Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

So much of this resonates with me! For years I would say I never had a hangover, drank regularly but not to excess. Each to their own but when I was truly honest with myself and changed I can now admit I had a “low grade hangover” for literally years!

not all the money in the world (or great nights out in Vegas) would make me want that again.

don’t stress about it OP. I’m sure you have loads of people who will happily stay connected to you and drink with you socially.

Whereas two glasses of wine will leave me feeling bad and 3 falls into properly messy.

sorry, I thought you were talking about yourself

I agree that generally in social groups which revolve around drinking the drinkers will be laughing more. How many of us feel perfectly fine the next day after drinking though? I'd rather do an activity that's fun and have a laugh without drinking alcohol and feel fine later on.

I don’t really drink alcohol bar a Baileys at Christmas. I like myself 😊

I've always thought that the most popular social lubricant isn't KY jelly, it's alcohol.

It's interesting because I've been on both sides of this.

I enjoy a drink and have previously had all the why do you need a drink to enjoy yoirself talk from non drinking friends. I would say I'm perfectly happy without a drink, but life is just a bit more fun with one. Look at any social groups and the drinkers will be laughing more than the non drinkers. I don't think I was ever someone who tried to insist others should drink though.

Recently I've had to cut right back and my life has changed considerably. I feel (a bit) better, but what I enjoy has really changed. Being in the pub all evening is not fun any more. Dinner is unlikely to mean chatting until late. There are other things I enjoy instead, making the most of the nice weather next day rather than being tired and jaded, but what I want to do with my time has changed. Which means, my friends have changed too. I don't want to do what they want anymore.

Oh god they are so annoying! I will never be that non drinking patronising twat I hope.

What was unexpected for me was how some people seemed bothered by my new no drinking life even when we weren't on nights out, responding to accusations I never made.

"So I noticed you weren't drinking at the party... Is that recent... Have you stopped completely then... Yeah well I don't drink that often (I literally never asked)... Like I'd go three weeks without having a drink, I always know when to stop... I will just finish off the leftovers now from the party - a few bottles of spirits - and then I won't bother replacing"

One not close friend wouldn't drop the subject, it was like she was inventing a whole narrative in my head. I couldn't give a toss how anyone else is living their lives. I just kept nodding and trying to talk about anything else.

I've always been into fitness but I've been very focused the last year or two so that is a rock solid non preachy response to anyone who asks why I don't drink anymore.

Exactly. Or a Virgin Mary.

Heavy drinkers are the people who are boring.

I don't think so. I think the judgy bit and I identify myself as this is "I NEED other people to drink with me to enjoy their company" I get being irritated with people who make it their topic of conversation...the teetotal evangelists....but if they are just making a different choice of what they have in their glass then I don't see a problem.

oh boy do you need different friends

so you don't really like yourself without alcohol?

I think it's normal to not like when your companions stop doing the thing you used to do and enjoy together. And drinkers can feel a bit self conscious around non drinkers. The "my god we were all shit faced that night" reminiscing is hilarious but you being the drunken fool alone is pathetic.

Yes drinking less is an option for some people.

But I know myself that I absolutely loved the feeling of the second drink, that buzz was utopia; unfortunately it wears off and then I'd spend the rest of the evening trying to find a balance of not sobering up and not drinking too much. It became an unnecessary stress.

Yes I'm different now I'm sure. The loud raucous screaming laughter probably less so along with late nights or attending occasions which I truthfully find a bit boring but use alcohol to pass the time.I'm enjoying my own life more - sorry not sorry.

I remember stopping taking drugs in my twenties and my social group always trying to lure me back in. To this day, decades later they ail proffer a line of white powder or a shake a bag of pills in my face. I shake my head every time. It's no different with alcohol, they accept me as I am now or they don't.

