AIBU to refuse looking after my sister's child during her honeymoon?

NRFT but I'm just wondering when someone will create a business, similar to kennels or a cattery so they drop kids off for a week or 2 whilst they bugger off for their holidays or whatever...

I would say to her in laws that the child would need to be based at theirs but you would help out by having her for a few days (not as long as a week). That way you are compromising and showing your sister that you support her.

She's asked you last minute if you'll take her child for 1-2 weeks and now everyone is pressuring you?

Obviously I don't know your exact feelings, but based on how I would feel I would respond covering the following this:

• You're glad she feels she can ask for help, don't let you saying no this time stop her in the future
• You are in need of rest after a busy period so you do not burn out - full time mum, stressful exam period for family, putting most of your extra energy into helping with the wedding. You need to prioritize your own health and family now that this is over and not to prolong the period with additional responsibilities.
• You are upset that she is being so dismissive of your welfare. Maybe you downplayed how much stress you were under because you didn't want her to feel like you resented helping out with her wedding.
• Suggest they delay it and have a first anniversary trip next year and you can offer [insert time period here] at a time convenient to you. [I've bolded it as I haven't seen this suggested and judging on what I've read it seems like this would be something you would actually be fine doing.]
• Mention you're being pressured by her in-laws. Since it was the husband and his side of the family who were keeping it a secret from her and as a result also you keeping you in the dark, it is should be their responsibility to organize last minute childcare if she still wants to go ahead childless this year. It is unfair and rude of them to expect that of you.

Can I just add that she is a massive hypocrite in not wanting the "burden" of her own child and expecting you to take her on at short notice without considering your needs?

Your picture of her reminds me of a couple in my family - not maliciously selfish, more too self-absorbed to realise what burdens they put on other family members. The way they talk they totally expect the rest of the family to do half the raising of their future children for them. I know I'm going to have to set some serious boundaries with them, because while I do want to relieve stresses on them if I can, I also have a full life and am already struggling myself. They will definitely take and take and take until somebody says no. It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your sister.

I don’t think you can count previous holidays prior to marriage as a honey moon, I mean that’s kind of weird, oi Doris, you went away five years ago, that’s yer honeymoon, 😂

Why are people still blaming the in-laws, it’s the sisters choice not to take her, not the in-laws, not her fiances, the sisters, and it’s the sister asking for child care.

just say you can do 2 days but can’t do more as you’ve other commitments and need a break. Leave it there,

OP said her sister and BIL have already taken a fortnights holiday without their daughter. Well, in my minds eye, that should be considered their "honeymoon" and this holiday is a family post-wedding holiday

Nothing, I haven’t said there would be anything wrong with going as a family. It’s what I would do.

equally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with OP’s sister trying to see if they can go alone.

I'd agree without skipping a breath, but your response is perfectly reasonable. I'd probably pay the just-finished GCSE child to take her somewhere as part of it too.

In case you hadn't thought about it: you don't have to reply to them. You can ignore their message.

If you really feel you need to respond, just say youve already spoken with your sister but in case she hasn't relayed the message, you're not able to offer childcare therefore they'll need to cover the full duration. Depending in when they are taking the holiday, they may be able to utilise holiday clubs to support during the day.

what happens the rest of the time? pass the child around like an inconvenient puppy?

but would it be kind for the child?

I’d probably compromise by doing a couple of days , but definitely not a whole week

so what would be wrong with going as a family?

The Op did one day a week childcare to save her sister nursery fees.

Do you like your sister? If it was my sister, I would definitely help so they had the chance of a proper honeymoon.

Also, you keep saying “her child”, is she not your niece?

You can, of course, do what you want. I just can’t imagine not wanting to help.

Your sister's future in-laws do NOT get to decide how your husband spends his hard earnt 2 weeks holiday time!!

Sounds like they assumed you'd be OK with this - maybe they should have asked and kept you in the loop instead of keeping it as some stupid "surprise".

Presumably your aunt offered, though?!
Not be told she "had to" look after you for a month.

There is a massive difference between your situation and the OP’s, so why are you comparing them?

Well, when I speak to my aunt this week I am going to remind her she is a saint! My mum sent me over to my aunt´s in England for a month one July when I was 13 so I could experience England. I had a glorious time and remember so much from that. I am 52 now and it is something I have always cherished. I would do this for my niece, especially if just a week.

Keep saying no. We had children when we got married but my parents offered to look after them before we booked a honeymoon and we went for three nights not two weeks. It's a big ask to expect anyone to look after your child for one week, never mind two.
This is your time off, your time to relax, not your time to babysit an 8 year old. Your sister can take her child with her or the in-laws can have her for two weeks or they go away for one week.
I would say no and I am close to my sister but I'm not her child's babysitter.

The fact that the wedding prep has been so stressful that you need a fortnight off to recover says a lot, OP. How entitled are these people to commandeer others’ time like this for their wedding? If it’s such a big event they should have hired a planning team and left their families alone! You cannot be expected to facilitate every aspect of their lives. They either take your niece with them or make alternative childcare arrangements.

I love it when people try and have millionaire weddings on shoestring budgets. All it equates to is expecting all and sundry to fill in the gaps and creates so much resentment.

This did make me laugh @U53rName 🤣

No. Because it’s never the men who are asked for unlimited amounts of free domestic labour.

Completely agree!

It’s because of the word ‘honeymoon’, I think. In some minds, it clearly trumps everyone else’s wants and rights?!

You didn't book precious time off to do childcare op.