To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

Yes, I thought that -what a ridiculous thing to say on a post like this.

Bullshit. If you’re not a complete arsehole, you dress respectfully, because you’re there as much for the close family as for the person who passed away.

It doesn’t need to be particularly formal, and but people should make an effort to be smart.

Completely agree. Sick of seeing scruffs everywhere tbh. The knack of knowing when to dress for the occasion has never been taught to some people unfortunately. It's going the same ways as manners and respect.

I wouldn't mind people not wearing black but i would still expect them to be properly dressed. The people that turn up like that are probably the same ones you see wearing flag shorts on holiday in the restaurants and bloody flip flops.
You can still dress elegantly in the heat. I had the misfortune of sitting next to a guy in a fine dining restaurant last summer. Flip flops and shorts on. He had long legs and his feet were in my vision the whole time. Disgusting. I remember when you couldn't go out at the weekend and get in places with either jeans or trainers. Another tradition bites the dust.

Sorry for your loss OP 💐❤️

Sorry for loss OP.

When I go, a lot of my friends I see on the beach for swimming, wave jumping, fun and laughter.

I would rather they turn up in their dry robes and towelling cover ups than turn up in black with fascinations and pashminas m, I wouldn’t recognise them!

Perhaps you are right. I hate the fact that everyone is prepared to arrive at any event looking disheveled & making no effort. What have we become?

I agree with you OP, it’s very disrespectful to turn up to a funeral in casual clothes, I’d expect people to grab something from a supermarket or charity shop, even if it’s just a shirt with no tie, jeans or jogging bottoms or flip flops are unacceptable.

It’s over 30 degrees so I don’t think you can say anything about strappy tops, likewise work clothes - people obviously just nipped out to the funeral and I think that’s very kind of them to put themselves out.
Equally jeans and messy buns are inoffensive.

It sounds as though you dress up to the max formality for funerals which is what you find appropriate - not that many people would hit your levels. But the point is they loved your dad and took time to come - and if your dad was so kind and non judgemental, would he actually mind?

I think you’re probably very upset about your dad and projecting. It’s easier to be upset by a strappy top than the fact you’ve lost your beloved dad. I’m sorry for your loss.

That’s not the point though is it. I was giving examples of sheep following sheep. You seem to be defending to the hilt this trend of people dressing like can’t be arsed to make an effort. Doesn’t have to be too formal, just a black dress. Could short sleeved black dress that’s not too short. Men could wear a thin short sleeved shirt. There are always cool options but jeans/ trainers/ joggers because trendy innit and it’s what everyone wears.

You are projecting your opinions on what wearing a smart pair of trousers means onto people that almost certainly (given their choice of attire) don’t feel the same way. To you it’s disrespectful - I am sure that they didn’t see it that way.

It’s disrespectful and some people just come for the wake afterwards. A friend of mine lost someone young. She said lots of people turned up because they had heard it was a free bar. They claimed to raise a drink to the man but got horribly drunk and had to be escorted out.

I think that tech companies and their style of work wear contributed.

It's best to just focus on them showing up for your dad rather than what they were wearing. No point upsetting yourself over clothes

Sorry??

"An ungrateful little madam" what a horrible, patronising and nasty thing to say to an adult who buried her father just yesterday and who is clearly upset.

What is she supposed to be grateful for exactly? That someone "made the effort" to turn up to an event in a strappy top, a messy bun and dirty joggers? Woo hoo
Thanks a lot 🙄

I'd make more effort on the school run FFS.

Bet they all feasted on the buffet afterwards too, the scummy rotters.

People just don't have any upbringing, any manners these days OP. Focus on your grief and not these disrespectful a-holes. And I'm including some of the people on this thread in that description btw

But time does accommodate, what, two hours a week to attend a funeral, but not an extra 10 to do a quick change in a loo/van/wherever into smart clothes you've brought with you?

YANBU.
I honestly don’t know when grown adults became unable to dress appropriately or respectfully for an occasion, I get that the world changed a lot post Covid, but goodness mske an effort for a funeral .
So sorry for your loss OP.
Take care x

This has been something that's been increasing. I've also seen people in work clothes, that have left work to attend and then have to go back - to me this shows more thought and effort than any attire. When I first saw things change I was a bit surprised, and while I wouldn't do it myself, I now see it as attendance being the most important thing. So many reasons, people may not have an outfit that fits for example so should they not attend?

Be proud that people made the effort to attend and to pay their respects @Wheelchairbarbie, it shows that they care, look after yourself in such a tough time for you and your family 💐

Because time is not infinite?

If they've got the time to go to all these funerals, how come they haven't got the time to change their clothes?

Agreed. People just dont hold themselves to standards anymore.
I was at a wedding the other week and someone there was wearing a ripped denim jacket.
And she and her OH are in good earning jobs, big house, etc so it's not a case of affordability.
I literally wouldn't dream to dare show my face at an occasion like that, not dressed in a way that respects the event. It's bad manners.

Your grief is clouding your view. The important thing is that they showed up, took time out of their busy working lives to show up. To pay their respects. It is not ideal, but it is life as it is today.

Of course it's not just one item, we discussed several.

There's a lot about you and your garment choices and preferences in this post. The explanation of why you think that means other people would have particular items is missing. Your black ballet flats sound like a sweaty horror to me, nor can I wear shoes that flat anyway regardless of weather, but I don't think that tells us anything about how comfortable they are for you.

I'm Irish, living in Ireland and I don't recognise anything you say here. All funerals I've attended, everyone is dressed smartly. It doesn't have to be strictly black but most people are dressed in dark clothing although black is most common.

Well I doubt you’d wear formal shoes with joggers, you’d most likely wear trainers with them so I doubt it’s just one item. I quoted you because you said you’re genuinely confused at how others expect people to own a cotton shirt thin and formal attire thin enough for hot weather, yet they all seems to own trainers/ jeans/ joggers and seem to find them thin enough for hot weather.

Thin trainers make my feet sweat. I’d find it unbearable to wear them in summer. I wear sandals. For a funeral I would wear my black ballet flats which I feel are a much cooler option