To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

YABU. When it was my dad's funeral I was just so touched seeing people turn up to see him off. When I saw faces of people who I hadn't seen for years, and people who had struggled to get there it made me so happy and proud.
I couldn't tell you what they were wearing and I couldn't give a toss, I just remember how I felt seeing them show up for him.
People made the effort to turn up, that says a lot more in my book.

It’s sheep following sheep. Exact same uniform since Covid. Like I said on another post, people are stuck in a time warp since Covid and seem unable to put together a suitable outfit for an occasion. You can defend all you like, but turn up to a funeral in jeans and joggers and people will judge you, as on they are this thread. The op is clearly upset at the lack of respect shown by the jeans and joggers can’t be arsed to make an effort clan shown at her father’s funeral.

People don’t necessarily own the clothes op has stated on this thread. Maybe not, but what’s with making the effort to buy or borrow something. They always seem to own a bloody pair of jeans and joggers lol.

Sorry for your loss op.

I would say obviously people should be turning up in clean clothes and things like joggers are ridiculous.

I would be somewhere in the middle of these scenarios though. I have worn a dress to funerals but no make up, heels, fancy jewellery or hair pieces. You sound like you dressed for a wedding.

The thread is quite long now so maybe I have missed an update from the OP but I’ve not read anything that indicates they are ‘scumbags’? She has only talked about what they wore (again, unless I’ve missed it).

My grandmother's carers attended her funeral. I would not have expected them to change for it, they have enough to do.

I think you can tell they’re “I don’t give a fuck”’ scumbags even if they have some passing affection for the deceased.

I am sorry for your loss op. And I agree with you. Funerals are a time for smart, clean attire. But I’ve been to a couple over the last 2-3 years and noticed that not everyone seems to think so. One particularly memorable outfit was a backless play suit, no coat, in December (she must have been freezing). I also noticed people playing on phones during the service - not children, adults. So disrespectful.

OP I understand. Even if it were a "wear any colours, be comfortable" type of service I'd still not expect to see things like joggers, flipflops, spaghetti straps, mucky clothing, messy hair, etc.

To me a funeral service is to pay your respects to the person who has died, and their loved ones and to me part of showing respect is to dress appropriately. That means being clean, groomed, and in smart (or even smart casual at a push) clothing and footwear.

I’d say I’m middle class… I’ve never been to a funeral where people haven’t made some degree of effort when attending… almost all the time they are properly smart. Maybe I’m upper-middle class after all!

Jeans and joggers in a heatwave? Come on!

According to your idea of what is respectful. My point is (as is evidenced nicely by this thread) people don’t agree on what is necessary or respectful for a funeral; the op has an idea which is presumably different to some of the other guests. Unless the guests were being rude or in other ways disrespectful, I don’t think you can necessarily draw conclusions from their dress about how they feel about the OP’s father.

You gave examples of things you own and like. The part about how that's relevant has been missing from multiple posts now.

It remains the case that people don't necessarily own the clothes the pp said they could wear, and that owning trainers doesn't magic ballet flats or thin formal trousers into your wardrobe too.

And the 'sheep' comment is particularly bemusing because this is a thread about people not wearing what was typically expected. OP was wearing black, the traditional mourning colour, I do hope you wouldn't accuse people in dark coloured, formal clothes of being 'sheep following sheep' because they're observing a common custom.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP. You're right, obviously. But some people are a bit rude, antisocial and clodhoppingly inappropriate weird about this. The other week someone said it was "contemptible" to put a dress code on a wedding invitation.

It does seem everything is more casual these days, but I would expect people to be respectfully covered up and clean. Informal is okay, but not something you'd wear scruffily lounging around the house or to the gym.

(Irish) Catholic funerals are in often less than 2 days after the death of- strictly 2 nights! Not much time to go shopping when you are attending a wake and grieving - even for an internet delivery.

He made everyone feel welcome, regardless of background and he rarely judged anyone. In fact he used to tell me and my mum off if we ever got a bit judgy or gossipy.

I think perhaps he wouldn't have liked you posting like this about the people who came to his funeral, then?

I am very sorry that you are so upset by this but I feel like you’re ignoring all the good reasons that other posters have tried to suggest these people might have for being dressed the way they were. Especially those who looked like they had come from work.
I don’t know these people’s situations, maybe you do but it’s entirely possible that some of them have come directly from their job with no time to change and are going directly back to their job.
Do you truly believe that your dad would have been more bothered by what they’re wearing then the fact they came at all?

“A cardigan or a shawl” in a heatwave?! Come on.

If someone doesn’t see that wearing jogging bottoms to a funeral is inappropriate, they are either:
a) “couldn’t give a fuck” twats who I wouldn’t want at a family funeral or
b) educationally very sub-normal people, who I’d have much more sympathy for because they didn’t know any better.

Which one do you think you are?

You can’t “pay your respects” if you’re not being respectful!

So sorry about your daughter xx

These days the family often issue a dress code, but if not, then I would dress smartly and in dark clothing, if not necessarily black.
That said, one funeral I went to asked for colourful clothes. I would still dress smartly though.
I remember seeing a funeral in a hot (Catholic country). The attendees were all smartly dressed, though often with short sleeve shirts. (ie smart normal long trousers, but with a short sleeve shirt and no jacket, due to it being a hot country.).
However, when a close family member died, I was not bothered about what anyone else wore, just pleased that they came.

I work in the funeral business and it embarrasses me. The thing is we are in quite a middle class area and it's the more middle class who think this is acceptable. The upper middle class and the working class dress appropriately.

My cousin, like me was a working class lad. He died last year at 58. He played rugby as do his 3 sons. There must have been 300 people, mainly working class people, at the funeral. His female relatives wore nice dresses. The men were suited and booted.... everyone dressed well.

Given that funerals aren't for several weeks at least get to a charity shop and buy a pair of trousers.

Agree with this. It’s like people are stuck in a time warp since Covid and are just wearing the same clothes they wore circa 2020/2021 day in day out. The covid pandemic ended 5 years ago.

Agree about dressing elegantly in the heat. If you don’t have black the doesn’t have to be black. A funeral is an occasion, not a day out at the working men’s club.

This is the kind of “not clean” I can live with, if the person has literally left their job to come to a funeral and will be going back to work.

However I find the lack of formality quite disrespectful (and I hate that word 😂), a lot of generally younger women seem to think a funeral is on a par with a Saturday night out in terms of how they dress.

Im enough of an antique now to have an actual ‘funeral dress’, unfortunately I’m at the stage of life where I seem to be going to a LOT of funerals of friends’ parents etc

So sorry for you loss 💐. I think it is how things are sometimes today. I find it disrespectful and I completely agree with everything you wrote. I know easier said than done for your own benefit think about how they came to pay respects and remember your father and the clothes are just clothing.