Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

there is a very naice carehome near me where they offer a choice of aperitifs before lunch and dinner and nightcaps if they want it.

I get it OP. I gave up drinking 3 years ago, friendships change, especially when maybe they were built on boozy fun anyway

i accepted I might lose friendships when I gave up drinking, but if that is done to you it’s not as easy to accept

fair comment

wow. my friends don't say shit like that. We have too much else to talk about.

If a friend put me in that box I'd tell them not to trouble themselves.

Why do you care what other people put in their mouths?

as the name suggests I’m a 20+year party girl now sober. I’ve had some fantastic experiences and memories helped by alcohol. But……. In the last few years literally all the bad $hit included alcohol. I’m so done with the hangover (and crap dull skin)

now sober I have to say in my experience it’s SO BORING listening to people who are drunk telling you the same thing for the third time on the same night!!

so maybe your friend feels equally uninspired by your company now too! 🤣

For me it's also the stuff that goes with it -

"Oh I don't need to drink to have fun"
"I'm taking more care of myself"
"I am on blah blah diet and wine causes inflammation blah blah"

It all just feels a bit morally superior

Trouble is that they may have already put you in theirs.

It does, definitely more tiring. Although no hangover is fun.

A pub quiz is actually a really good activity to do with drinkers and non-drinkers. Maybe that’s the way to ‘do the pub’ with non drinking friends.

A perspective from the other side - I think people who lean on alcohol / look forward to ‘drinking’ must not have much going on! It seems so unhealthy / a negative life force to me. I don’t have time for hangovers and can’t enjoy life feeling crappy or like I need a drink. I wondered if you had a problem with alcohol if you have to think about it / peoples habits to the extent you have to post about it.

I agree with you I'd never say anything to someone who decided to quit drinking but the type of relationship we had would definitely change and I would miss that. Im not talking about going out and getting pissed but a few drinks in the beer garden on a warm day you can't beat it and I would be a lot less interested in doing this with someone sat their with a glass of water

I agree. I really don't care what they drink but invariably people who are drinking sparkling water / sprite go home earlier, are leas chatty, etc. I myself can only drink 2 glasses of wine/2 cocktails per evening now since I had my.last baby so I'm not one for a heavy night but there is a genuine difference in how people behave.

I’m with you on this, OP. I’d never say so to any of my friends, obviously, but my heart sinks slightly when someone announces they’re not drinking. Just feels less convivial. Clearly not my friends’ faults though and I don’t love them any less for it.

However, in the world of Mumsnet alcohol is a hideous vice and everyone who actually enjoys a drink now and again is an alcoholic, and liking to engage in the millennia-old European culturally ingrained practice of friends socialising or celebrating with a shared drink means you’re basically Satan and it’s actually the drinkers who are no fun, with their laughter and relaxed vibe and willingness to stay out until closing time, and the fun ones are the people who sit there for two hours with one lime and soda and purse their lips if anyone swears.

Before anyone says “You wouldn’t say this if you had experience of living with an alcoholic” - I absolutely have had that experience, and that’s precisely why I know the difference between someone who likes a drink and someone who is addicted to alcohol.

I do get it OP!

obvs the perfect MNetters will come on to say that you/we have a problem blah blah. But it’s about a shared joy, more relaxed and having similar conversations. I think someone already said, but non drinkers also more likely to drive and go home early as they have less buzz and feel more tired. So the evening is just different.

and to note - I’ve been both!

I do the same. It takes a bit more effort though doesnt it!

This.... alcohol makes you more honest.

People tell the truth when they have had a few, they cant help it and truth makes you closer, it builds trust. I remember being on a night out with one of my best friends, her having a big tantrum about her boyfriend, and us telling her after a few drinks that she was being a needy cow.

She told us the next day when sober that she needed that honesty & it probably saved their relationship. They are happily married 20 yrs later.

Yes you can achieve these situations sober but a lot of people alcohol is a social lubricant.

I agree with you. I'm the one that stopped drinking due to health stuff, and I miss that bonding silliness instead of sitting with a stick up my arse.
I'll often get alcohol free beer so it looks like I'm drinking too, and try and join in the daftness so no-one is any the wiser.

The issue I had is not drinking non alcoholic drinks but friends would only stay 90 minutes then drive home because they found being in the pub weird sober. The odd thing was that I don’t drink that much but am happy staying out sober, they are not

I know what you mean. It’s not a shared experience anymore, not really. And it’s probably a bit boring for them nursing a fizzy water while everyone else is getting pissed. The solution is to change what you do together - go to the cinema, gym, a dessert parlour, a walk, an art class, a book club, a concert, a spa, a talk, craft/jewelry making/zumba class (there’s always loads of local things on Eventbrite) - places that aren’t centred around alcohol would probably be much more fun for everyone.

I understand OP. If you are drinking wine and everyone else is sipping Diet Coke it obviously changes the vibe. But you’ll get no sympathy here. On MN, anyone who drinks more than one glass of wine a month is an alcoholic and on a one way ride to liver failure.

So maybe your feelings about this are connected to your perception of your mother?

I have been very drunk with friends. I have also cried with laughter with friends when we were all stone cold sober.

If you haven’t, I would suggest you need better friends, not more alcohol. Good luck!