Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

If what you class as fun is actually just wild drunk behaviour then no obvs non drinkers don’t do that as much. If you’re dancing on tables past 30 give yourself a shake though - how embarrassing.

I enjoy being able to remember the conversations I had.

I like my "pretend booze". I love a cold beer after a hot day, or in a beer garden or traditional pub. I like the taste, and the slight hoppy buzz.
I like a cold glass of wine with crisps of an evening watching a film with DH.
These things give me a similar pleasant feeling that I used to get from the alcohol version, but with no health costs.

I'm not a child, I have no desire to sit and drink fizzy pop. And if having a glass of beer in front of me means people don't notice I'm not consuming actual alcohol, bonus, fits the vibe better.

Why are people on here so insanely judgemental about even small amounts of alcohol consumption? It's a relaxant, of course it alters the social dynamic, and of course people enjoy that.

I am not much of a drinker these days. But am happy to go out and not drink. In fact that's always been the case as I stay more rurally than some of my friends so generally always drive. Some of my friends have never seen me drunk.

i've never been the "share a bottle" kind of friend anyway as I can't stand wine - and even half a glass has an effect as it really flares my rosacea as well as making me tipsy.

i don't stay as long at nights out, i tend to leave once people hit the repeating stories level of drunk- because hearing the same story multiple times really isn't a fun time.

drinking makes my anxiety much worse anyway.

I genuinely don't care if others drink or not.

That's a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig stretch.

But pretending it doesnt have these effects is daft.

Yup. Great explanation. Even chimpanzees use alcohol.

I don't anyone is suggesting that you can only have a good time when drinking. It is more about when you are drinking, it isn't so fun being around people who aren't. Surely that is the case with most activities though.

Agreed. I can’t drink very much, after a glass or so of wine my body just says no. I miss the gentle silliness that wine in good company can create.

I'd say its more like you both go on a skiing holiday but your friend walks down the slopes while you ski.
You are exhilarated and full of joy at the speed and the way you managed to get in some perfect turns down that difficult icy bit. They are calm and content because they've admired the views and the crisp crunch of walking through the snow. You can both appreciate that the other is enjoying themselves but it is not a shared experience for either of you.

I agree. It's not about the actual drinking aspect for me though it's more about the reasons behind it and how it changes the night out.

I hardly ever go out drinking with friends now, they all drive because they all have kids. They don't want to be out late because they have to get back to babysitters or they don't want poor sleep or hangovers the next day.

I do miss the nights out where it didn't feel like there was a time limit on them and we could just see where the night took us.

The fact that you have started this thread does imply that you think and an awful lot about alcohol, love talking about it, etc. It might be worth trying a period of sobriety - see how easy you find it, how reliant on the booze you really are.

I just can't see someone with an entirely healthy relationship with alcohol caring about it enough to start this thread.

I know you think you're fine - you know it's quite common to deceive oneself about one's relationship with drink, and other addictiv substances. If you ever decide to confront the truth, there is help out there for you....

If I am wrong, and you haven't started the thread due to your obsession with, and obsessive need to talk about, alcohol, then you must have a Hell of a lot of time in your hands .....

@LejlaKapovic I actually don't think tipsy or drunk people are fun to be around. They tend to be obnoxious, loud, rambling and incoherent. Oh, and revealing too much private information that nobody wants to know.

I absolutely want to know!

My and my friends ' rambling, incoherent, indiscreet days are long gone - but I certainly do miss them

No, I didn't. Because OP said "a drink", which doesn't make you tipsy. But yes, it is problematic to only be able to have a good time when you are tipsy and those around you are, too. It's just not normal. While being sober actually is...

Anyway, I was addressing all of the comments that seem to equate "having fun" with being under the influence. So more than just having a drink...

What you have to realise is that not everyone can moderate their alcohol intake. For some of us, it's a choice between not drinking at all or drinking too much - there is no halfway of having 'a few drinks'. Out with friends, you risk drinking to the stage where you become boorish or over-candid or embarrassing, and then carrying on alone when you get home, and then waking the next day with a terrible hangover and remorse.

