To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

YABVU.
I suppose you’d be on here moaning if only a handful of people turned up, because the ones in work clothes stayed away because they would’ve had to change during their working day.

A funeral I arranged last year had a load of cyclists on their bikes in cycling gear, as the person who’d died hd a range of hobbies, including cycling. It was fab to see.

I do understand where you are coming from but I would feel consoled by people taking the time to come to the funeral. I believe that means more than what they are wearing, although ideally they would dress more formally. I think its so easy nowadays for people to claim work / childcare / being busy / or simply not offer to come at all (this happened with my Dad's funeral) that I felt genuinely touched by those that did make the effort to come and it sounds like you had a good turnout. Its also very warm and people lose the ability to dress appropriately in this weather.

You clearly have different ideas about what is appropriate for a funeral but I don't think there is a right answer here. You may have felt they were being disrespectful but that is not to say they intended it that way, or that their attire reflected the way they felt about your Dad.

I am sorry for your loss.

Its not what I have observed at funerals I have attended. People still show in appropriate clothing bot all black and I've seen no veils but at the resent funeral I attended last month it was all clean office style clothing that fitted the occation well imo.

I think YABU, sorry.

If Covid taught us anything it’s that their presence is what matters the most. Unless you asked for a specific dress code I think it’s to be expected.

Hang on, even if you come from work you can still get changed into something presentable! DP is a builder and has gone to many middle of the day funerals and worked either side. He gets changed in the back of a van if there's literally nowhere else private. You can stop at a supermarket and get changed in the loo fgs.

I think (absent specific instructions like wear football kit etc) black, grey, muted dark colours like purple, blue, green, brown are all ok in today's less formal world. But showing up in a mini dress or dirty clothes just isn't ok. Even clean black joggers and a black t shirt would be fine if that's genuinely all people have.

Who were these people to your Dad op?

Just be grateful they were there. I had myself and my sibling at one of our parents’ Funeral during a Covid lockdown, no one else.

So they’ve made the effort to come out of work?? If they’re not family then they would not be entitled to any kind of time off so maybe they’ve just don’t best they can to get there at all. People who’d come in obvious work attire wouldn’t bother me much,

I feel the same. I stood next to a cousin who was wearing grey joggers at a funeral and I felt embarrassed for him. I know he's got other trousers, even his work uniform would've been more respectable.

At a graduation ceremony recently there were men and women in denim cut-offs, vests and flip-flops. Now it was a very hot day, but come on! It's a formal event, put a tiny bit of effort into acknowledging that.

100% agree. If the notice doesn’t say casual or colourful, men put on a pair of dark trousers and a collared shirt at the very least or a dress, trousers, skirt, blouse for the ladies that is not scrappy, revealing or 2 inches past base camp. It’s not that difficult. As for the person who went in their uniform I guess it depends what uniform, police, school - ok. Dinner lady, cleaner, lollipop lady - no. It takes 5 mins to quickly change into something appropriate.

It depends on age/social circle entirely. I went to three weddings last year and it differed a bit from wedding to wedding but in the under 50 crowd I would say only 10% would be wearing a headpiece. More in the over 50 crowd, maybe 50%. However in other social circles its much more common from pics ive seen of weddings on Facebook, but still definitely split by age of attendee.
Sorry for your loss.
Im sure people weren't doing it as a proactive intentional sign of disrespect towards anyone, more lacking in awareness.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. People should always dress smartly, or at least, attempt to be well turned out for a funeral. Very rude and disrespectful to the memory of your dad and to his loved ones.

I hope there were some more positive aspects of the day that you can take with you: a lovely, moving eulogy, a beautiful hymn, or simply seeing how much your dad meant to the people who came to say goodbye 💐

I went to a much loved neighbours funeral and wore black and I also was surprised at people including older folk just rolling in with whatever they'd put on that morning. Definitely felt off. I also felt like a bit of a tit conspicuous that I appeared to be overly formal. Very different to my beloved mother in law where the family all dressed appropriately, no bright colours because it wasn't a celebratory affair it was a very sad one. Yes I'm a grumpy old woman!!

I've only ever been to Catholic funerals and never saw this at any of them .

I wouldn't expect people to be wearing head peices like fascinators , and i have never seen anyone wear anything like that for a funeral .

Black is becoming less of a thing for funerals, however it is normally it is stated on the arrangements if alternative colours are preferred. I would assume smart dress unless told otherwise, joggers is taking it too far IMO

So sorry for your loss.

Completely agree it's disrespectful. I have found one or two people turn up like that but most make an effort. In this weather loose black linen trousers or a black/dark linen dress would look smart.

I have made it quite clear to my adult children that when it's my turn I want as close to Victorian mourning clothes as possible, but then I was a bit of a teen goth. I think the ceremonial aspect being a change from everyday life is important.

Although I understand your upset I would try very hard to be glad that all these people made the effort to come. He sounds like he was popular and had lots of people who cared enough about him to take time out of their day to come and say a last goodbye.
I presume they weren’t family as it sounds like these were people you didn’t really know.
More casual dress is becoming much more the norm at funerals but I suppose tracksuits are a step too far really.
Are these people who would have different clothes available??
Please try and focus on the positives of so many people turning up.

I have no idea where you are getting that I am trying to control what others wear

Is that because I was laughing with what one other person turned up in wearing, as I didn't actually say what they were wearing.

I think you should wind your neck in and think before you type

Have a lovely day 😃

YANBU. Although I don't think you should take it as an indication of what people thought about you or your father as such - some people are just slovenly at all times, these days. I've seen people at their own parents' funerals looking like they were dragged through a hedge.

I always wear black, and look smart. Although I don't go overboard with hair / makeup, jewellery etc - I don't want to look like I think I'm in a fashion parade. It's not a moment for looking like you're thinking about your own appearance.

I have known a lot of people attend funerals in work clothes. Usually it was because their workplace had agreed that they could take an hour or two off instead of having a lunch and they had to get straight back.

I was always moved that they had bothered to take the time to come.

Was any particular colour specified in the announcement? For my husband's funeral we asked people to wear blue and be comfortable. Blue was his favourite colour. Nobody rocked up in stained stuff or joggers, but nobody was formal either.

If the family ask for something specific, people should respect that and not turn up scruffy.

DH and I attended the funeral of a friend who died quite suddenly just a couple of weeks ago. It was extremely hot.
I wore a short-sleeved summer dress, around maxi length, DS turned up in a pale grey suit, DH trousers and a jacket, there were even a couple of men in shorts.
Our friend's wife wore a floral skirt and a blouse.
The consensus was that the deceased, a baby boomer, wouldn’t have given a flying fuck. The fact that we were there was the important thing.
Caveat — not all funerals are similar. Ask the family of the deceased for a steer.