To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

Where was this?

YANBU, I feel like dress codes have gone completely down the drain nowadays.

We’ve had 2 bereavements earlier this year and some people showed up to the funerals like they were just coming back from the club, it was embarrassing. One looked like he came back from the gym, with blue-grey jogger and a gym top. Not a bit embarrassed even.

She means head peice, like a hat or a fascinator. Very common for UK funerals.

I've noticed that amongst some circles this has become the poor excuse they've given themselves to get drunk after and treat it like a party. I can't think of anything more disrespectful.

Would you rather these people hadn't attended? Ideally they would all have dressed smarter but it's more important to remember that they chose to come and pay their respects to your dad.

Yes they do!!! More than that even. I’m in Ireland so I appreciate the culture is different. There could be several in one week sometimes.

YANBU at my mother's funeral I pulled up in the car and there was my aunty (mum's sister) in light blue jeans and an anorak type coat. I literally said what the fuck is she wearing. I knew fine well she has lots of black trousers she wears regularly. Some people are just idiots 🤷‍♀️

I agree with you but the last couple of funerals I’ve been to, I felt really overdressed tbh. I thought you were supposed to make an effort and be respectful but no one else seemed to have bothered and most just came in jeans or whatever, quite a surprise!

You laughed at how your niece (I'm assuming, could be stepdaughter, hopefully not your own daughter!) showed up to her grandmother's funeral? That's really horrible.

No - @Wheelchairbarbie has clarified - she meant a fascinator or similar, @Tablesandchairs23.

YANBU.

Whenever people post on here about funeral clothes, I’m always surprised by how many people respond that it doesn’t matter. Even if it doesn’t matter to them, I think that unless you are the close family of the deceased, it’s definitely worth going smarter (unless told otherwise obviously). If you’re the close family, then wear what you like.

I couldn't care less what people wore to my Dad's funeral. They took time off work, they got people to mind their kids, they thought enough of my father to come to the church to pay their respects and celebrate his life. I am so grateful for that.
Do I think less of them because they didn't wear a hairpiece or a mantilla (have not seen them since the 70's), absolutely not. It's all about intention, not presentation.

If I am going to a funeral, I wear something neat and appropriate - I have a plain black dress and a cardigan, and if the family have set a different dress code, I do my best to follow it. When my wonderful MIL died, we asked people to wear colours to her funeral - I had discussed it with her before she died, and that was her wish.

Clean and tidy is the absolute bare minimum for a formal occasion like a funeral - I am shocked that people would turn up in dirty jeans, tracksuit bottoms or beachwear. Yes, it is good that these people made the effort to be there, but dressing in a tidy and suitable outfit should not be too difficult for the vast majority of us.

@Wheelchairbarbie - my condolences on your loss - I know how painful it is to lose a parent. I hope that you can take comfort from the support you are getting.

A hairpiece like a toupee!

OP firstly I am very sorry for your loss.
I also on't think you were being unreasonable - did you put a dress code on the invite? We had a death in my family recently and were told to wear spring colours as that was their favourite, everyone was dressed smart with either a colourful scarf/shirt/tie/dress on. Jogging bottoms is absolutely riridulous for a funeral?! Nver heard of that before.
I would have definitely been a bit upset if no one put in any effort, but try to focus on yourself now as you have gone through something very difficult.

Absolutely this

How many funerals do you actually go to yourself? Some people go to some every week. They can’t be doing that if they have jobs to hold down.

I think there was a trend amongst some to wear informal clothing and bright colours. To celebrate etc.
But the clash comes when people are in mourning. They have lost someone. They aren’t happy. And the funeral is a solemn occasion.
What you wear shows you have given thought to how you feel about the occasion. And those primarily involved.
Turning up in everyday clothes is not respectful of the event. It is not an everyday event, a funeral.

I always thought funerals were more a celebration of the persons life (unless young) and a chance to say goodbye rather thsn a terribly somber affair. My family is very much a bottle of whisky and a retelling of stories post funeral. I do wear black though!

I’m with you OP. My family always say people now dress inappropriately for funerals.
I went to one last week and it was hot ( 27 degrees) but church was cool. I wore a black midi dress, sheer black tights and heels as usual. My children wore a navy suit with black tie and a navy shirt dress respectively.
I can’t imagine going to a formal occasion in casual or scruffy clothes just because it’s a warm day.

#toxicpositivity

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Im in Ireland so we wear whatever we have on for a funeral, we all just go, very casually, even if we are at work we would try to make it. Dressing up here would be weird, I think it’s because you have so long between the death and the funeral in the UK that you might be expected to have time to get ready and dress up?
Wearing black here would be really strange if you were not immediate family. I know it’s a different culture but I feel it’s more important that they made the effort to be there than what they were wearing. Would your dad have cared or would he have had a laugh with you about what they were wearing?

Don’t focus on this at all. I’m so sorry about your dad that’s really hard x