AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

The ILs gifted the holiday so should also gift the childcare, or they’ll have to take her with them.

Wow. You and your DH sound very mean minded.

Most normal, family orientated people would have agreed like a shot. They’d be happy to.

You reap what you sow in life.

How do you reach that conclusion?

From the OP:

My sister wasn’t planning on a honeymoon but her in-laws have just gifted them 2 weeks at their holiday home. Her partner was aware but it was a surprise to my sister until over the weekend when they told her.

2wks in school holidays is taking the P. They should take their child with them. I’d offer a couple of days absolute max. Why should you use valuable AL time to care for her. No-one is owed a childfree honeymoon. Fair enough if family offer. My mum & in-laws cared for my brother’s girls when they went on honeymoon but they kept it to a week. I am more than happy to care for my brothers 4yr old for a weekend so they can get away on a break as parents too old / no longer here to look after kids now, but no way i’d do a week.

Cant she take her child with her on honeymoon?

Surely the in laws can sort it out between them? I would just say your plans have changed and your going back to work those two weeks if they pester. Stick to your guns. Not fair on the poor child being left home for 2 weeks they should be taking her!

So the only CF here is your sister since the groom fully expected the 8 year old to come with them. She's bloody selfish to not want to bring her 8 year old for a 2 week holiday (it's not really a honeymoon since they have been together for a long time and have a child) AND expect childcare for that period.

I would reframe this: "Surely Lisa should come with you to France- she would love that. We have already made plans for our holiday so can not accomodate you."

Stay firm and don't give in. I feel sorry for her child being left out. We married when my dc1 was four- he came with us on our "honeymoon;" holiday even though Mil offered to have him. Why should he be excluded? I think your sister is selfish and a CF.

Apologies....my fault for not RTFT first! I see you're also a carer for your MIL so can't go far. No wonder you're exhausted, working full time, supporting with childcare, a mammoth wedding and being a carer for a vulnerable relative is really tough.

What you've got to watch out for is the groom's family just bringing the child over to you or not collecting her when it's their 'turn'.

In your shoes, I'd remain firm, I wouldn't agree to any childcare and I'd have lots of day trips and activities booked locally with husband so you aren't available. If you're home, there is a chance they would exploit that.

Or your sister could do the right thing and take her child with her!

I don't like conflict so I would say that the plans have changed and I will be at work so can't help.

Your sister sounds selfish and not very maternal.

Can you and your husband book to go away? Have a lovely holiday to yourselves in one of those adult only locations?

It's really rude and presumptuous of them. I had a child when I got married...we only went away 'local' for two nights (at the insistence of my parents while they looked after them). Expecting childcare for two weeks and people trying to coerce you into it is so wrong.
Stand firm!

But the sister was still aware of it

Stick to your guns op! Take your time off. The in laws and BIL should have arranged childcare in advance if there was an intention not to take DD with them. Sounds like it’s just your sister being an arse.

Enjoy your time off! And good luck to your DC with their GCSE results:)

I feel quite sorry for the poor child being left for 2 weeks. Surely one week would be fine for a honeymoon. I would help my siblings but you are under no obligation to. Suggest they for one week and then there problem is solved.

Why two weeks? They already have a child it’s not like they’re loves young dream discovering each other and locking themselves in the bedroom for the whole time.

It’s taking the piss. A week is more than enough.

Especially when the gifter of the villa is gifting SOMEONE ELSE’S annual leave/domestic labour as part of their package.

How patronising and so very clueless 😂😂

@NotHappyFamilies Could the reason she’s not taking your niece be BECAUSE she knows you have 2 weeks booked off work?

What would her solution be if you didn’t have annual leave planned? Ask her, and suggest she does that.

If it transpires that she’s only not taking her daughter because she knew you were off then you can legitimately tell her to stick it.

Some of us believe that it’s financially beneficial for women to be in a contract of marriage before entering into the vulnerability of pregnancy. And understand the logistics of being able to jet off on a child-free honeymoon as a non-parent.

It has fuck-all to do with Catholicism or the Church of England.

Have her a couple of nights and leave the rest to the grandparents

Your sister sounds the unreasonable one if she's the one insisting that she doesn't want her dd to go. The sisters husband to be should insist they take her, at least for one week and get his parents to collect her from their holiday home! Yanbu

Is your BIL the dad or step dad?

No way is OP selfish. She provided regular childcare for her niece before she started school and babysat a lot for her niece so that her sister and partner could go out. OP's sister has never provided a single day of childcare for OP's children.

As well as OP having a full-time job,she is also a carer for her MIL which must be exhausting.

Her sister's fiance expected that they would take their child on their honeymoon but it's her sister that is insisting on leaving her at home.

She is absolutely not being selfish and it’s attitudes like this that lead to things like burnout.

As someone who has suffered from burnout due to a very demanding job and allowing myself to be pulled in all directions in my personal life to appease the “be kind” crew, I can tell you that it’s no joke and that those annual leave days should be treasured because they can literally be the thing that stops someone from reaching breaking point; more often than not, staying at home and doing nothing is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Yes, GCSE prep can be very hard and stressful for parents - especially those ones that care about their children, so lucky you that you didn’t find it stressful or haven’t experienced it yet.

The rude and selfish ones here are the in-laws and OPs sister for just assuming that OP is readily available for babysitting for two weeks.

Either they should take their child with them or go for a week and the in-laws should include babysitting as part of their gift.

"Gifting" a holiday home for 2 weeks does not require a lot of effort, "gifting" 2 weeks of time and effort on child care is on a completely different level.