Secretly I hate when my friends give up drinking

If you enjoy your friends more when they are drunk then maybe the friendships are not all that great.

I’m wondering if they also are funding they enjoy your company less more now

Don’t be daft

I go out 5 times a year. Keep your wig on. Thankfully only two of the six that meet up are in the sober club.

Gosh, your smugness JUMPS off the page.

you know you have a problem don't you?

100% this. ^ Some people make really snarky remarks when you don't drink because it's highlighting to them that they drink too much, and the fact that they can't function socially without alcohol. They're the same type who don't like it when someone gives up smoking, or loses weight. They have to pour scorn all over you because they're jealous and insecure, because THEY can't achieve what you have!

I feel sorry for them really.

I used to be a drinker, and depended on alcohol for confidence when I was socialising with people in a pub or club or bar, and to enjoy myself, and it all seems rather pathetic now. I am much happier and healthier sober (3 years now,) and can't stand being around people who are drunk.

Fortunately, my DH is teetotal too (3 years before me because of health reasons,) and my 2 adult DC in their late 20s rarely drink. (They never drink when we socialise with them.) My 2 BFF aren't fussed about alcohol either. Being pissed at 18-25 is fine (once every couple of months maybe,) but the older you are, the worse it looks when you're pissed!

With you OP. It is not necessarily about the booze, its about the disconnect and often times one upmanship.

An evening in the pub with Laura who feels smug as shit because she is clean living and can't wait to let you know is, dire.

An evening in the pub with Sam who is not drinking but not judging, is absolutely great.

Equally an evening in the pub with Sarah, shooting the breeze over a beer (note not a skinful) is fun, light-hearted, easy.

I love a beer, and dont need to feel judged for that, so for me its more about this.

Some people have friendships built on social drinking though - all mine were. Boozy fun was how relationships were cemented.

I used to run my inlaws pub for them when they went on holiday and this is deeply true.

me too. best silly night ever was when we won a local quiz night with a scratch team of strangers put together by the organisers from the odds and ends people and beat the teams who usually won. none of us were drinking and we had a fab evening.

neeeeeed laugh emoji. Its a lovely place. I used to visit rest homes as a community NHS rehab OT and its the only place I have ever been where you would be asked "does he/she know you are coming and if you said yes, they would say wait here and I will go and find him/her and if you said no, they would go and ask the person if they wanted to see me.

Reading this makes me feel sad for my husband.

He realised a couple of years ago drinking had become a problem for him and he had to stop. Trouble is, all of his socialising with friends revolved around the pub and drink.

I'm sure to some of his friends he is in the " heavy sigh obligation meet up box" and he feels boring to his friends, no matter how much I try and reassure him that he isn't, and hes actually a better person without the alcohol

Its sad. He doesn't go out much anymore as he feels that his friends have the same secret attitude that you do.

I keep telling him to try new things and meet new people but at the moment, I think he still craves his old friends and connections.

Then you should worry about your attitude to alcohol. Boozers love company.

I actually agree with you OP! I totally enjoy takeaway and wine night with some female friends and it’s not quite the same without the fizz. I still enjoy their company and we tend to meet for sober lunches now. I miss the daft laughter and slightly inebriated nonsense we talked about when fuelled with wine though.

I was actually thinking how would anybody know if you were having an alcoholic drink or not? A lot of the time you wouldn't have a clue.

I'm capable of being silly with or without alcohol 😂

thinking about it some of the most really deep and honest conversations I have had have been over cups of coffee.
I still do enjoy a drink but while the brain is willing, the body often says "hell no"

It changes the dynamic of the night out. I tend to forget about them and get drunk. Thankfully I don’t drink at home and don’t go out much, once I start on the wine I’m as drunk on one glass as I am after 5, just with worse balance.
I regret it most of the time unless I’m with funny drunk people. I over share with sober people. I just can’t go out and not have a drink in a pub or restaurant.

I think this is what I don't get about what you're saying. It seems to be that you have friends who you drink with (whether that's a big night out or a couple of glasses) and that's the only thing you do with those people, so if they stop or cut down that can't happen any more.

That's weird to me. I do loads of different things with my friends - walks, coffee, theatre, meals... Some of them might involve a drink but not all, and I don't think there's anyone who I drink with as the only activity we do.

All of these activities can involve laughing till we cry, or having honest and blunt conversations, with our without alcohol.

One of my friends has recently stopped drinking, and I can't say it's made any perceptible difference to our get-togethers. One of our friends though does seems to have a real problem with the fact one of us now doesn't drink - and funnily enough it's the one who I've always quietly wondered if her drinking was problematic.

I find the differences of experiences interesting.
For me, I know a lot more people who get more serious and more emotional when they’re drunk. I also find that sober people tend to find drunk people boring and that for me personally, quitting drinking has had such a positive effect on my mental health that I am less serious over all, not more.

I rarely drink, I can't remember the last time I was drunk, maybe my best friends birthday party 18 months ago, and yet I agree with you.

It's not the same for either party. There's nothing worse when you're sober than a drunk person around you and I don't feel like you can have the same conversations sober as you do when you're drinking..
If I wanted a good night out I wouldn't necessarily choose to go with a friend who's going to be on pop all night , it's not the same vibe.

Where is this ? … asking for a friend 🤔

I sort of get you. But I have a few different friend groups. I have wine friends. Coffee and play date friends and friends that I just go for a walk with, So what im saying is I am that "wine" friend to some but not all. So if you care for your friend you can become their walk friend, their coffee/lunch friend and then have your wine with your other friends?

Agree