, sorry, no I've already planned my leave and I don't want to change it. Don't negotiate or offer anything as that gives a chink of hope and opens the door to further negotiations/arguments. Just go with a blanket sorry it's a no from me and also it's a no from him too.

No they can take the child.

Honestly YANBU. You've done enough. They could take DD with them, or the inlaws could cover childcare between them (you mention siblings plural). If your sister wants to take umbrage then let her.

That was the line that had me smiling too!

I was thinking exactly this: why was that poster presumed Catholic?

As a non-religious point, I do think it would not hurt us as a society to move back towards a more conservative approach to creating our families. There are threads and threads on here discussing the resultant difficulties of a laissez-faire approach to the huge commitment of bringing a life into a world - and into a family. That can be a child-centric point without even needing to touch upon religion.