To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

I'm sorry for your loss

I would always wear a smart black dress or skirt unless otherwise instructed at a funeral as a mark of respect, but there is definitely a trend towards more casual clothing. There are also people who will be unaware of what they should be wearing or come from families with different ideas. If they were mostly work colleagues or people your father knew from the pub they wouldn't have been expected to attend, so they could have easily made their excuses and not bothered. The fact that so many of them chose to attend shows how much your father meant to them, despite the way they were dressed.

Not unreasonable at all. A relative of my husband died recently and all the guests were appropriately dressed. Not necessarily black (I didn't wear black myself and as a pp said it's harder to wear something sober in hot weather).

But also agree they turned up and that's more important than what they wore.

Sorry for your loss.

'Not even clean - could substance abuse be involved perhaps?'
Oh, ffs, What a leap that is. This place is getting worse by the day....😆

So sorry to hear about your dad.

That is a bit rubbish that people didn't make an effort with their appearance. Unless stated otherwise, my expectation would be to wear black or dark colours and be smartly dressed at a funeral. However, they did turn up to mark his passing. Hope that brings some comfort.

I’m sorry for your loss. Lots of people turned up in boiling hot weather so it sounds like your dad was well liked. I would take a lot of comfort from that, rather than dwelling on the negatives.

I’m always very careful to dress nicely for a funeral but have noticed others aren’t always the same. To me it’s a mark of respect for the family and the deceased .I suppose the important thing is that they came .Anger is a natural emotion when you’re grieving so maybe try and file this away and revisit it later when things aren’t so raw. My sympathy goes out to you, so sorry for your loss.

I couldn’t tell you what people wore at my dads funeral to be honest I was just incredibly grateful people took time from their days to attend especially when he had withdrawn from life as his Parkinson’s developed

I think generally people should be guided by the deceased persons wishes- e.g. wear casual, wear red, wear bright colours etc. but if there is no guidance, it should be assumed that black/dark smart clothes should be worn.
To be honest, I think that smart/casual is fine e.g. chinos & shirt rather than a full suit, or skirt & cardie rather than full formal wear with hat & heals. I would never ever though, attend a funeral in very casual clothes (unless deceased wishes). Folk definitely do though- I went to a funeral about 10 years ago where one guest was wearing flip flops, a short denim skirt, and a vest top. Everyone else was wearing regular funeral garb so she stuck out like a sore thumb for all the wrong reasons.

I normally go smart and tidy (and clean!) but mums funeral I went really bright. She always loved my whacky clothes and knew she'd smile had she seen me. I did stand out like a sore thumb though.

I don't have an issue with no suits etc, but toned down, clean, ironed and smart whatever it is they want to wear is just perfect. Even a simple, clean pressed black t-shirt and pure black jeans with polished shoes is fine. I think the standards many generations have held and come to expect are falling, more's the pity.

Sorry for your loss OP and I hope you and your family are doing as well as can be.

Sorry for your loss. It can’t help when people do that. I have not yet witnessed such disrespect at a funeral, but I guess it is mostly family attending and they are respectful. I would rather not go to a funeral than appear disrespectful and risk someone feel like you do at this moment 💐

My daughter died last year. She was only 31 so a lot of younger people in attendance. A lot were in uniform (she worked for Border Force and they asked if I wanted them to wear uniform - I did). The rest were dressed appropriately and somberly, I’d have felt very disrespected if anyone had turned up casually, so I get it.

For The last few funerals we have been to we have seen a dress code, so maybe this was up to you.
Only one of these dress codes mentioned typical funeral wear. One was colourful ( as I will request for myself) and one was floral dresses and ties. The deceased woman was a keen gardener.
I think in general there is a problem with people wearing black to a funeral as most people only have black evening clothes and they turn up in what obviously is evening wear.

i agree OP. I went to a funeral of a friend of DH’s who had died prematurely and her DH was wearing jeans and a T shirt. We were all there in suits/black dresses.

So bizarre.

You’d not get me in a pashmina and a hairpiece in the middle of a heatwave no matter who died. It’s nice that people made the effort to attend - I’m sure you’d have felt a lot worse if only the formally dressed came.

Unfortunately it’s common, I organise funerals. I’ve seen a few upset families over this.

I agree with you OP. It seems to be in recent years that many people don't look smart at funerals. My husband and son dress very casually but wouldn't dream of going to a funeral without a collar and black tie at the very least. I always wear a smart dress or trousers. It's just a matter of respect.

Some of us don't think so, OP. I'm with you, I don't think it's enough to just turn up, I think a bit of respect is called for in dressing for a funeral. Otherwise it just looks like the person can barely be bothered. It's not as if head-to-foot black is expected these days, just something reasonably smart. It's not a big ask.

Ever since Covid a lot of people seem to be allergic to effort imo. Funerals are supposed to be about paying your respects, it's not the same as dropping in on someone for a quick cuppa. If people can't even be arsed getting changed before/after a funeral, it doesn't say a lot for society imo.

Really sorry for your loss, OP. 💐

Could it be they were allowed out of work for a short time to attend?

But they didn't have to go - they were not obligated - no one is. Going to a funeral is never fun but they went, they tuned up - not as big of effort as you'd have wanted. Sounds like you'd have been happier for them all to stay at home. I hope you find peace with all this because it really isn't the important bit. You've lost your dad - the funeral won't change that.

Your dad sounds lovely and I bet he wouldn't have minded and would have been happy they showed up from how you describe him.

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Secondly, though, it depends on whether you think funerals are a formal, serious, invitation-only occasion with a strict dress code that matters more than people's presence as a support, or whether you're simply pleased people took time out of their day to come and be present to say how much your dad meant to them.

I think you're focusing on completely the wrong thing, personally. My uncle died unexpectedly in January and the church was thronged with people from his childhood home, 40 miles away from where he died, on bad rural roads, many of whom farm, and were wearing what they would have been wearing on the farm, minus the overall on top. Other people were coming out in the middle of their working day. Some staff from the hospice were in scrubs. The janitors from the university where he worked were in their staff uniform. My mother and my aunts were so supported by the numbers of people who had made a huge effort to be there in person. I don't think it occurred to them to think twice about what anyone was wearing.

I'm sorry for your loss.
When people close to you die, I think you can sometimes get fixated on things you want to fix (I have been there too) and how the funeral wasn't perfect and minor things, such as how people dressed or who they came with etc. In a couple of years, this (the clothing) will not matter to you. Try and focus on how many people came, they came because your father was much loved, they came in their work clothes, because they wanted to pay respects to a man they liked. Coming in paint stained work clothes, is a testimant to your father, they didnt just skip it thinking, eh I wasnt that close to him or oh this isnt great timing for me, they came.

She means a fascinator. Although I'd associate that more with weddings a few years ago.