AIBU to regret reporting my daughter's ex-boyfriend to the police?

OP, why hasn't he been removed from her classes? I think we are all responsible for making it really clear to young people that this behaviour is completely unacceptable and you sound to me like you have done a great job of that. She'll come round to viewing it like that in the end. With teenagers, it can take some time for them to see things from an adult perspective. You're sending the right message in my book. It sounds very tough. Sorry to hear you have to contend with this. You might also be doing this boy a massive favour too, in the long run.

YABU to regret it, yes. Reporting it was the correct thing to do.

At 15 my DD was being harrassed by her ex boyfriend. We took the softly softly approach and her 17 year old brother had a quiet word at school. When everything ramped up her 23 year old brother saw him in town and had a quiet word. He then turned up at our house apologised to me and handed me a gift to give her. It was sexy underwear. Police intervention was the only thing that stopped him.

It was three years before she felt confident to go out with anyone again.

Well ofcourse the police will go and talk to the ex boyfriend. You made a complaint about him, they will talk to all involved.

Do you mean “she”? Surely he should have been removed?

This seems to be the school placing the responsibility for response onto the victim. She should not endure more disruption because of an abusive boy.

the school should be addressing the concerning behaviour not the victim.

He needs to face consequences for his actions.

If that's all there is to it social services won't be interested. A phone call at most.
What you don't know if whether that is all of it, or if this will be one of several referrals they have had about the boy or his family over time. If it ties with a bigger picture then they may intervene and so they should.

If he's 15 too then he needs a wake up call before he's 18 and no one is interested in helping him anymore and he just ends up with police records.

I'm sorry your daughter is unhappy about you reporting it but it's not just her decision to make. I also agree with others that it's appalling she's the one taken out of classes.

Your job is to give her an example of how to deal with situations. No, she's not comfortable with it, but she is going to have to learn, and this is a good start.

Don't waver, you've done what you've done, she will echo how you feel about it so show strength and calm.

Reporting was the right thing. Teach your DD whilst she is young that she doesn't keep quiet or allow boys/men to get away with abusing her.

Is child protection normal in these cases? You say your daughter is 15, is the ex boyfriend an adult? I would be making a much bigger stink about the school removing her from classes.

You need to teach her how to stand up to bullies, not to placate them and hide it. This is so important or she’s really going to struggle.

I wish these sort of males weren't attractive to so many females in the first place. But hey ho that's biology.

I think any safeguarding referral will be about your daughter's safety at home, and about his safety in his home, in case they think that he's being aggressive as he's getting abused at home.

I doubt that social services would have any follow up with him about his harassment of OPs daughter, that's being dealt with by the police.

Well done for supporting your DD and speaking up about this horrible boy.

I'd be highly surprised if social services get involved for name calling and something being thrown at the house by an unknown person.
The ex maybe spoken to by the police, but it won't go any further.
He needs to be told that his behaviour isn't appropriate and school and his parents should be dealing with that.

Why should your daughter be the one to be removed from clssses!!?

I think I'd of probably gone school before police as they often have their own police officers anyway who deal with thisnstudf before it needs to made official. It does seem a bit much considering things have calmed down . I think we forgot these are all kids and they do stupid things . I think the police was a bit much for a first thing but id of deffo gone school and would of expected them to liase with parents and keep a close eye in school . Anything after that warning shot would of been police .

Around that age, my sister’s ex boyfriend harassed us and me. Thankfully his dad sorted it after my dad intervened. But still, some jilted boyfriends go on to murder. Any behaviour like that needs firmly stamped on. Entitled little shit.

Op we had something very similar with our DD. She hated us for it, but looking back it was the best thing we could have done. Good luck.

You did the right thing.

Thugs like this needs to understand there are consequences to their actions.

By the way she should not be the one to be removed from classes, the bit is the one who needs to be kicked out...

It happens often. I don't think it should. I don't even know why they think it makes sense. Its like they are punishing the victim.

She shouldn’t have had to move he should have. Hope the school informed his parents. You did the right thing involving the police, teacher your dd you have to stand up to bully’s.

So she gets removed and he gets to carry on? I would be challenging that

So if he didn’t come to her home, who threw the thing? Or does your daughter live somewhere else?