Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

It depends.

If they still enjoy pubs and bars, fine. I often go to the pub and have a soft drink.

But if they give off ‘I am compromising myself to your pub-normative lifestyle’ Pa vibes and insist, always , on a tea shop or coffee place after a hike, for example , it is tiresome.*

Ditto if they offer the revolting Nosecco at their house as if it is a celebratory treat. I enjoy ice cold sparkling water, but being not keen on a sweet fizzy mess of a drink invokes PA implications that it is because it is AF.

So… it depends!

*exception for recovering alcoholics when pub avoidance is understood

If you can’t enjoy your friends company when they’re sober you either need new friends or look inwards.

Let’s reframe this OP and ask whether your friends still enjoy the company of a drinker.

Alcohol is being proven to be catastrophically damaging to health, even in small doses so stopping or cutting down is probably one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Once people make the shift anway from consumption its ironically sobering to figure out 1) they don’t miss how terrible it makes them feel and 2) just how much it changes people for better or worse.

Ain't that the truth.

Mumsnet is hilarious, people are so sanctimonious about booze that they're even proclaiming themselves superior to drinkers of alcohol free beer 😂

I don't see it as being superior - I (and other people, I guess) just don't get alcohol. When I was younger I tried hard to like it, but I just don't. On the other hand I love a fizzy ginger beer or orange or lime with fizzy water.

I can enjoy a small glass of fizz occasionally and a nice glass of wine with a meal - again, occasionally.

I'm sorry - I just don't enjoy it! And while I'm prepared to consume things I don't enjoy for the sake of my health, I'm certainly not going to drink alcohol just to fit in or make other people feel better.

But yeah, I've always had drinkers whingeing in my ear about 'if you had a drink, you'd enjoy things much more!' I've learned to nod, smile and keep drinking the orange juice rather than try to argue with them.

There’s nothing more boring than a drunk person.

It’s been a normal and acceptable part of our culture for thousands of years.

Bollocks can you not have fun without a drink!

I’ve been to three concerts this summer and going to another tomorrow (The Streets at Ally Pally…cannot wait!).

I went to a party on Friday night in a bar until about 1am and chatted to people so much I nearly lost my voice…then went to a day rave on the Saturday where I danced for about 6 hours straight. On Sunday I had a bbq for my two best friends and we yapped away for hours and laughed until we cried fuelled only by San Pellegrino (and jerk chicken… and ice cream!).

I actually have more energy and find more joy in things since I quit booze. No hangovers. No hangxiety! Lost 20lbs of wine weight without even trying. Can actually be arsed to do exercise now and do daily yoga and regular weight training.

I remember the days when I thought I could only relax with a glass of wine (complete myth) or couldn’t go out dancing without a couple of vodkas (just masking social anxiety, in my experience). I’m glad they are long gone!

I really wish more restaurants did non-alcoholic wine! I love a glass of wine with food when I eat out, beer doesn't always go unless it's quite casual dining.

I was delighted at a Chinese restaurant in Soho recently as they had non-alcoholic wine and fizz, so I had my little bottle of fizz with my dim sum. Would definitely go back there.

I guess there's plenty of alcohol-free gins now, they seem to lend themselves quite well to it. I can't imagine that an alcohol-free single malt would work, but who knows...

OP this is not a comment about you - it's a general observation from personal experience.

I nearly gave up on a friend because she was a heavy drinker and constantly, constantly pressured me to drink. I drink very little - don't really 'get' alcohol, but enjoy a nice half glass with a meal....and I was always on the lime soda or orange and fizzy water, and perfectly happy.

From the pov of a sober person she was a total bore and PITA after nearly 2 bottles. She thought she was the life and soul, but really she wasn't. Her speech slurred, her face contorted, she couldn't stand and was rude to people, including me. When I saw her on say Monday, there would be another sob story about why certain people were blanking her - and she'd be wondering what she'd said and done. Several friends were lost that way.

I have no room to criticise her for her addiction - I eat far too much sugar!! But she'd ask me for advice and I'd say 'Can't you just have 2 glasses and then switch to a soft drink?" She said she definitely couldn't.

The happy ending is that she did get a grip on her drinking and confined it to Fridays and Saturdays, watered down her wine and stopped after 3/4 glasses. Things are much better now, but I still avoid seeing her on the nights she drinks because I know I will have one hell of a boring evening, she will talk absolute crap and not remember anything the next day. I make excuses because I can't bring myself to say these words to her, but her drinking does still make me avoid her sometimes.

That's why spending time with drunks is a total waste of your life.

I think this is a pub problem.
I agree about soft drinks; I can have one ginger beer but then I don't want any more. I also only want one mineral water, generally, and I get sick of lime and soda. I love a mug of tea in a pub in colder weather, but obviously not right now!
Also, some of my local pubs don't do any hot drinks.
There's also a dearth of non-alcoholic spirits.
I think they're missing a trick on all of these; surely tea is cheap and easy to provide (as a lot of pubs do)? And I happily pay quite high prices for non-alcoholic spirits/cocktails when I go somewhere that does offer them. It's a growing market.

