To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

But surely funerals are one of the few times where what YOU (as in an attendee) want is put on the backburner and you do whatever helps the mourner, even if you personally dont agree with it or see the necessity?

If dressing smartly doesnt matter to you then by all means tell people at the funeral of your loved ones to wear whatever. But if it clearly does matter to enough other people then surely you err on the side of caution even if wearing loose trousers rather than joggers makes you personally 1% less comfortable.

Im honestly amazed that so many people are justifying this. If OP was complaining that people weren't in full on suits and black dresses that would be one thing but "clean and vaguely appropriate clothes" is surely just a bog standard level expectation of normal adult daily wear if you are leaving the house, let alone going to a funeral!

I'm so sorry your dad has passed OP.

I agree that looking clean and modest is the minimum dress code for a funeral.

It sounds like a lot of people joined you for his funeral, and he sounds like a very kind man. I've never seen anyone in dirty joggers or short/ tight dresses at a funeral before either. Were they his friends? I don't think anyone would purposely not make an effort for your dad if they made the effort to attend.

Sending you lots of strength and love

I don’t think some of the posters on this thread see much of other peiole. Which, given the unpleasantness of some of their comments, is hardly surprising.

Oh yes getting changed in your car is so easy, I don’t know why more people don’t do it 🙄

Sorry for your loss.
I think unless a dress code is specified people turn up in whatever. I always dress properly but have seen people dressed as a jumble sale. Maybe the heat put them off of dressing properly.
Try to be glad people cared and showed up rather than view it as a lack of respect 🙏

Oh come on you're absolutely stretching here. How long does it take you (or most adults without a disability) to do a basic change?
Do you require the assistance of three ladies maids to fit your corset or something?
I can take off a dirty t shirt and leggings and replace it with a summer dress in about 20 seconds, in a car if needed.

In an ideal world, of course, it would be respectful if people took the time to dress appropriately and soberly for a funeral. However, I think it's more important that someone has made the time to attend and pay their respects.

OP, am so very sorry for your loss.

Edited for typo

I agree about the standards- clean, tidy, not too uncovered is the norm- and im so sorry for your loss.

I’d leave the thread OP. It’s not going to help you or make you feel any better.

The funeral is done. You can’t turn back time and apply a strict dress code.

Concentrate on getting through the grief day by day and not arguing online with anonymous strangers. Take care.

@Wheelchairbarbie are you on your own? If you’re in the uk, why don’t you try to get some sleep. You’ve had a rotten thing happen to you. I don’t think this thread is going to make you feel any better. Take care xxx

There's probably a good reason so many people don't remember what anyone wore at their parents' funerals. If everyone turns up in what people normally wear at funerals then it goes unnoticed. It's only the joggers etc that would stick in the memory.

Newsflash - bereavement is deeply unpleasant.

Grief counselling is readily available

DD messaged me recently about funeral attire for baby DGC! I suggested plain white and as it was so hot baby ended up in a white bodysuit - hopefully no one was offended!
DD borrowed a black linen short sleeve dress of mine at 35 degrees was best we could think of
At my DF funeral I didn’t even notice or care what anyone wore - I was just blown away by the number of people who turned up! Including the local pharmacist and everyone from his rehab team (physio, OT, SALT etc)

If the op didn’t say it why would they need an excuse - this is a discussion - there are many replies, maybe you’ve read them, the replies on the side of the Op are deeply unpleasant - I’m assuming they are grieving - otherwise what excuse do they have?

I’m so sorry, that must have been very difficult.

I do get this, but the OP came asking for opinions and people have shared perspectives on why it does or doesn’t matter to them, and why it might not automatically be a sign of disrespect.
Of course she’s entitled to be disappointed because it wasn’t what she expected, or to read those opinions and decide it hasn’t helped her feel any better, or realise what she needs is a vent and handhold.

Surely the important thing is that they showed up?

@Wheelchairbarbie , I’m very sorry for your loss. I would always be very smart at a funeral too and somber unless otherwise directed.
I was sorry at both my parents funeral’s about the people who I thought valued them but who didn’t come to pay their respects, that hurt. Try to be glad that people made the effort to come and celebrate your dad’s life with you. Not for them but for you, you have enough to cope with now without getting upset about little details.

I’ve only read your responses OP, but it’s wild to me that you’re getting any stick for this. Classic MN, “cool wife” attitude but apparently now for funerals?! You’re obviously in the right, IMO, and those guests should feel embarrassed by their choices.

However, as someone who lost their father last year and is your age as well, try not to let it cloud your thoughts and memories of your lovely dad at this very difficult time. My condolences.

Sou da lije one of my relatives funeral. She was always well turned out. Her coffin was brought in on a trolley with her grandkids (all adults) alongside pushing it. One girls skirt was so short could see her knickers and the top so low her boob's were falling out, one chap had jeans and a slashed t shirt *diagonal holes across front, another in ripped jeans and white t shirt with lots of gold chains. Another relative turned up in grey joggers with sequins down the side of the legs and a grey sweatshirt with zebra print across the front! I wore a nay dress and shoes and my brother black trousers white shirt black tie. I've been to funerals where they ask you to wear bright happy colours to celebrate the life but joggers and sexy short stuff is not appropriate. I think its a lack of respect to the family of the deceased not to at least wear something smart/tidy/more formal definitely not flip flops!!

A very thoughtful post, especially the middle 2 paragraphs MistressoftheDarkSide

@CitronellaCandles I've reported your vicious, cruel post and I hope MNHQ get to it before OP sees it. I also hope they ban you altogether - you don't belong here. Shame on you.

Smart jeans at a funeral is fine, paired with a smart top or jacket. Times and approaches change. Tracksuit bottoms and flip flops not so much.
Work clothes is a tricky one, at FIL’s funeral earlier in the year some people came to support family members and they were in their work clothes.