AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

Bloody hell, the martyrdom from some posters.

I'd love to know if those who are lambasting OP for having a few boundaries and priorities of her own would be guilt-tripping her to #bekind if she was a man... 🤔

It sounds like the groom wasn't expecting any childcare need/alone time though. Which I think is what most of us would assume... being offered a lovely two week holiday, so we will be taking our kid.

I wonder what he makes of all this!!

Yes, you're right. I only suggested the groom because he knew about the holiday before the bride.

It probably would have made more sense to tell the bride earlier so that both of them could have had a hand in trying to organise childcare if they wanted a holiday alone, rather than, as seems to be the case, everyone assuming that the OP should step in and look after the child.

Completely agree @pigsDOfly - except the groom seems to have been envisaging a lovely relaxing holiday with their child and it is DSis who has thrown a spanner in the surprise.

@pigsDOfly Absolutely agree.
My husband and I married when our daughter was small. I would never have dreamt of asking my SIL (who now has adult children so lots of freedom) to look after her, even for a few nights! Our daughter came with us on our "honeymoon" which was in fact a little family holiday in the UK.

I'm a bit puzzled by the double standards of some of the posters on here.

On the one hand, there's the couple getting married, a couple who have an 8 year old child. They know that they have an 8 year old child, a child that is their responsibility and needs to be cared for. So a 'proper honeymoon' is out of the question.

Rather, surely it'll be a lovely relaxing 2 week holiday for a well established couple with their child, if no one can look after the child for 2 weeks, or, on their own, if OP and her DH look after their child; all very nice.

On the other hand you have OP and her DH who don't have an 8 year old child, but have just gone through a fairly stressful period and are also looking forward to a lovely relaxing 2 week holiday as a well established couple.

At what point does it become reasonable for the wedding couple's 8 year old child to become the responsibility of OP and her DH, rather than the child's own parents, to the extent that OP's 2 week holiday should be ruined, otherwise she's being selfish, but the child's own parents should be allowed to have their child free holiday alone, and they're not being selfish.

Once you have children your life changes. You no longer have the luxury of a starry eyed 'proper honeymoon'.

The groom knew about the holiday. If they wanted to be on holiday without their child he should have taken the responsibility of organising childcare with someone who was free to take the child for 2 weeks.

That person isn't the OP, she has her own holiday time booked and isn't responsible for her sister's 8 year old child.

Enjoy your 2 weeks child free holiday OP.

Mumsnet:

“Drive the random lady from your street (who never speaks to you) to her daily hospital appointments 90 minutes away!”

”Gift the house you’ve just inherited to the tenant who is currently renting it!”

“Use your annual leave to babysit your niece!”

#BeKind

Hell no! Just keep politely refusing. Don't make excuses because they will take that as an in for them to solve your excuses.
Suggest the in laws have her for a week and then take her to the holiday home for the second week. Win win.

You've done enough for your sister and child, with all the child minding and wedding prep. You deserve the whole two weeks for you and your DH. You just need to stand up to your sister and her ILs.
Sounds like your sister is quite the taker.

As for the poster you are replying to? They have form for expecting everyone to do everything for others. They also enjoy being as contrary as possible. They are probably like your sister.😆

The reality for your sister is that she has an 8 year old child and is now getting married. She now wants a child free 2 week honeymoon after getting her in laws holiday home in France for 2 weeks. Why does she think it your job to do this? If the in laws give her this present they should have thought who will mind the child if the parents wanted some child free time.

Yes you have booked your own holidays then but that's after no time off since Christmas. Since then you have kids doing exams, minded your sister child when she is doing wedding stuff and helped out with mil care.
I would continue to say no and tell them that you're minding your mil some of those days to give mil family members a break. I think with all your had on over the past few months you need a proper break and a rest.

My feeling is that if you take her child for x number of days you get a call from the in laws with some excuse why they can't mind her.

Your sister needs to accept that her child goes with them or they have a shorter break with the in laws minding there child.