For some of us, it just isn't worth it. We have to acknowledge that we have lost something - the genuinely nice, chatty, mellow stage of drinking - for a much greater gain, a life free of the control of alcohol, hangovers, guilt, days written off.

`It isn't like that for everyone and you are lucky if you can drink sensibly in moderation. But some people can't.

I think it’s more you don’t enjoy your own company when others aren’t drinking with you.

You are kind of proving OP's point. It isn't so fun to be around someone who is judging you for being tipsy. It is a bit like eating cake in front of someone as they look at you with pursed lips and tell you that they don't eat between meals.

You do realise lots of people have informal, candid relaxed friendships where they drink nothing stronger than coffee?

Do you feel unable to relax without alcohol inside you?

I don’t drink much or often anymore, I wasn’t a regular drinker before but I drank a lot when I did.
i feel less fun myself now 😂 but I don’t have lethal hangovers when I wake up or the dreadful hangxiety anymore so it’s definitely better this way.
I still socialise with people and no one comments (to my face at least!) about me not drinking. But I could understand if someone said to me that I was more boring now!! I do appear it although I’m still a nice person!

Oh my goodness why not let's include a bit of ageist stereotyping as well?
Actually heavy alcohol intake is a problem amongst a lot of older people so it's not even an accurate picture you are trying to paint.

I'm actually struggling to believe in your goady thread.

Perhaps your friends who have given up drinking are now struggling to mix with people like yourself because they will now have realised how boring alcohol makes people. That's certainly my experience.

I think you should take a long hard appraisal of yourself because if you really can't enjoy yourself without alcohol you have a problem.

And if you were a proper friend you would be really pleased to see people looking after their health and well being. Instead of bemoaning the loss of drinking buddies

I see what your saying OP. I had this with a friend and
for me there were a couple of other factors I think A) I’ve never had many friends/big social circle, just a close knit of very good ones. B) the close friends I have/had are now all spread across different continents.

So on the very rare occasion I got to see them, the relaxing effect of alcohol was really useful to be able to skip past the boring surface chat in the very short period we had together. Alcohol has a lot of negative effects, too many to mention when it become a habit. But it’s also disingenuous to suggest that it doesn’t also have its social functions. This friend of mine, we’d spent thousands of hours probably, possibly tens of thousands, in one another’s company. And 90% of those would have been stone cold sober (especially when we were kids thankfully!). But when you only get to see someone once every several years, a couple of beers or glasses of wine can be useful to help cut through the years and bypass the mundane/obvious chitchat.

Having said that if it were a friend I was able to see regularly, ie every few weeks or so, then I think it’s can more easily possible to find a new “non-drinking rhythm” to a friendship.

I do know what you mean. It is a bit like going for a meal with someone on a strict diet or going to the beach with someone who won't get their hair wet. All fine and perfectly acceptable, but not quite as fun.

Also, as someone who's never drank and always has a lot of fun, I just don't understand those who equate fun with drinking alcohol. It's like you have been taught, or have taught yourself, to need alcohol. It's not normal for one's fun experiences, socialising and friendship to depend on alcohol and drinking it.

I actually don't think tipsy or drunk people are fun to be around. They tend to be obnoxious, loud, rambling and incoherent. Oh, and revealing too much private information that nobody wants to know.

I think it’s really sad that your friends have to be drinking alcohol in order for you to enjoy their company.

That's definitely a "you" problem.

I agree with you, when I’m not drinking I can’t stand being around people who are shitfaced. Best to join them I say.

I had a serious problem with alcohol. Binge/drinking and stopped drinking altogether 8 years ago.
I had to grieve the social life I’d lost but I didn’t have a choice. I probably wouldn’t be here now if I had carried on.
I feel like I socialise more in the day now but it’s not worth me getting too down about it or I’ll end up getting tempted again. I hope your husband can meet his friends in other ways for daytime activities.