AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

It isn't mum-shaming to think having children changes logistics.

Lots of mums would love two weeks away from parenting (actually, I wouldn't really; I'd rather take ours with us tbh); but children are a reality and a responsibility.

No reason to think that a plane seat or ferry ticket hasn’t been bought for DNiece, given everyone involved in the surprise was expecting her to go.

This. If they only bought tickets for the adults, they were planning on taking on the responsibility for the nipper surely? As part of the gift? A package arrangement if you will?

It was the groom’s job to organise this as part of the gift. There is no way I would do two weeks of childcare for anyone. I would probably offer 2 nights maximum. They don’t need to take the full two weeks, and if that’s what they want, then it’s on them to organise! So much entitlement.

I think the key issue here is that 2 weeks is far too young to leave an 8 year old. If you want to do a couple of days so you have time with your family that is perfectly reasonable. Stand firm and don’t let them bulldoze you into more otherwise you will feel resentful.

I don’t think that’s fair. ILs and their son have been happy with the idea that they were gifting a family holiday.

They are probably pretty pissed off themselves that their nice gift has turned into a childcare obligation and are trying to find a way to make this manageable (they should have said “lol, no, it’s for the three of you, dear!”)

this, as I said upthread, its as though the child has become an inconvenience.

Would you do it to your DH and kids, who also have a claim on your time?

The thing is you know that the OP’s new in-laws have decided (among themselves), ‘oh OP’s sister will mind the little one’.
And then congratulated themselves for their lovely gift.

As a PP so pithily put it: they have been magnanimous with your time.

So true!!

I personally would do this for my sister.

Shattered is a synonym for tired, or knackered.

No need to be melodramatic about it.

Your sister should include her child in the honeymoon. It’s not like she is a blushing virgin getting to know her new husband. I feel sorry for the child being excluded.

Let the inlaws look after the child for two weeks. Have to confess parents getting married and going 'on honeymoon' sounds a bit odd to me. What about the child's feelings in this..

There is a lot of mum shaming on here.

is it just honeymoons that people should have done before kids, or does extend to other things too?

if you think her sister is a CF’er for asking her to provide childcare then that’s one thing. But everything else reads a bit icky to me.

So the parents in law offered their holiday home and told their son about it-all of them assuming the child would go as well. A family holiday-lovely.

Your sister just gets told about it (last minute surprise but no warning needed really as the three of them are going together) and decides she wants it to become a traditional honeymoon with no children and asks you to have her, you say no.

To my mind, that should be the end of the matter. You want your holiday-too bloody right.

Presumably your sister has gone bitching to her sister in laws who agree she should have a child free fortnight and whilst they are prepared to do a bit between them, they still expect you to do over a week-the bulk of it!

I’d be really pissed off! No, I wouldn’t do it on principle. I’d ring your sister’s partner if she and his sisters aren’t listening and explain this. They want something magical to happen, but you will be the one doing the bulk of the drudge.

Any updates?

Yes, lots of the extended family are needing downtime. Bridezilla is taking up too much family resource here! Even her DH was minded to take the DD - which is the obvious solution. Why give the child the message that the marriage means exclusion from a family holiday?

Absolutely not! Not even for 2 days, because you just know once they 'get their foot in the door' they will ask you to extend it for another day, then another.... DON'T start off in the first place like that. Give them an inch....you know exactly that that is what will happen. Your husband doesn't sound have either.

Say to them, "absolutely not! That's the final word and it's non-negotiable, and i feel you have a cheek asking with you knowing what I have going on in my life. Since I helped organise the wedding and looked after her child so many times, it's time for you to step up to the plate. So good on you for offering to take her child. The sooner you tell her you will have her child, the better. I am sure she will be grateful that you are stepping up to the plate."

Exactly this OP.

Honestly why should your DH want the child on his holiday if her own mother doesn't? And it is just a holiday: the whole honeymoon thing doesn't work when you have parenting responsibilities.

I don't understand the people on this thread who don't understand how someone with a full family life can be 'exhausted' after helping with a close family member's wedding. It's bonkers they are unable to imagine that, even if they've never been in that situation themselves.

I helped my sister, who I'm very close to, with her wedding and was done in afterwards. If she'd had children then and wanted me to look after them for 2 weeks I'd likely have checked myself into an institution.

Absolutely no way should you change your plans. You deserve a rest as much as anyone else. As others have said, if her SiLs think she should have a child-free break, they can organise childcare themselves.

Enjoy your time with your husband.

I would say no too, my kids also just completed exams and want peace having an 8 year old around wouldn't thrill them either. Who is expected to mind the child if you were working, I know you said you have the time off but what if you had to go in ? Anyway you took that time off for you, not to babysit.

When we become parents we have ro accept that there are some things that are simply selfish to do whilst our children are young - going away for two weeks child-free falls into that category!
Our 18-month old was with us on our tiny UK honeymoon (and even on our flipping wedding night because she wanted mummy and daddy!) 😆

The childcare should have been sorted before anything was booked. You shouldn't be being guilty tripped into it at this stage. They should either go for 2 weeks with the child or a week on their own if the in-laws are happy doing a week's childcare.

OP I totally get you. I've just had Promzilla, GCSE's and a 16th birthday party and I am "shattered" and my dear mum with dementia, that's without helping with someone's wedding arrangements.

Are we demonizing Sis's In-laws here? Surely they would have come up with a solution to childcare had they expected the happy couple to be leaving their kid behind. They've offered the use of their holiday home in France, not bought an AI in the Maldives for 2.

My last point. Who leaves their little girl and says me and daddy are off on a lovely holiday but you're not coming. Bye. They've also sprung it on you at short notice.

You clearly are a close family, but there is a difference between helping out and being a doormat OP. Sometimes you have to think of you and your immediate family.

My conclusion, all things considered ....... Grade A Cheeky fuckers x

I'd probably do a few days - say a long weekend.
But I'd worry that the in laws would make some excuse, so I'd end up with the kid for longer than agreed.

Very, very cheeky of them all.

Fancy leaving a child for 2 weeks!
Your sister clearly has little interest in the poor kid.
I think you have the measure of your sister, BIL and his lot from all this.