To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

Something that is also current on our world is people struggling with time off work..could some of those people in marked clothes have come from work and have to return to work?

No, but as we've established, you're an unusually formal person, who equates dressing a certain way with 'respect'. Most people don't feel that entering a church requires dressing in a particular way.

Hair piece ?? As in full in wig or one of those scrunchie things that looks like a bun or a pony tail?
I went to a funeral 2 weeks ago,planned my outfit,the the weather turned 35 deg,my chosen outfit would have been boiling!
Too late to order off vinted,so I bought a beautiful navy dress from.amazon ,not expensive as such, paid £6 for next day delivery, I felt great in it.
But there were some wierd out fits there, man in front of us in church had jean shorts on,trainers,polo t shirt! I was shocked 😲

I understand

I agree that standards seem to be dropping, but maybe I’m just old now

Don't let anyone tell you you're not allowed to feel annoyed about this. People on Mumsnet can have some strange views and attitudes..

It's bizarre that some people are arguing the dead person won't know (debatable anyway!) therefore it doesn't matter what people wear. By that logic none of it would matter at all - what would be the point of doing the funeral?

This is what I would assume.
The funerals (mostly Catholic) I've been to people wore simple dark clothes, not heals and fascinators.
I think you should appreciate that he had so many people from different walks of life that came to honour him.

Were they definitely there for the funeral?

I had to explain to some Church of Scotland colleagues that funeral masses are often part of the day’s mass and people who are there everyday won’t necessarily dress for a funeral

They may well have been using their lunch break to attend the funeral and were coming straight from work as that is the only way they could make it!

Of course it’s ‘gospel’ on MN, that everyone can wear what the hell they like, no matter what the occasion.

But I agree, OP - strappy dresses are not appropriate, nor are jogging bottoms, or anything else that looks scruffy/unkempt/not even clean.

Very few people seem to wear black, or dress formally for funerals nowadays (we’ve attended a couple recently) but it should surely be possible to wear presentable looking casual clothes that are at least clean.

At most funerals, @Wheelchairbarbie, that would be the equivalent of showing up wearing a crinoline and bonnet.

@Wheelchairbarbie 💐Firstly I'm very sorry for your loss.

For me YANBU except for the flip flops. I went to a funeral during the June heatwave (when it was feeling like 35 degrees) I wore some appropriately smart black clothes but in that heat I also stuck my flip flops on. Nobody noticed not cared and it certainly was not a reflection on how high a regard I held the deceased person in.

Equally I drove past a church today and wondered if they were having some sort of casual event due to the amount of people in jeans, polo shirts and strappy tops. It was only when more people walked by dressed for a funeral in smart black outfits that I realised what it was.

And yet who was grieving the most here? Are you actually suggesting that the most bereaved person present should have dressed more formally for his own wife's funeral, because jeans and tshirt suggests he mustn't have cared enough???

They have made the effort. They were there!
Everything is informal these days I think you're overthinking this

Totally agree with this.

So sorry for your loss op. I don’t know where people get this idea from that jeans/ joggers/ trainers should be the staple uniform for every occasion no matter what. It’s like some people cannot be bothered to make the effort anymore and it has been since Covid. Covid was in 2020/ 2021 when people got furloughed and were lounging about in the house all day, yet people are still dressing in ‘Covid clothes’ in 2026 with the pandemic being over years ago.
Why someone would come to a funeral wearing the same attire they wear to run errands or clean the house is mind boggling. I’ve always know the dress code for funerals to be black unless otherwise stated.

It’s ok others saying they turned up so that’s all that matters. Yes they turned up looking like they had been dragged out of bed and made no effort whatsoever and like they couldn’t be arsed to be there. And whilst a funeral is about the passing of someone who won’t know what people wore to the funeral I still find it disrespectful towards their close family and friends. It has obviously upset you enough to write a thread about it.

My dc were 11 and 13 when dh died. Adults wore dark colours but dc wore coloured clothes as I didn't like the thought of them looking like Victorian orphans. Their friends wore school uniform as came out of school to support them.

I am sorry about your dad. Losing someone you love is hard. I have been to more funerals than I would have liked most of them close family members.
What the mourners wore didn't even factor in my thoughts what mattered was that they cared enough to attend.
You say they were wearing work clothes perhaps they had just come from work or were going back to work because they couldn't take the day off.
How well did they know your dad? Perhaps they thought that he wouldn't mind what they were wearing.
I'm a little confused about your comment about you would wear a hair piece or fascinator to a funeral, I have never seen anyone dressing as formally as that at a funeral
Also many people now see funerals as a way of celebrating a life rather than mourn it's passing.so they don't wear black or overly formal clothes

You don’t have to dress up to be smart. A pair of black jeans or even blue jeans and a shirt for men perhaps and a plain dress for women? I’d be upset too op

I think colour matters less now, but funeral clothes should always be clean and smart. Sorry for your loss.

Well you can dwell on the fact that they didn't dress how you would have wished them to - or you can be thankful that they cared enough to showed up and give your dad a send off. I know which I would choose 🤷‍♀️