Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

I would avoid non drinkers.

Thank fuck for that! I am so pleased to hear this. Most of us cant stand boorish drunks who tell you the same repetitive story over and over again with their red wine teeth and stinky alco breath.

Thank you!

Completely agree, as pps have said it’s a social lubricant, loosens everyone up and is a lot more fun. I would avoid non drinkers. I have a few friends on the jabs, as well as leaving full plates they can only manage 2 drinks, when we’re out for 5 or so hours, it’s a mood kill.

I think there’s a balance to be struck with drinking. I don’t really drink socially anyway so it isn’t a big deal for me but if I did, I’d cut down on events rather than going completely sober at them. I’d rather have the drink at those events and not at all outside of them. I don’t drink right now because I’d developed a bad habit I knew I had to quash but I went to a wedding for example last month and of course indulged in wine.

My friends and I used to be regular drinkers to the extent that every single get together involved wine in varying types and quantities. Somewhere along the way, the nature of our gatherings shifted.

Now our 'thing' is cafe hopping and hiking.

I feel no less connected to them. The truth hasn't stopped flowing because the wine has. I think there's something to be said about the personal growth needed to be so open with someone else especially when sober. Yes, it takes more courage to share something when you haven't got the aid of 'liquid courage'. But I think it's worth it.

As a bonus, we also feel healthier, happier, and we've seen so many interesting coffeehouses and trails now that we no longer use wine at the usual restaurants/someone's house as a social clutch.

Why do you base your enjoyment of their company on the drink they’re consuming?

They're not friends then, they're drinking buddies. A friend you can meet for a lunch, a coffee, walk over the park, gallery and still enjoy their company. It shouldn't be alcohol dependent.

They're not friends then, they're drinking buddies. A friend you can meet for a lunch, a coffee, walk over the park, gallery and still enjoy their company. It shouldn't be alcohol dependent.

Yes, this is what I find. I've cut down a LOT on drinking, as have my friends, and now when we go out, there's a slightly forced and awkward quality to the evening that wasn't there before.

It's still nice to see them, but we always go out on the same level as we came in on, which takes some of the fun out of it. I don't think I'll ever have as much fun again as I did in my non-sober days.

Please don’t present this as fact. It’s not true.

Alcohol as a social lubricant is very common and well recognised. All sober discussion includes coping methods for this.

being addicted to alcohol is just a completely different condition.

I know mn like to pretend anyone who enjoys or uses alcohol to relax is an alcoholic but that simply diminishes the understanding of alcohol addiction. I don’t know why you think you’re right on this .

This is pathetic. Like WTAF?

How do you talk to your friends when you dont have access to alcohol then? do you only socialise in the pub? what about during the day when you might be doing things that dont involve alcohol - are you all stiff and formal then?

😆 if you need alcohol not to be "stiff and formal" you really do have a problem OP but I am guessing this isnt a genuine post anyway...

I’ve been on both sides of this. I completely understand the bonding feeling wine gives you and the way it disinhibits and when I was younger I used to have a similar feeling when people said they weren’t drinking. There’s definitely something unique about the ability of alcohol to bring people together. My best mate and I have drunk wine together through the past 30 years and its what our friendship was forged on.

Over the past five years I have seen it differently: tolerance has shot down due to menopause so I can only drink about two units without feeling appalling the next day; it makes me depressed, I feel it impacting mu cognitive function for days and it fucks my stomach. I also have seen enough people become ill and die as a direct result of alcohol that its kind of poisoned it for me. I’m not teetotal and I do drink maybe a couple of units a week but honestly I mainly do that in order to not make my drinking friends uncomfortable.

It works the other way around. When you are a newly moderate or light drinker you get the same sinking feeling when someone says “shall we just get a bottle, it’s cheaper?”. Its the feeling that you have to pretend to enjoy something in order to not upset a friend.

Its incredible how divisive alcohol (or the lack of alcohol) is in our society. We actually judge one another based on whether we drink it or not. And I do understand why people are attached to it because I have been there but I also think its quite fucked up.

