To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

I wouldnt care. I cremated my son 18 months ago and wouldn't have noticed.

I'm sorry for your loss. When my dad died a couple of years ago yes I wore a smart black dress and shoes. I did not wear any sort of hairpiece and did not do makeup as I don't wear any ever. Most people were very appropriately dressed though.

True 😁

Why is it in the U.K. you get accused of trying to control how people dress if you expect them to turn up to a funeral in clean clothes? It’s not a normal point of view, and it’s entirely cultural. I’d rather someone didn’t bother to turn up than do so looking like they fell out the back of a chippy.

I'm sure my dad went to a funeral every week when he was fit - in Ireland if you know someone at all you go to their funeral.

You would be seen dead at your own funeral though.

Hairpieces are surely still common at weddings?!

Extensions, yes. Never saw a "hairpiece", I'm not quite sure what it even is. Like a fake bun or something?

I think you're being a bit unreasonable. It was blazing hot for you guys, and the economy is shit. Most people aren't going to go buy an outfit for a funeral if they don't have one.

You should have specified a dress code if you wanted people to show up wearing specific clothes.

At my husband's funeral, people showed up in everything from jeans and work boots because they got a couple hours off to full dress uniforms. I appreciated all of them.

I think it's probably a combination of things:-

It's been unbearably hot in many places recently so people haven't been wearing smart clothes but holiday-type wear instead, and they've come in that.

Formal dress standards have slipped generally. Even blokes in suits don't seem to bother with ties these days. It may be that some people genuinely don't realise there's an expectation to dress up.

It could be that some people were given incorrect instructions about what to wear ("Oh just wear whatever you're comfortable in" said by a well-meaning relative.) I actually wore the wrong thing to my aunt's funeral as my uncle told me that she'd wanted people to wear very bright colours but didn't mention it to anyone else!

Try and focus on the fact that so many people came to your father's funeral, which reflects well on what people thought of him.

How is it horrible, unless the niece comes from a poor family and couldn’t afford a suitable outfit?
You have to get your relief where you can at funerals and if it’s at people who dress inappropriately so be it. Albeit if she was very young you’d hope a parent guided her.

Please don’t take it personally - I’m afraid that’s what some people are like these days. It shocks me too.

I've noticed this at the last couple of funerals I've been to. Weddings too. People just dont care about formality anymore. Personally I wouldn't be seen dead at a funeral in anything but the proper attire.

It’s impossible to tell if YABU because we didn’t see the clothes, and your ideas about appropriate do sound a bit 1980s. Of course people should dress respectfully, but there are caveats. If people came in (paint stained) work clothes perhaps they were rushing. It was very hot, which likely accounts for skimpier clothes.

You’re of course very distressed and people often focus their anger on relatively inconsequential things in times like this.

I guess if you know these people and they matter you could set a dress code before any future events, which they’ll respect if they care. But if they are friends of your dad’s who you don’t know well, just accept they’re not a fancy bunch!

I sympathise with you OP. I know there are funerals where people are encouraged to wear casual or bright clothes, or particular colours. But the default is for more sober colours and fairly smart and certainly neat clothes.

When my uncle died we were persuaded by another relative to invite someone who hardly knew him along with her partner who had never met him. I honestly don't know why she wanted to come. It was summer time but not hot. She wore creased cropped linen trousers in a pale colour and a t-shirt, and he wore faded jeans and a t-shirt. They were the only ones dressed that way and stuck out like sore thumbs. My uncle always dressed fairly conservatively and smartly and he wouldn't have been impressed. I certainly wasn't on his behalf anyway. I just felt it showed a lack of respect for him and for the occasion and proved that they didn't know him at all.

I’m sorry for your loss and YANBU. A couple of distant relatives turned up to one of my family members funerals in tracksuit bottoms and fucking crocs. They were told by me and multiple other people that they were being disrespectful and they didn’t give a hoot. Both as thick as mince.

He sounds lovely. And like many people loved him. If you believe he wouldn’t have cared, and these people cared about him, there’s no lack of respect. They showed up for him.

And your standards sound more than the norm. Wearing a hat hasn’t been ubiquitous for funerals for decades. I went to mass 30 years ago for a funeral and didn’t wear one. Yes, clean and tidy. And their standards sound quite far the other way.

Try to focus on how many people came. How many people loved him. How wonderful and nonjudgmental he was.

I'd be appalled if someone turned up to my loved one's funeral dressed as you describe. I've been to funerals in the freezing cold and boiling hot and always managed to find something suitable to wear. People are lazy and DGAF. It's revolting.

I'm with you OP.Even in this weather its easy to put a smart cool outfit together. Smart shorts/short sleeve shirt or linen dress or wide leg trousers.

I noticed the same at my Grandmas funeral last winter. My children also believe in dressing respectfully for various occasions and wore black suits & tie with one of Grandmas pins that they asked for. Rocked up to see some of the rest of the teens in grey joggers and a hoodie and girls in tiny skirts barely covering their arses.

I have not been to many funerals.

but I have been to a few where the specific instructions were do not wear black wear bright colours.

this seems more and more common.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Never heard of anyone wearing a hair piece and mostly have only gone to Catholic funerals. No make up either as it's likely to look like a mess with tears. I tend to not look at what anyone is wearing if I'm upset... sounds like you are the opposite.
The trend for black has gone - some still do it though and not many people have formal funeral clothes.
I think the main thing is that they did show up - they have given their time to recognise your Dad - that means something, hopefully you'll see that over time.

They’re not.

If a family demanded royal family style dress for a funeral I’d think they were a bit up themselves to be honest

Not at any funeral I've been to and I've been to far too many.

I agree completely - at a funeral you show respect. Black formal attire unless colour is specified.

I attended a funeral recently and if it hadn’t been for the black at the wake it would have felt like a wedding or birthday party! One person actually brought their own bottle of wine with them which seemed deeply inappropriate.

You took a photo of a grieving relative at their family's funeral to laugh at their attire?

I’m sorry for your loss
I do get what you mean op, FILs only surviving sibling wore something I thought was a bit ‘pottering in the garden’ casual.
However, if it’s a choice between attending casual or not attending because you don’t have, and can’t afford to buy, funeral attire, then I’d prefer people felt able to attend.
It’s nice when so many people care enough about the deceased to attend.

OP do you mean a fascinator? A hairpiece is not a hair accessory its literally a piece of false hair someone might pin to their hair??