To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

When my dad died , his regular painter and decorator turned up at the funeral in his full work overalls , straight from a job . Our whole family were so touched that he made the effort to come . I couldn’t have told you what anyone else was wearing ( and I couldn’t care less ) . If people take time out their busy lives to attend a funeral, what on earth does it matter what they are wearing? They show respect by turning up . That’s the whole point.

She wore Converse to get married in too.Before changing into her wedding Crocs 🤣

I really don’t agree it reflects their feelings about him.
They were there. They ducked out of work to be there or got there after the school run etc

I absolutely get that your expectations are different and that’s fine but I also think you’re focusing on the wrong thing.

Look at all those people that went to pay their respects.

I don’t agree with the ‘celebration’ business, and even if I did, I wouldn’t celebrate someone’s life by turning up dressed like I was all set to lie in the sofa lowering pizza slices into my mouth whilst watching crap on Netflix. Some folk like colour at funerals, and that’s absolutely up to them, but to me a funeral is about mourning and respect and people should be allowed to lean into that, not feel they have to leap about wearing a fuschia co-ord, ‘celebrating’ all over the place, because it’s the new thing. Smart dark clothes and a demeanour that reflects the seriousness of the occasion for me, please. People should be allowed to mourn without feeling they have to go all glittery-jazz-hands about it.

And there is a world of difference between slinging a pink scarf around your neck because the family have asked for colour, and turning up wearing an egg-stained band t-shirt and a pair of old flip flops.

Standards have slipped everywhere. More and more professional people are looking like IT students.
Next well have solicitors wearing gym clothes in court.

Maybe they had to come straight from work and go straight back?
I don’t remember what people wore to a very close family member’s funeral. What I do remember is that they were there.
And I remember that none of my very recent former colleagues were there, despite knowing this person well and benefiting from their experience and presence many times.
And yes, they absolutely could have attended.
Many previous colleagues attended.

I understand that you’re upset. This will fade and in time you’ll remember that they were there.
It’s not always easy for people to attend a funeral.

I am truly sorry for your loss and I’m not having a go. Just trying to offer another perspective.

Standards of dress generally have gone way downhill. I'm appalled at the way people turn up for work, let alone slobbing to Tescos in your jim-jams. Like the OP, I always dress formally for a funeral, I see it as a mark of respect. I have, however, seen people turn up to a close relative's funeral in a T-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts, so trackie bottoms are relatively innocuous.

No, it isn't too much to ask. You are not being unreasonable. I've been to plenty of funerals and never been to one where people looked like they'd made no effort to look smart. These people sound like peasants.

I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

I think that’s fair enough if he popped out of the job for an hour. My Dbro work crew turned up for my mother’s funeral in their site clothes, they nipped off site to pay their respects, they left after the ceremony.
Similar to a work uniform.

Oh yeah, they turned up looking like they’d been scraped off the floor in their Covid clothes they have worn since 2020! I’m sure the deceased person will be so happy knowing they made no effort and looked a complete slob for their send off. More to the point, I’m sure their close relatives also value these people turning up looking like they’ve just been scraped off the floor with a wall paper scraper, dragged to a funeral and sat there looking like they’ve couldn’t be arsed showing the utmost disrespect to their deceased loved one. Well done to them for “turning up” eh! Might as well have stayed at home if they couldn’t be arsed!

I think there are plenty of people who wouldn't dress properly for court either.
It's all me me me. I'll do what I want and what's best for me
It's honestly pathetic.

Nowadays other countries definitely do dress better than us. In the past people in the UK dressed smartly. Now they don’t.

Yes it’s awful. There were loads of this at the last funeral and wedding I went to. Stonewash jeans and sliders at the last funeral, grey tracksuit (on an adult man) with trainers at the wedding.

declining standards, its slovenly.

You are NOT being unreasonable. We had a celebration of life for my parents which was MEANT to be more relaxed than a funeral...even then people wore smart clothes!

My DD wore crocs at her own wedding reception. As did her bridesmaids.

I agree. She's clearly just saying what she wears.
But people are acting like she thinks everyone should be in some version of a Downton abbey funeral and fixating on the fascinator/hairpiece thing like she's trying to have it legislated.

And btw, OP, I've seen plenty of fascinators or headbands at funerals. They look lovely and not out of place at all.

Personally I think that part of showing your respect is to dress respectfully.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Covered shoulders, decent length outfit, hide your toes, the basics.
Next people will be going to a wedding in a pair of crocs. If you wouldn’t wear it to court to face a Judge, you don’t wear it to a funeral.

People turned up. Why is what they wore more important than the fact that they came?

I think its weird doing makeup and wearing heels to a funeral.

Oh don't start with the other countries dress better than us bollocks.

But clean and formal are all the op was asking for so I’m not quite sure why you’re so indignant!

In other countries, such as Spain, Italy and France, people still take a pride in their appearance and try to look “smart” even if they are on a low income. People in the UK just don’t seem to care what other people think any more. No doubt they’d say that’s a good thing, forgetting that in some circumstances such as funerals and weddings their selfish approach to life upsets other people, such as the grieving family or the bridal party.
I just don’t see any value in going around looking like a slob.

Where did she say she policed them? And as For black being morbid, it was a funeral fgs!

Wearing a bright colour is a new thing for done people and Id say only if it’s been stipulated beforehand.

turning up in scruffy, dirty, revealing clothes is not on for a funeral, regardless of their colour anyway.

@Wheelchairbarbie I’m very sorry for your loss. YANBU.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. I lost my dad suddenly too and most people were dressed smartly. But I remember the guy who my dad took his car to for decades, in his overalls with oil and car dust on them! I would not have been surprised if he had a wheel jack in his pocket. This made me smile a little because my dad would have liked it. But overall it’s upsetting.

I've never been to a funeral where anyone gave a toss what anyone was wearing. And that includes my mum and dads funeral.

I must move in very different circles to Mumsnet.