To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

I think OP means a head piece rather than a hair piece

I’ve had to go to a funeral in my uniform I apologised when you greet them on the way out
it was ether that or not to go

I'm a gypsy so we take funerals very seriously but I'd have thrown people out if they came to my family members funeral dressed like that.

She’s not policing or controlling anything though is she? It’s not like she started ejecting people. All she’s doing is reacting to something that happened and expressing perfectly reasonably how it made her feel.

If anything you’re trying to control how she should feel about it and dismissing her perfectly legitimate feelings.

People can wear what they like but people do have the right to judge them on it.

Standards of dress have slipped to the extent that some people feel it perfectly acceptable to go out in whatever they’ve slept in the night before, so dressing sloppily for any formal occasion doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Unless casual clothes are specifically requested at a funeral in line with the deceased’s wishes, people should dress smartly. It’s not fucking difficult… although, it would appear, even the simplest of social etiquette is way over the heads of some.

And, yes, it’s hot atm but you can still look well turned out for a funeral without resorting to shorts and a strappy top, ffs.

Perhaps they had to go back to work afterwards? Or came straight from work?

What was your dad like? Were they thinking that he was a really casual man and would want them to be the same?

I’d personally prefer not to have a funeral but if it happened I’d like people to wear everyday clothes if they wish. If they really wanted hair pieces etc they can knock themselves out but anything would be fine.

Is there a chance they thought he would think similar?

A fascinator is weird for a funeral, a hat is much more respectful!

I think the funerals are for lamenting and I think we harm ourselves if we don’t allow collective grieving. It’s one of the few things that’s spans across human cultures

the wake is for the celebration

Depends on the family and the deceased. You can't generalise.

I think OP meant like a fascinator, rather than a half wig.

I wouldn't expect people to wearfull mourning dress - but they could and should have made some effort as a mark of respect to a grieving family.
It's a solemn occasion, not a BBQ in the park.

For hairpiece do you mean a head covering? A hairpiece is extensions etc. Either that or a head covering is way out, although I agree with you about casual attire.

I can see why this would upset you, especially if dressing smartly is part of how you personally show your respects to someone who has died and their family. I'd gently suggest that you not read too much into how people presented themselves and whether that is reflective of their feelings towards your father/his loved ones though. There is probably very little correlation.

For a lot of people the respect and care they hold for someone isn't expressed through how they dress, and at most of the funerals I've been to in recent years (I'm 36, but I seem to have been to an awful lot), mourners have been told to dress however is comfortable to them. For myself, I do tend to try and look smart if it was someone I didn't know especially well/if I'm not close to their family; ironically I'm more of a mess at the funerals of my nearest and dearest.

Regardless, I'm truly sorry for your loss and I hope you and your family are supported through your grief by those around you.

No your wrong. It's a celebration of life.

As a catholic who has only gone to 2 civil funerals in England and about a million catholic funerals in Ireland I have literally never seen anyone wear a veil or a mantilla to a funeral.

Could they have come straight from work or be going back to work after the funeral?

How did the "scruffy people" know your dad, were they friends from down the pub, from work or from some sort of club/society?

Sorry for your loss.

And if coming from work I would have had spare clothes that I could change into - that’s a minimum

The deceased don't even see whose wearing what. This post is another form of people trying to control how others dress, you won't and you can't.
It has no bearing in their respect for the deceased.
Would you rather they didn't attend .

I saw people come in dirty tracksuits to a friends brother’s funeral. I found it very strange.

Equally I’d find a pashmina and hairpiece a bit over the top though. It’s not a wedding.

I think perhaps the heat had affected people as many only have black funeral clothes in heavy, colder weather materials.

Sorry for your loss op.

Yeah hate this idea that ‘it doesn’t matter’ or that it’s ‘morbid’ to wear dark colours. It should be solemn. It should be mournful. People are grieving the loss of a loved one and a funeral is a formal time of lament. They should dress appropriately and with respect. YANBU.

sorry about your dad.

i am not one for posh dressing , you wouldn’t get make up and jewellery, I don’t own black things , and what is a hairpiece ?

BUT I would be freshly fully washed , respectfully dressed in my smartest outfit , ironed , hair tamed. It’s such an important occasion.

So you’re upset people took time off work to come and mark their respects to your father?

I think you’re grieving and being irrational, it’s lovely so many people wanted to send off your father. Obsessing over their clothes is not helpful, nor is it the real problem.