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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to ask for more flexibility before accepting this job offer?

229 replies

Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:12

Have an offer from a company. Been in my role for years and I have lots of flexibility with my working hours which is key as I have a 5 year old DD and do school runs etc.

Role is hybrid: 2 days at home, 3 days in the office. Office is in a part of London which isn’t convenient for me and would mean commuting for 1 hr 45 min door to door.
Day starts at 8:30 to 5:30 but they have made it clear it’s busy so I think extra hours are expected.

I can only consider this role if they allowed me to work from home 3 days a week and start at 9am most days and theb leave at 4pm when in the office and do the pick up. Then I’d reconnect in the evening to finish work.
Is this an unreasonable request? It is what ai do with my employer but have earnt this flexibility over a long tenure and I appreciate a new company might think IABU.

Keen to hear thoughts

OP posts:
Nanof8 · 14/07/2026 19:42

The1 hour 45 minute commute would be enough for me to decline the position.
That's 3 1/2 hours a day. No thank you.
What is this new job offering that you would consider changing jobs?
Are you able to have the children in an afterschool club or have a neighbour do pickups(for a fee of course) on the days you can't.

MJagain · 14/07/2026 19:42

It’s worth asking, but reallly the outcome depends on how sought after your skills are.
we are an onsite first company but recently offered 2 remote roles as we really want them! So if you’re bringing something unique then great; generic project management or something then I doubt you’ll be success

rookiemere · 14/07/2026 19:40

You can ask, but even if they say yes, imagine how awkward it will be when you rock in at 9.00am with everyone already at their desks or holding meetings from 8.30 as that’s their business hours, and when you run out of meetings at 4. I assume this is a relatively senior position, it’s not a good look. What might be more palatable is standard working hours ( and try and bake in the ability to stay late on occasion) for less office days per week.

Chilly80 · 14/07/2026 19:40

Doesn't hurt to ask. But if there's other good applicants I would assume they'll say no however if you were the best by a mile then you'll be able to negotiate.

Bumcake · 14/07/2026 19:40

My workplace might say yes to part of it, if your role is niche enough that it’s hard to recruit to. Being in the office less than everyone else would put backs up though.

Also, we expect newbies in more frequently at first to get to know the place / culture.

LlynTegid · 14/07/2026 19:40

You run the risk that it is accepted and then in a few months it is deemed it needs to change for alleged business reasons.

Politely decline the offer.

Wafalaman · 14/07/2026 19:39

I would ask. You have nothing to lose, if you cannot take the job without those concessions

hahabahbag · 14/07/2026 19:37

If I was the hr manager I’d just say no. One adaptation might be considered eg 9am start but not an extra day wfh plus leaving 90 minutes early. Logging on later is no good when it comes to meetings. You need work close to your house

HelloMyNameIsElderSmurf · 14/07/2026 19:37

You can ask, but given the current climate on companies wanting folk in the office more then there’s not a way in hell I would give this concession to a newcomer and risk half my existing team throwing their toys out of the pram. (I don’t necessarily agree with the everyone in for three days approach, but fuck giving myself the management hassle of dealing with the fall out).

RoseOliviaAu · 14/07/2026 19:36

You can ask but I imagine they’ll offer to someone else

Original poster
Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:34

ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:32

If i had a pound for every time a woman on here insisted flexibility is the default in her job, but working hours are completely fixed in her husbands (tyically Big Job), I'd be rich.

Well you are wrong. DH does not have the big job, quite the opposite in fact. I think maybe you should just trust what the OP says without questioning these facts further.

OP posts:
ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:32

If i had a pound for every time a woman on here insisted flexibility is the default in her job, but working hours are completely fixed in her husbands (tyically Big Job), I'd be rich.

Original poster
Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:30

Unwelcomeknocking · 14/07/2026 19:29

Is the company based at Paddington?
If thats the case I can assure you that they will not budge from the 3 days per office rule and you will get a monthly reminder about the mandatory attendance rules alongside a warning about disciplinary repercussions if not adhered to.
If you already know that you will struggle to make this work I’d turn it down.

No

OP posts:
Original poster
Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:30

ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:26

DH’s job isn’t flexible as he needs to be onsite and longer hours.

This job requires you to be onsite and longer hours, so you can't do the pick up either. Why do you expect this company to consider concessions for you that your DH is apparently unable to demand from his employer?

DH isn’t “apparently” unable to demand that. His job cannot be done remotely and working hours in his industry aren’t negotiable.
I work in professional services and lots of people in my work circle have these types pf arrangements as parents. It’s very common in my company for example

OP posts:
Walkerzoo · 14/07/2026 19:29

Not the right job.
Flexibility at that age is vital

Unwelcomeknocking · 14/07/2026 19:29

Is the company based at Paddington?
If thats the case I can assure you that they will not budge from the 3 days per office rule and you will get a monthly reminder about the mandatory attendance rules alongside a warning about disciplinary repercussions if not adhered to.
If you already know that you will struggle to make this work I’d turn it down.

MerryUmberHedgehog · 14/07/2026 19:27

Ask. If they say no then thats it. Depends on how much you want the job

ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:27

Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:18

Because when I applied I did not know their working pattern nor the fact that they start at 8:30 (9am is the norm in my industry)

Show quote history

You knew the location though. Its not the role for you.

ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:26

DH’s job isn’t flexible as he needs to be onsite and longer hours.

This job requires you to be onsite and longer hours, so you can't do the pick up either. Why do you expect this company to consider concessions for you that your DH is apparently unable to demand from his employer?

DoloresDelEriba · 14/07/2026 19:25

Sounds like the wrong job for you.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 14/07/2026 19:24

KatiePricesKnickers · 14/07/2026 19:19

Just decline the offer.
If the rule is 3 days in the office there is no way they will piss off everyone else by give you an extra day at home.

I think this is true
I know within our nhs trust we are fairly flexible but we couldn’t do something for one team member and then not another team member, that just wouldn’t work at all and would cause all sorts of issues and grievances.
Location of Work is really important when you have young children as you have to factor in the commute and time to collect them and drop them off. I guess your other option is a childminder/ Nanny on the other days of the week perhaps?

jessieplat · 14/07/2026 19:23

Is it public or private sector?

KatiePricesKnickers · 14/07/2026 19:19

Just decline the offer.
If the rule is 3 days in the office there is no way they will piss off everyone else by give you an extra day at home.

Original poster
Aabbaas · 14/07/2026 19:18

ToffeeCrabApple · 14/07/2026 19:17

Office is in a part of London which isn’t convenient for me and would mean commuting for 1 hr 45 min door to door

So why did you apply for it if you know it doesnt work for you? You've wasted their time.

Because when I applied I did not know their working pattern nor the fact that they start at 8:30 (9am is the norm in my industry)

OP posts:
jessieplat · 14/07/2026 19:17

If those are the only terms you can accept the role then you have to put the request in. We can’t tell you if it’s acceptable, it would be fine where I work but wouldn’t be in lots of places. You have nothing to lose, ask, but be prepared to say no and need to turn the role down.

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