What I love about MN is that people get to decide for you whether or not you are tired enough to want to have a holiday to yourself. But then, on the other hand, in the same instant someone will come along and tell you to stop being a martyr as you’re doing too much 😅 made me laugh this morning over my breakfast

Tell them you've booked a holiday/a few days away too!
even if you haven't
Cheeky sods. So you have to give up two weeks holiday to babysit? No, that's beyond rude to presume, never mind to practically insist or guilt trip!

She is taking off two weeks after the wedding, and I am assuming that is part of her annual leave. She and her DH have PLANS and want to use the time for each other. Something they are entitled to do.
She has been helping her sister plan her wedding AND watching the kid whenever her sister felt stress (which souds like it was often). THAT alone is a gift. Grandma and grandpa set it up so they watch their grandchild for the two weeks or they can let the couple have one week of a honeymoon and then deliver the grandchild back to mummy and daddy/stepdaddy.

Oh, it's a moot point because the OPs husband has said "NO" and that ends the discussion.

As others have said if you have children before you get married you can’t then expect a childfree honeymoon!
You’ve done plenty for her already and deserve a bit of peace yourself.

Edited to ask if the 8 year old is not the grooms bio child? If she isn’t I think that’s a particularly horrid way to treat the child after the wedding.

I can’t even imagine leaving my son for a week let alone 2! He’d be coming with us

I would reply to DS’s ILs making it very clear that it is not their place to be volunteering you for childcare and I wouldn’t be polite about it either. It is absolutely none of their business what you get up to in your time off and if they are so keen for the couple to have a child free honeymoon, they can provide the childcare themselves. I would be livid with them for assuming that you have nothing better to do. CFs!

It was in reply to @Tabarnak's questions about what my DH thinks or does:

"And would your DH be equally delighted to spend his week’s AL doing all the things 8 yos like and you did years ago? And having a precious week’s AL used up adhering to child-friendly hours etc?
I dunno. I love my DNS but don’t now see childcare for younger children as a holiday activity per se!"

In reality the IL's are not gifting anything, (other than flights?) as they own the property. (unless they rent it also & refused a booking).
May be they could pay for a flight for the child as UM, after having looked after her for a week !
As a gesture, you could take her to the airport 😂

Not sure this question is directed at you?! Irrelevant what your DH thinks or does!

If the groom assumed their child would come with them on the holiday then presumably the grandparents thought this too, so the only CFer here is your sister.
Poor kid, they should just go and have a lovely family holiday/honeymoon. If I was feeling really generous then I might offer to have their daughter for a couple of days but I also wouldn’t blame you for saying no full stop.

I think our real lives must be a bit different because in mine, people who already have children know their wedding and honeymoon won’t be exactly the same as if would if they’d married before they had a child, nobody gives someone a gift that requires someone else
to provide childcare, and nobody is ‘knackered’ or so stressed by a sibling’s wedding that they need two weeks off work.

100% agree with this PP.

Ridiculous of ILs to gift a 2 week holiday but only offer 1 week childcare, unless they assumed their granddaughter would join the parents for the second week.

I can't believe the parents would want to be away from their 8yo for 2 whole weeks! I think a week to themselves and then a week enjoying the holiday home with their child is very reasonable. I'd miss my kids so much after 2/3 nights that I'd want them there anyway.

My sisters in laws have contacted me to say that we can sort this between us and let my sister and new husband have a lovely honeymoon

The obvious solution is that they have the child for the 2 weeks, their gift has nothing to do with you.

Yeah, he really enjoys spending time with our nephews. Our 8 year old nephew adores my husband. My husband also loves exploring castles and digging holes at the beach and splashing around at the lido and seeing the animals at the farm and sharing football stats and facts.

On our holidays with our teens we tend to stay in of the evening playing cards and boardgames or watching a film after a big meal following a day of exploring or the beach or whatever so we could still do that with the younger ones in bed.

I don't call it childcare, I'd treat my nephews like family guests.

I feel for the child - if she is being passed between relatives like some “inconvenient bundle”. Can she not stay with the in laws as part of the gift and join her parents after a week