To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

She's not 'wrong'. Sometimes the family want to have a celebration of life, but that's not traditionally what a funeral is.

I suppose people have different viewpoints. Personally, I wouldn't wear obvious makeup or heels to a religious service and I think I'd go by the same principle for a crematorium too.
Wearing something tidy and black, yes. Everyone either has something black, the means to buy something or someone they can borrow it from. I really can't think how many people there are who don't have a black skirt or trousers.

I've never been to a funeral like that. People are in general dressed smartly though having been to far too many close family members in the last couple of years, there was a few dressed questionably. I never let it phase me though and just was of the mindset that at least they made the effort to turn up and show their respect, regardless of their chosen clothing.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It's true some people make their wishes about the funeral known before death and occasionally that includes specific colours or dress codes.
However unless specifically requested I think it's disrespectful to not wear at least sombre colours.

I was at a funeral last week. I don't own any formal clothes since I retired from work and a lifetime of smart clothing. I went out and bought cheap black trousers which I wore with a dark shirt. It was roasting so I didn't take a jacket. Everyone present, old and young were similarly dressed.

My 85 year old mum was a gregarious extrovert who wrote her own eulogy, planned the hymns and photos and requested that everyone wore flamboyant colourful clothes.

Everyone having one item of clothing obviously doesn't mean they'd have another type of clothing. You not having joggers isn't relevant because we're talking about people who clearly do own them.

Trainers, a lot of them are the thinner ones now. I don't know the technical name but do you know the Sketchers type ones, not properly waterproof? They're cooler than a formal shoe. Joggers can be thick or thin, so again they could absolutely be cooler than formal trousers.

Jeans would be faaaaaaaaar too hot for me too, but perhaps they were the most formal pair of trousers those people owned and they prioritised that and are less sweaty than me and you

Maybe they left work to attend the funeral and had to go back to work straight after. No time to change.

I’m sorry for your loss, but what people choose to wear bears absolutely no resemblance to how much they cared for your dad.

I would try and move past this.

I'd wear smart black clothes unless otherwise specified by the family of the deceased. It's a sign of respect.

Cant remember what anyone wore for my mums funeral.
I only remember that they were there.

Only if that is what the family want, @Netcurtainnelly! Some people do want bright colours at the funeral of their loved one, but others would prefer more sombre colours - it is up to the close family of the deceased to decide, and there is no ‘one size fits all’ answer.

I’m so sorry. 😔

I'm in two minds about this. The last few funerals I've been to I've noticed that it seems to be becoming the norm for people to dress increasingly casually these days, which has surprised me slightly. But OP I think you need to pay attention to your own words about your DF -

"My dad was a very accepting and kind person
He made everyone feel welcome, regardless of background and he rarely judged anyone. In fact he used to tell me and my mum off if we ever got a bit judgy or gossipy." So surely he wouldn't care in the slightest how people were dressed as long as they were there??

Well everyone seems to have jeans/ joggers and trainers though…. Except me of course. Well I maybe own a couple of pairs of jeans. And I only wear them so that I don’t look out of place on school runs seeing as the rest of the school mums wear the exact same items of clothing as each other. I wear trainers, certainly wouldn’t want to wear joggers.

Im also genuinely confused why people think trainers/ jeans/ joggers are thin enough to wear in hot temperatures. Trainers would make my feet sweat like hell. As would jeans and joggers make me sweat from the waste down.

Hi yes I did laugh, and to be honest so did everyone including the Vicar, I never actually said what she was wearing or why we were laughing.

It was my niece actually my Mother in Laws Grand daughter

Everyone just assumed it was in a nasty way, but I did put that it was the tonic that everyone needed

I've worn a mantilla to a funeral. I'm not Catholic, but the deceased was. His widow put a sentence in the funeral details explaining what a mantilla is, so I bought one off Etsy. It is important to show respect at funerals, and clothing is part of that respect. So, I've got a plain black shirt and skirt to wear at a funeral, except when the family have specifically stated a colour to wear.

I am so sorry. Having lost a fair few close people recently, I know how much it matters that people make an effort, with cards, words, and with turning up dressed appropriately. You never forget who does or doesnt...

It sounds like his funeral was well attended, so not everyone would be able to have time off. Have people popped out of work to be there?

IME people still make some effort to be smart and in darkish clothes, but at one funeral for a young man I went to recently, that meant all the women looked like they were going clubbing in LBDs.

Try to be happy so many people made the effort to be there OP.

I’m very sorry for your loss OP but I’m not sure you’re focusing on the right thing.

Try to concentrate on how many people obviously thought enough of your dad to want to be at his funeral. Even if it was a busy working day & they didn’t have time to change.

I would always wear black (unless otherwise directed). You just would, wouldn’t you? I agree it seems disrespectful but I don’t think they need match your preferences as far as hair wear etc. Just anything in mainly black should be achievable for most people. I’d at the very least have put a black cardigan over my clothes if I was going straight from work.

Sorry for your loss.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand what you’re saying but personally I’d feel differently. Showing up would mean everything, if they dressed for comfort due the weather that wouldn’t bother me. But anyone not showing up.. that really would.

Blimey I'm Catholic most people wear normal clothes now in mass, jeans, hoodies even. The main rule seems to be shoulders covered but even that isn't always adhered to. Times have changed now. For a funeral I'd expect smart clothes, not flip-flops to be fair but depends on the person. At my aunts she wanted people to wear bright colors and football shirts from her team as she was season ticket holder. Another friend was football shirts too. It depends what your dad would have wanted. At my funeral I don't want people being miserable I'd prefer bright colours not black.

Personally I always wear smart clothes, but I wouldn’t have cared what people wore to my dad’s funeral. The fact is they came to pay their respects.

I think I would just focus on the fact that people turned up and thought enough of your dad to do so