AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

Another person who can’t read - the OP is taking her annual leave, two weeks following the wedding because she felt that would be a good time. She’s feeling tired after helping her sister with wedding, the stress of just after having a child sit exams, caring for her MIL, etc. She’s made plans for these two weeks. Surely it’s as good time as any to take her holiday entitlement ?

Selfish of her sister to latch on to the fact that her sister is off work for these two weeks - if she hadn’t leave organised, she couldn’t have asked.

How many here would actually book precious leave so their sibling could go on holiday ??

Nope. He expected the child to come on the honeymoon. It’s Dsis that wants to leave her behind.

Just read through more of your posts - it really sounds as if you need this holiday, I think you should say no and not feel guilty.

Not RTFT, but I’m guessing that your niece is not the groom’s child, and he’s pushing for her not to go on the honeymoon.

Then enjoy your 2 weeks off work 😍

Have you actually read the OP’s post ? Her children are older, teenagers. They don’t need childcare during school holidays. The OP doesn’t need to justify why she doesn’t want to mind her niece, she just doesn’t and that’s that.

It might be nice for her sister and her DP to bring their daughter on holiday with them, wouldn’t it ? Bet it’s what the OP and her DH always did.

If the OP hadn’t leave booked for these two weeks, what would have her sister done for childcare - what most other parents do - bring their children on holiday with them or stay home.

I’m glad my sister helped me out when I went on honeymoon.

if you do agree to have DN for a few days, make it the last few days, or else you risk the others suddenly not being able to pick her up if you agree to the first couple.

But given everyone’s behaviour and that you’ve done years of free childcare so they could both work when your dn was preschool, I’d just say no and let the others step up or your sister take her child on holiday with them.

(I’ve assumed the groom is DNs dad but his family being off about the child being on the honeymoon and expecting it to be the brides side who does childcare would make more sense if his stepdad, you are still fine to say no!)

I’m sorry but taking two weeks off after the wedding because you’ve been “stressed” has really tickled me

I can understand your sister wanting a child free honeymoon and i dont think it unreasonable that she asked you to care for her child ,equally i don think it unreasonable for you to say im sorry but ive made plans to go away at that time or made plans ....
Perhaps you could consider a compromise by offering to do some days of child care during the 2 weeks and the SIL who seems very keen could do the rest?
I would say its unreasonable to plan a surprise honeymoon arranging child care in advance.....

It sounds to me that you definitely need the break you have planned and you must take it and not be guilted into any compromise.
I am feeling sorry for your niece at having two weeks of her summer holiday break without her parents around though. Hopefully the well meaning in laws can have DN for a week and then she could join the honeymooners (!) in France.

If you want a child free honeymoon marry before you have kids.

If you husband has said no way, I don't see how you can agree to have your niece for the entire holiday. It would ruin your holiday and isn't good for this little girl. However, I probably wouldn't be quite so black and white about it as some here as I would be mindful of the relationship with my niece and sister and would try to persuade him that maybe you could offer three nights maximum. With the other in laws that would give the couple a week which I think they should be grateful for.

I'm sorry you've been put in this situation though - it hasn't been thought through by your sister's in laws - they should really have included childcare in their offer. However, if your husband is adamant, you will have to tell your sister that you can't have the niece to stay. Your husband's wishes should really trump your sister's leisure time.

Honeymoons come from a time when the couple will not have spent much time together before the wedding. I would say that after a minimum of 9 years together this couple should know each other pretty well. Also what a shame for their DD to miss a holiday to France. If they really feel they must have time alone, then a week is plenty long enough.

You don’t need to justify yourself OP, just say no, it sounds like you have done enough already and now people are starting to take advantage of you.

Stick to your guns OP. Your sister seems quite happy to leave her daughter behind for holidays. It probably won't be the last time you are asked for a huge favour like this. Be careful with offering the weekend, it could turn into longer. Its not for you to take up your sister's slack.

‘Gifting’ you own holiday home to your own adult child is hardly massive generosity. Surely they could use it whenever, strange people. They can also ‘gift’ childcare as it was their suggestion. I agree 2 weeks is a long time to leave a young child.

Cheeky fuckers all round.

Don’t do it Op, enjoy your down time.

If you want to call the OP mean-minded, why not call her sister selfish.

The OP works full-time.
She hasn’t had time-off since Christmas.
She has spent a lot of time helping her sister with wedding planning.
She has two teenage children to care for.
She has plans already made for her two weeks holiday.
Herself and her DH have caring responsibilities for her elderly and ill MIL.

Her sister’s DP thought their daughter would go on holiday with them.
Her DP’s own sisters don’t want to look after their niece either.
They have been away on holiday before by themselves, so surely no big deal bring their 8 yo daughters with them.

Change the word honeymoon for holiday and it lessens the emotions around honeymoon. It’s just another holiday. They don’t have childcare and how many parents actually go on a two week holiday and leave their children home.

OP, stick to your guns in this.

Poor 8 year old. 2 weeks a long time to be shipped off elsewhere. The fact they even want a full 2 weeks pretending they don’t have a child is sad.

Honestly, DSis is cheeky here. The ILs and soon to be DH tell her they are gifting two weeks in the holiday home and her response is “great, can you also look after little Suzy so we don’t have to take her?”

I think you’re being a tiny bit precious here. How can someone else’s wedding planning make you ‘shattered’? Are you the official wedding planner?
It’s a good coincidence that both you and DH have managed to get 2 weeks off work at the start of the school holidays at short notice - who was going to look after your own DC if you’d been working instead?
You're clearly close to your sister, so presumably close to your niece. In your situation I’d be happy to have her stay for a few days - maybe not the full 2 weeks, maybe 3 nights at the beginning and 3 nights at the end. She could stay with other relatives in between. She’s 8, not a baby, so it might be nice to spend time with her and your other DC.

OP has two kids of her own who need downtime with her and caring responsibilities towards her MIL. She has supported her sister with childcare during wedding prep and when DNiece was younger.

Family minded does not mean one specific member of the family gets everything they want from you.

There is also your niece to consider. At 8, 2 weeks away from your parents is a really long time. How will she cope with this? Will she be upset thst they have gone away without her? How will she cope with saying goodbye? Will she be upset at night/ not sleep well because she is missing them? Will she be bored in someone else's house without all her stuff around? Is she going to be generally tearful or miserable because she's missing them? If this is the case it's going to be really difficult to look after her, but also such a miserable time for her.

Yes—OP is very mean. Between parenting her own children and caring for an elderly relative, she is bang out of order for not using her annual leave to provide domestic labour. Selfish.

No they wouldn't. Looking after someone's child for 2 weeks is a huge ask, especially just for a holiday.

Are both those getting married your niece's parents? Or is this a 2nd partner?

2 weeks seems a long time to be abroad away from an 8 year old. DH and I have left our 2 (6 and 9) for 3 nights, but we have still been in UK. How does your niece feel about this? Is she getting a holiday this summer?

I would offer maybe a couple days max, ideally in the middle to give in laws a break.