Well that's great you don't have any problem with drink, sadly others do....
Your fun pal who drinks with you and an absolute hoot, may go home and be unbearable, or continue to drink, be unproductive next day for work and loads of other reasons.
Yes it's more boring for you, but safer for them.
Good news is, you will always find a drinking partner, whether you would want to sip a diet coke and listen to them is another matter

I get this @CurdinHenry. I've been on both sides - as a millennial in my uni days I was the odd one who didn't drink alcohol at all (so was automatically "des" on nights out) and hated being sober around loads of drunk people, it was boring.
I have a close friend now where the narrative of our friendship has mostly been enjoying a few glasses of wine together - so not incredibly or even moderately drunk. She's recently cut back hugely on alcohol, and when we see eachother I mirror her so either don't drink at all or just have the one small glass. And whilst I still enjoy her company it definitely feels different. She's not as bubbly or animated and I guess I miss the slightly silly element of when we'd be tipsy together. And as someone else said upthread, I think we were more likely to feel able to share things when we felt a little less inhibited/anxious of talking about difficult things. Like I say I still enjoy her company but I have definitely noticed the dynamic of our interactions is different and I miss how it was before.

Yes going for a drink is an activity but you said some activities are more fun when you’re drinking and I was genuinely curious as to what they were, other than drinking in itself being the activity. That’s why I put the emoji because your reply was ‘getting tipsy’ as the activity that is more fun with a drinking friend.

Life moves on though. I think drinking and bonding over it at uni is absolutely fine. Both my kids did it and I probably would too had I gone to uni. But I think if you’re still chasing that vibe where alcohol is central to having fun, long after you’ve left uni, then that can get old for other people. After graduating my eldest said they were no longer so into the getting drunk phase and my youngest said they were already getting tired of it after their first year. Neither are teetotal but neither show signs of depending on it too much (Thank god as their dad is a recovering alcoholic).

Really?! It's like the person isn't even there? Because you're drinking different drinks? This is just not my experience at all! Interesting....

Well, I've tried to answer clearly, I'm not sure the laughing emoji response is quite justified.

I'm not sure why you don't think that going for a drink is an activity?

But, I'm getting the impression this wasn't the honest enquiry I assumed, so I'll opt out here.

I’m still none the wiser about what activities you do better with a drinking friend, other than drink (get tipsy) 🫤😁

Not playing a board game is not quite the same because she’s sitting out a specific activity while everyone else is playing.

As I said, I’m not judging you, I was just curious about what activities are more enjoyable with a drinking friend than a sober one.

The whole post is how OP needs not only herself, but also her friends, to drink to have fun.
As a sometimes drinker I don't want that. I want to have genuine friendships. I want to laugh and dance and talk with my friends. I want my friends to be happy, comfortable and confident with their own decisions.

I’m not teetotal but I’m one of those ‘will have a Bailey’s at Christmas and a non-alcoholic beer on a hot day’ type drinkers. I’ve never not been able to make friends or bond with people because I rarely drink. I’m pretty sure the last time I was drunk was back in the 80s when I threw up in a taxi and got very short shrift from the taxi driver 🥺 I realised me and alcohol just didn’t get on, one glass made very sleepy and two made me sick. There hasn’t been a single moment where my ability to make friends or enjoy myself has been compromised by not drinking alcohol.

I think it’s always been a complete mystery to me why drinking = fun, not drinking = boring.

(Name Change) This thread makes me feel sad but thank you for your honesty, I was born with Biliary Atresia and have never been able to drink. I had my first liver operation at 5 weeks and needed a liver transplant at 17.

You are definitely not alone in your thoughts

On the whole I thought my friends understood it, I have always been the designated driver, I have had the honest heart to hearts at 2am etc, put friends to bed, I have given toasts at wedding with Appletizer and helped to clean up after BBQs, parties etc.

A few years ago we gained a new Mum friend in our group who is the only person who has said to my face that my non drinking made her uncomfortable and changed the vibe for her. She took over arranging the meets up and just started to ease me out. At first, It risked splitting our friendship group and thankfully I had the chance to move with work about 6 months later so it resolved itself.

We need more honesty in the world