But it seems more that you are not able to have a close friendship outside of alcohol, and you blame the ex-friend when they choose to/have to cut down.
You sound like one of those men who says “You’ve changed, I haven’t changed” when their wife has had a baby and is hallucinating with tiredness and he’s still on the PlayStation

It's really f*ing amazing how people - men do this, too-cannot differentiate between a drinking buddy and a friend.

A relative's wife had an affair with his 'best friend'.
I didn't feel much sympathy as this relative (not close relative) is a right pri*k
but imo this 'best friend', was more a drinking buddy he'd known for a few years than a man who he'd fought a war with or gone through real hard times together.
Just another example of this relative's piss poor judgement.

I get it - im not a heavy drinker - i only drink on friday evening or ill have a glass on sat - but recently i was invited to a dinner, brought a bottle, opened it, only to be told my mate was on fanta all night...and i had purposely not had any booze on the friday so i could share the bottle with them 😂

This is so true

I don't think that there's anything wrong with how you feel at all.
Yes things would be a bit boring if certain people I know socially stopped drinking.

But here's the difference between me and you:

I don't class these people as friends, they're acquaintances, drinking buddies if you like.

REAL friends? I don't need to be slightly drunk around them.
I don't get drunk as such.

I don’t like drinking if no one else is. I think it’s cause when you’re sober those who are pissed (tipsy pissed to completely mullered) become very annoying. I dont want to be the annoying half pissed one !

I find people who have had a few really boring. They talk nonsense, they can’t shut up, their breath smells sour, they can’t be their authentic selves without the dutch courage from alcohol. I have a more fun and interesting life since i stopped drinking. I do more things. My friends who drink so the ssme thing all the time.

I don't drink as much nowadays. I HATE it when I go to a party and people comment on me not drinking....it's very old fashioned.

I gave yp drinking 2 years ago. It's not impacted my nights out with friends. Very much a you problem.

It sounds as though you might miss the slightly more relaxed atmosphere that comes when everyone is on the same wavelength, rather than the alcohol itself.

This. Coming from a culture where most people are teetotalers and we have deep friendships despite this, I find the British reliance on alcohol to socialise quite sad. Many people use it as a crutch because they are incapable of being brave or vulnerable without it. Drinkers need to at least stop acting like getting routinely drunk is normal behaviour.

Always interesting reading these threads and examining the difference in language between the drinkers and the non-drinkers.

The drinkers tend to talk about desires, the non-drinkers talk about needs. I suspect it's because the lives of the latter are indeed based firmly on needs, and they tend to take a disapproving attitude towards anything that "isn't necessary".

"It's not necessary to drink to have a good time" reflects this attitude. The idea that it might be desirable to have an even better time, and that having a few drinks will help facilitate this, doesn't really occur to them - because "desires" and "even better times" are not strictly necessary.

It's a practical, "sensible shoes" way of thinking, but yeah, I'm glad I'm not like that.

I get this to some degree. I don't judge anyone for making the changes they need to make for their own circumstances but it is sad to lose that lovely joy of connecting over a glass of wine or gin. I can still enjoy someone's company if they're still happy to go out to a bar or restaurant and drink something non-alcoholic while I have a few glasses of wine but the thing I really hate is when people start trying to steer the relationship into a day time thing when I'm not fundamentally a day time person! I don't want to go on an afternoon walk or go for a coffee unless it's a place-holder activity (if someone's pregnant or something) but even then I only do it if I know that evening friendship patterns will resume at some point! I don't want my friendships to become centred around walking or coffees. It's always too bright to be comfortable and I don't feel normal until after 7pm.😂

I agree OP, obviously I don't mind if people don't drink and I'm happy for them. But the truth is, no one has as much fun. It is what it is.

People on here and IRL like to say they have just as much fun not drinking, and always laugh a lot, chat for hours and dance on the tables completely sober. However I'm yet to see this actually happen. The meet ups are still fun, but honestly no, there's not as much laughter or flowing conversation. And there's no dancing, but there will be checking the time a lot and leaving early.

As pp said, non drinkers (including me, I don't always drink) can make an effort to act this way, but it's much more of an effort and you have to really push yourself to get in the mood. People usually don't do this.