You've taken my post far too literally. I'm not doing some big pretence, of course if someone gets a round they'll see I'm on the zero beers!
Most people aren't particularly observant though, so all they'll see is me with a beer in my hand, fitting into the vibe. It's not deep.

You most certainly can get a bit of a high from hops, and there's also that kind of high you get from remembering the effect of the alcohol and other people getting a bit buzzy.

Mumsnet is hilarious, people are so sanctimonious about booze that they're even proclaiming themselves superior to drinkers of alcohol free beer 😂

I love a nice soft drink as a treat sometimes, but not when I'm sitting in the pub, no. I can drink several beers, I can't drink several glasses of soft drink.

I think that people who are not comfortable with you not drinking are people who already have a relationship with alcohol.

WTF is 'mother root'?

I don't drink. Some of my friends don't, some drink moderately, some a little more. Amazingly, we still manage to get on and to have lovely days and nights out together.
The idea of ranking friends by what they drink is really really weird.

But having pretend booze, and pretending it's real, and that you are getting pissed - so your mates don't call you boring, (like I was actually referring to!) Who does that? 😂

Also, if you have no alcohol in your booze, then you are not getting the same feeling. It's not the hops in it that makes you feel 'high' and tipsy!!! It's the alcohol!!! And wine doesn't have hops in it anyway!

Why are you so worried about people noticing you are not drinking alcohol?

Also, you don't have to be a child to have 'fizzy pop.' Adults drink it too sometimes you know.

FWIW I have mineral water or diet coke when I'm at the pub/out with friends socially, because I don't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks about me not drinking alcohol. Then again, the people I socialise with aren't so immature and narrow minded that they will judge me. If your friends are judging you so much for not drinking alcohol to the point that you have to pretend you are, maybe you need to start looking for new friends.

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The problem is you married a boring person. Other people don't need alcohol to be fun and interesting - that's the OP's real issue.

On the flip side, as someone who has never been able to drink due to a medical condition, I’ve had a lifetime of snide comments or being ostracised about the fact I don’t drink, even when I’ve explained it’s medical when asked. Otherwise I don’t mention it and have always joined in socially. Also it’s always those same people enthusiastically inviting you to something when they’re looking for a driver. Sums them up really, not true friends.

I would rather friends judged each other by their behaviour and if there’s a connection, not by what’s in their glass. I have good friends who are heavy drinkers, and those who don’t. Makes no difference to me and thankfully as I’ve aged (mid 50s now) and more people are not drinking or given up, it’s now become less of an issue. Honestly from experience, it’s not nice being judged by what’s in your glass.

This is really interesting. I love dancing, I go to festivals with social dancing and don't drink alcohol at all because I don't want to feel sick (being spun around quickly and alcohol don't go together). There's loads of laughter and fun. It's a real shame that this kind of social dancing is a minority interest these days. It's really odd that social nights out mostly just revolve around drinking.

I agree. I avoided alcohol free beer for a long time because what's the point, may as well have water, but it does give the same "feeling" as the first taste of real beer.

I've recently had a big falling out with a friend, we both made mistakes and hurt each other, but I've really tried to reflect properly and I think the whole thing is tied to the fact that she likes a drink and I've cut right back.

It's changed the dynamic of pur friendship to such an extent that I think she (subconsciously) engineered a big falling out so she didn't have to spend time with me sober. While everyone around her is drinking, she can convince herself her drinking, and the idea that life is boring without drink, is normal

It's true. My husband gave up drinking as he drank too much and also had anger issues when drunk. I've never had a problem having one or two only. And honestly? He is boring now that he doesn't drink even though I'm very proud of him. He also did the classic thing most addicts do and started demonising any level of drinking, shaking his had if I had one glass and calling me an 'alchie'. Our social life died because he felt weird about not drinking. It's a real thing for sure.

People don’t tend to meet up with others to “enjoy their own company” do they?

Surely this depends on the person. I tend to drink fizzy water or non alcoholic beer when out. Sometimes because I'm driving but often because alcohol can make me feel really bad.

I'm still good company and have a good laugh. I'm not stiff and formal ffs just because I've not had a drink of alcohol. I've even given some rip roaring karaoke renditions while completely sober 😁

I understand its a social lubricant but surely if these people are your friends you're already very relaxed in their company?

I really do think that it says more about you OP if you can't enjoying yourself when your friend isn't drinking alcohol.

You think drinking something with no alcohol in makes you a child @SpaceRaccoon ? In my experience as a post-menopausal woman, it makes you an older adult. I like alcohol, I enjoy a glass of wine but increasingly I’m on fizzy water or peach iced tea.