To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

Maybe, although they're poor and dishevelled, they at least want to pay their respects in person to the deceased. They turned up, in many cases probably as well turned out as they could manage, but they still showed up nevertheless. Don't judge a book by its cover, they used to say....

Reflection on society as a whole these days. Long standing traditional values and standards seem to have been dropped in favour of a very casual approach to everything. I'd expect nothing more from a generation of younger people who seem to spend half their lives in pyjamas.

I'm so sorry you lost your Dad.

Funerals do vary, preferences vary, but are normally expressed if it's something like 'colourful'. I think black is still the norm, some make-up, smartish shoes, nothing over the top. So I would have been surprised by your funeral guests as well.

No. Its not a normal thing. I've never heard of it being expected!!!

No. Unless it’s requested, then turning up as a chavvy slob at funerals is not a good look.

Bad manners.

People have never worn them - in England at least - unless extremely formal occasion, like royalty or similar. A hat would be more appropriate than a fascinator type thing imo, but it takes all sorts

Why else would someone not be clean to attend a funeral?

OP only mentioned paint on clothes further down on her thread. She implied initially some guests were actually dirty.

Our family has had both a funeral and a celebration of life this year. At my cousin's event, the dress code was very much ' come dressed as though you are attending a spring wedding ' the whole event was a true tribute to the deceased and in fact, had been planned by them, down to the disco music they wanted us to dance to!
At my mum's funeral a few weeks later we suggested a certain theme but only if people already had something suitable. We were very clear that the important thing was that people were present, whatever they wore. The service was one with tears, of course, but also lots of laughter as the minister related some of the memories my mum's dgcs had shared with him. And I won't even talk about the flowers! Suffice to say, it was really nice to talk to everyone and share their memories of my mum. I know that what mattered to us, was that people made an effort to attend, regardless of what they chose to wear.

At my work, if I want time off to attend a funeral of anyone other than a close relative (spouse, dcs, parents and siblings, not even in-laws) we have to take it unpaid. I know there are lots of companies who have similar policies, so the fact that people took time out of their day, and possibly lost pay, means far more than what they were wearing.

Once upon a time people would get changed at work before leaving for a funeral. Or pop home to get changed. Or if they were really pushed for time get changed in their car. No excuse really.

I don't really remember what people wore to Dad's funeral, but I remember a lot of people who were there. I don't remember what many people wore to Mum's funeral, but I do remember one of my schoolfriend being there in work uniform, and taking her lunch hour to be at the service. I realised when I was there, I didn't care what people wore to church. I appreciated that enough people cared to be there to pack the church out to say goodbye, and if that meant they could only spare their lunch hour and no time to change, it was okay. They were there. That was what was important.

Not everyone sees a funeral in this way

I have been shocked at this at most funerals I’ve been to. It’s not even like it’s just the young people either. Someone came to my grandpa’s funeral in a scruffy purple mac and red shoes. I’m clearly just v old fashioned (or just respectful!)

Maybe they’ve come straight from work because it’s difficult to get time off?

I agree it’s not appropriate to wear joggers or a paint stained T-shirt to a funeral. It does not take much to put on a clean shirt and a pair of trousers on. Even dark jeans with a tidy top would have been nice

I think you have every right to feel upset and I would say it seems very unusual gor this level of casual. But try not to let it get you down as it must be tough for you without thinking of how they dressed.

It wouldn’t be sad because I know all my friends and family would turn up to my funeral wearing something suitable for a funeral. It’s how I’ve also been brought up, how the rest of my family have been brought up and my friends all have similar tastes to me 😊

I’m sorry for your loss. I have lost both of my parents sadly.
But I honestly couldn’t tell you what a single person wore to either funeral. I think I wore a pink blouse to my mum’s, couldn’t tell you what I wore to my dad’s.
My cousin wore denim dungarees to my grandads funeral years ago and whilst I didn’t think it was terribly appropriate, he’d have just been happy that she turned up.
I wouldn’t attend a funeral in such casual clothes personally (unless it was stated) but I think it matters more that people wanted to pay their last respects.

I'm sorry for your loss. I agree that clothes should at a bare minimum be at least clean. Did you specify any sort of dress code?

I'm sorry for your loss, @Wheelchairbarbie , & the lady who lost her daughter.

To be honest, these days, I'm surprised in a way that people aren't going to funerals in pyjamas & dressing gowns.. I think it's only a matter of time..

I have a book with all my accounts in, solicitors details, etc, for my kids, when I'm gone, & I shall put in there my wishes for my own funeral, specifying sombre smart clothes, in a church, with a vicar, NOT a 'celebrant. It's my day & I'll have what I want.

For my own mum's funeral, it was a hot July day & I wore a smart black dress with long sleeves but a lightweight fabric. It CAN be done respectfully.

Agreed. Farmers wouldn't turn up to any event looking anything but respectable.

How very sad that you value how people are turned out more than the people themselves.

My parents were very old. I couldn’t tell you what anyone wore to their funerals. What I could tell you is that I was beyond moved that the crematorium was full for both of them and everyone who came was so kind. That was all that mattered to me.

I think it’s more important all of me stays cool. Who wants a sweaty fanny!

I’d rather they didn’t turn up to mine if that’s how they want to look 🤣

“why the people following the more longstanding custom of dark, formal clothes aren't.”

Already answered that!

“Interestingly, you've left out the key part of my post addressing temperatures”

No I haven’t. Already answered that! Many times.

“The heatwaves we've been having in the 2020s didn't exist in the same way before covid. It's actually entirely conceivable that most of the population have never been to a formal, sombre event in 31 degree heat.”

And that has to do with funerals in 2026 because….? Yes we did have heatwaves, many of them in the 70s/80s/90s/ 2000s/2010s. It’s rare I’ve known a year where temperatures haven’t got to 30+ degrees. Even so… who the fuck wants to sweat in joggers/ jeans and trainers in that heat. Again the sheep.