AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

And the Op looked after her niece one day a week to help her sister save on nursery fees. As well as babysitting when asked.

She's a great sister and aunt.

Just because you're not going away long it's your holiday for the two weeks. Tell them no and refuse to keep discussing it. Don't get into details of being tired because of the wedding or whatever, they'll only keep argue it. Just repeat, no, it's our precious holiday time together and when they bring it up again, smile and say we already discussed this and change the subject.

I don't how much time off you get, but I can only get one chance at two weeks off a year. Would not entertain childcare in this situation.

Can I ask, how much help did she give you with your kids .

Asked and answered by earlier posts - DSis lived abroad when OP's kids were small and only came back when pregnant, so not much, by circumstance.

You already sound like a wonderful sister for all the help you’ve given so far . You deserve a break , your sister also sounds really fortunate with her in-laws and support. Can I ask, how much help did she give you with your kids . Always amused by people who never helped but then expect it themselves when they have kids .. I’ve had this a bit , it was assumed recently that l’d mind a sibling dc as I wasn’t partaking in a particular family activity and as I was at home (my kids are also older ) they could just drop them off but I simply said , sorry I had plans and was chilling out that day. Unfortunately it’s all a bit vicious cycle , no support breeds no support… And I’m not bitter , I had a fab day !

@mmmarmalade the key issue with changing the date to a different fortnight is that both the ILs and OP are working. I would guess that ILs or other family (or Airbnb!) are in the holiday house on other dates.

If DSis had had a conversation with OP saying 'we want to do a long weekend at a posh hotel as a mini-honeymoon, can you have Suzy Saturday night if ILs have her Friday? are there any weekends that would be good/bad for you over the summer?" then OP might well have been OK with that. Not this, though.

Tell them you've rearranged your two weeks off for after the honeymoon. Or stick to your guns, you deserve the break!

To be fair, OP hasn’t said what her sister said when she said no.
all she’s said is that her in laws have been in touch to suggest they sort it out between them. They may well have taken it upon themselves to try and make it doable.

Im very close to my sisters but would definitely say no to this. But ,they would never have asked me because they would know its a completely unreasonable request!!

It’s fine to ask your sister to give up her annual leave to babysit your child; it is not fine not to accept the no.

of course she does. I haven’t said anything debating that.

still no need for people to start slagging off a mum for being comfortable for leaving their child for fortnight.

which was the point i was making that you originally responded to.

OP doesn’t want to give up the only annual leave she has had since Christmas. She has the right to have her annual leave.

@WannaSweetie OP can absolutely say no to this because there is the option of DNiece going with them, as was the original plan

It would be a very firm NO from me! Their child, their responsibility. Do not enter into any negotiations with her in laws and actually, I’d book random short breaks for the week in question to make really uncontactable and unavailable! CF!

Nope i wouldn’t do it, my sister recently asked me to look after her 6yo and 1yo for 9 hours and i refused let alone 2 weeks! Its all well and good people saying oh well can’t you just do it to do a nice thing for your sister but its not a small thing she is asking especially with your own children and busy lives.

It's incredibly presumptuous of your Sister to expect childcare like that if it was her big wish to have a honeymoon, she should havr asked you ages ago and not expected any other help for the wedding.

Would it make any difference if they had arranged a date for their honeymoon around when you would be available, willing and less washed out? I'd think long terms - it's your sister, a one off, etc - (depends on how you feel about your on going relationship with your sister, her husband and in laws) - yes - they have handled it very badly but clearly she/they had a lot on her/their minds and were feeling overloaded anyway (hence your invaluable help). Let's say they could put the honeymoon off for a month or two (or longer) and then properly explore child care arrangements between you and the in laws - that's what should have happened - I assume the in laws can be flexible about when they gift them time at their holiday home.

Which is fine. But your response was along the lines of ‘usually those shouting about a village are those that benefit the most’ or something along those lines. I was saying that is not the case with me.

also, ‘villages’ don’t begin and end with children. Let’s say 30 years from now the OP makes a post about how she now lives alone, children have moved away, she’s had an op and needs some assistance. Only person who can do it is her sister, but she won’t because she didn’t look after her kid for a week years ago. That would be pathetic. So saying OP didn’t receive help with childcare from her sister so why should she give her more help than she already does is such a silly argument.

I’ve been in this situation with my DGC it was a case of well we’re having a 10 day child free honeymoon, it’s booked, & you’ll all need to arrange how child care is going to work (cheers!)
I think you’re going to have to factor in that you’ll end up having to look after your neice, so be firm on negotiating how long & when - couple of nights/weekend, when it suits you, & keep repeating no a full week is not possible as we have plans/booked events etc. The PIL have gifted the 2 week break, it’s up to them to organise, not dictate

The OP hasn’t had any time off since Christmas - she doesn’t really need to justify why she wants two weeks annual leave.

The topic of this thread is OP’s experience; not yours. OP has provided plenty of free childcare to her sister. Her sister has never provided OP with free childcare. OP’s sister now wants a claim on OP’s annual leave.

It’s great that your sister reciprocates—OP’s sister doesn’t. So we are advising her accordingly.

I can’t imagine going on a lovely holiday and leaving my 8yo at home with aunty.

i’ve said several times that it’s fine if she has said no and doesn’t want to.

And would your DH be equally delighted to spend his week’s AL doing all the things 8 yos like and you did years ago? And having a precious week’s AL used up adhering to child-friendly hours etc?

I dunno. I love my DNS but don’t now see childcare for younger children as a holiday activity per se!

The Op IS providing childcare. She's provided plenty in the past and is providing it in the run up to the wedding. That shouldn't mean she cant take time off with her husband and kids!

I didn't even take two weeks off to recover from the stress and overwhelm of my own wedding so I'm baffled as to how you've expended so much energy on your sister's.

Selective reading, much? OP has clearly said that she hasn't taken leave since Xmas, she's been supporting her children through exams and her DH with a very sick mother, including doing some caring.

But even without any of that - OP has booked two weeks of leave in the summer, to spend with her kids and DH, which is a very normal thing to want to do whether you are knackered or not!