AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

I cannot see anything remotely funny in the situation. @NotHappyFamilies has played a big part in organising the wedding, including looking after her niece on many occasions, has teenagers who have taken important exams and works full-time. If you can't see why she might be stressed and in need of a break, I feel very sorry for you. Or are you @NotHappyFamilies's sister?

If I was your sister I'd be delighted with your kind offer of two days. They could have a mini-moon in a posh hotel before setting off for France as a family. I'd also not want to spend two weeks away from my child (and I'm not even the most maternal of mothers!) and I wouldn't want my child to miss out on a lovely holiday.

If she wanted a child free start to her marriage, the way to do it was to have the wedding before the baby but she chose different priorities. She's hardly a blushing bride who needs time to get to know her new husband.

Annual leave is precious and you need it!

Jesus OP, I hope you say no. Don't even do a day. Your in laws can't basically offer up YOUR holiday to complete their gift, especially without any prior conversation.

Your sister shouldn't be so presumptuous with your time.

Do not even do a day. Do not. Let them figure it out themselves.

If they wanted a "proper" honeymoon, they should have done things in the "proper" order and waited until they were married before they had a child.

If you say yes now it will be the first of many.
Especially as the inlaws have a holiday home that they can gift out.

And to all those saying that the OP should compromise with the in-laws, what makes you think that the in-laws would stick to any deal made?
They obviously agree that the sister is correct in leaving the child and are happy for the OP to take the burden of care.

Exactly this! Who goes away for a fortnight without their 8 year old just because it’s a “honeymoon”? This is an established family, the accommodation is suitable — they should not be leaning on others to palm her off for two weeks. They sound very selfish.

I can’t imagine not helping my sister out to allow her and her dh a bit of a honeymoon. However 2 weeks is a huge privilege when you’ve got 2 kinds. If you want a long honeymoon you get married before you have kids.

I would offer 3 nights and then let them sort the rest with other family members.

Exactly.

Essentially it's your holiday vs theirs.
A honeymoon was traditionally so the bride and groom could get to know each other and have wild, abandoned sex for the first time. In your sister's case that ship has already sailed, so why should her holiday trump yours?

OP, crack on with your two weeks of RnR.

You don’t need to justify not looking after your niece for two weeks so their mother can have a two week long honeymoon.

The in laws are in the wrong as they’ve given the couple their holiday home and have asked you to babysit. Two weeks is a big ask and they can’t commandeer your time for their gift.

Simply say you have stuff planned that won’t work with looking after your niece and think no more. Your sister can take her child away with them or leave her with the gift givers.

Unclear why a few posters are berating OP for not being family minded, when DSis is not being family minded by wanting to leave her child at home and expecting other family members to accommodate this despite their own work/caring commitments

I reckon the in laws should look after her for one week and they should have her on hol for one week.

This particular sibling has already given a lot of help. She has helped organise the wedding - an event that can be extremely stressful at the best of times and has happily looked after her niece on many occasions. In addition to this, she works full-time and has had a very stressful time as her own children have been taking important exams. She has not been given a free holiday but has taken two weeks from her annual leave in order to relax and reset herself in addition, presumably, to catching up on some necessary household affairs. Why is it only women who are expected to sacrifice themselves to the point of burnout - which is what could so easily happen if @NotHappyFamilies stretches herself even more? It is obvious that she loves this little girl but she has brought up two children of her own and, quite reasonably, does not want or need the extra pressure of looking after a younger child at a time when she was hoping to have a short break of her own. The in-laws seem to be very generous with offering a free honeymoon and also very generous with offering someone else's free time. They are the ones who need to be sorting out childcare. @NotHappyFamilies, I hope you enjoy the wedding but also your well-deserved break after the wedding. Please do not be made to feel guilty.

@NotHappyFamilies as your inlaws have stated you can work something out between you then just reply and say

"that's fine. We can have her on a couple of days and maybe one over-night but I'm afraid we also have a lot of plans in place already for our time off so won't be able to accommodate any further."

How old are her other children?

@NotHappyFamilies I wouldn’t do it either. Your sister sounds selfish. Getting married after having children doesn’t mean you can stop being a mother for a “honeymoon.” I feel very sorry for your niece and I have a theory, the bigger the wedding, you’re more likely to divorce. This wedding needing to be “perfect” doesn’t bode well for married life.

Since when did other adult's children become your responsibility? Your hubby is right, it's a no.

And, it is very curious they would even choose not to take a three-year old with them? For a whole week? What is going on there? The child is not part of the nucleus family?
Edited: Sorry, just noticed, it's an eight-year old?

Yes, I don't want to sound judgy, but unless this is an extremely unusual 8-year-old they'll struggle IMO with being away from both parents for so long. And OP says this isn't the first time she has been left for 2 weeks either. A few days they can cope, but 2 weeks is another matter.

So even setting aside OP's tiredness and using up her annual leave to do childcare etc., I don't think the sister's approach is healthy and I wouldn't want to enable it.

Given the wedding is in a fortnight and therefore the honeymoon is in the middle of the school holidays, I am surprised that the Bride won't take her child with her.

No one’s accused me of religion before!

I just wanted a decent honeymoon where I could relax so I did it before I planned a child and didn’t expect other people to watch my kid.

FFS. She is saying she is knackered. She has her own children and her own life and her own worries. She sounds like she also needs a two week holiday.

Really? The OP has a very full busy life and booked this time off for some rest and time with her husband.
Why should she change her plans just because someone else doesn’t want to change theirs and include their own daughter in a holiday?

OP, I'm with you, I love my nieces and nephews but if I’d have booked a week off and had some plans I wouldn’t change them for something so trivial as their own Mum not wanting to take them on holiday, an emergency, yes but this, no.

I think a compromise is what’s needed here. Your niece could spend a week with her grandparents and a week on holiday with her own parents! It’s perfectly possible for someone to fly back to pick her up.

Enjoy your time off op.

Absolutely not true. People have their own needs and they can still love and be close to other people. OP you sound like you also need a well earned break, as does your husband. Please protect your time - you sounds like you need it.

You have done more than enough already to support your sister.

The in-laws should the ones providing child care in this scenario.

Enjoy your holiday!