To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

I’ve done it loads of times. You can either be arsed or you can’t!

maybe they don’t dress up? what’s so wrong with that? jury duty is a long day where you have to be paying attention to what’s happening, being comfortable so you can concentrate is much more important than dressing up.

I have absolutely no idea what anyone wore to my parents funerals. The fact people cared enough to come is all that mattered to me. I’d much rather people came in joggers than felt like they couldn’t because they don’t have smart clothing to wear.

My sympathies for your loss.

But wearing everyday clothes doesn't necessarily mean a lack of respect for the departed, who might perhaps have been more accepting of ordinary working people than you appear to be.

And perhaps more respectful of their good intentions, and less inclined to "feel superior" on the basis of shallow appearance.

Thank you. my loved one was very sociable and popular in their younger days until dementia kicked in. Friends soon disappeared, many now also passed away.
Remaining Friends are already coming up with excuses not to come which im not surprised about tbh as none of them have visited in years anyway.
its sad how older people particularly those with dementia become unimportant and forgotten about to those who they once had great times with and made great memories with.

I went to a funeral of a 33 year old women and one of my friend’s husbands wore jeans and dirty trainers. I was disgusted. He absolutely has dress trousers and smart shoes because he wears them to rugby events. But for this he looked like he was going out shopping for the day.

not ok. And I am sorry for yous loss

So sorry for your loss. I hope the day goes as well as it can for you .

sorry for your loss op. I have also just lost a parent and are due to have the funeral soon and im more concerned about whether people will actually bother to turn up to the funeral. Parent was very traditional and it will be a black dress code but in all honesty I couldn't care less about what people are wearing just as long as they turn up.
it will be so sad if only immediate family show up as there isn't many of us.

I came on to write about a funeral I attended recently where several men turned up in their work clothes. They had obviously come away from their work in the middle of the day and were probably contractors on an hourly or day rate or self-employed. So they actually gave up some pay to come and pay their respects, which at the time I thought was a great tribute and showed how much they had liked the man we were saying farewell to.

Not RTFT and only the OP's responses.

I imagine the men in dirty work clothes had come straight out of work and would be going back immediately after the service.

When my father died, retired for years from the bus company, an employee came along, in uniform, and stood on the pavement as the coffin left. He had his work bag with him so imagine he too was going straight back to work. No disrespect at ll.

The rest of the casual wear? Slack beyond belief.

Honestly I sometimes think that school has a lot to do with this lack of respect and casual clothes. I think schools are one of the last places where semi formal attire is compulsory. I was at a graduation today and honestly I found some of the students casual clothes jarring. Dirty runners, one guy was wearing an old rugby shirt, I know people say let them wear what they want but personally I have just in me a kind of standard where it’s respectful to wear formal clothes for formal occasions?

Funerals are for the living, not the dead.
Sorry for for the loss of your father, but if there was a way to communicate with him after his death, would he really be moaning about the lack of suits, heels and hair pieces at his funeral?
I bet he would be more concerned with what people were saying about him, not what they were wearing.

OP clarified she meant a fascinator, or hair band ect.

I noticed the same while serving jury duty. If people can’t dress appropriately for funerals/weddings/court, what do they dress up for?

I'm 59, an educated fairly middle class professional who wears a smart black dress, court shoes, tights and jacket to funerals and have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. A hairpiece?? As in a toupè?? I'm wondering if you mean a fascinator and have just used the wrong word? I sympathise about people attending in paint splattered work clothes, but you sound unhinged expecting anyone to wear a wig.

Still mulling this one over, what if this thread was titled: 'to be upset at how many people turned upto my Dad's funeral'

Agreed

Not excusing dirty clothes, just saying that the suggestion that people should just get changed in a car is pretty ridiculous.

Thank you

It is easy! Why wouldnt it be? Im starting to wonder if Ive spent my entire life getting changed wrong given the way people are reacting on here seems to suggest it needs half an hour and 5 people to assist! What on earth are you all doing?

If you bothered to read I did specify"if needed" because most people do have other options and that would be a last resort in the desperately scraping scenarios people are apparently envisioning where someone has been allowed to take three hours off work to travel to, attend, and travel back to a funeral but not a minute extra to pop to a toilet or wherever to change their top beforehand.

Can't believe the levels people are scrabbling to to justify not being able to take dirty top off and replace it with clean one! Or even just put a shirt on OVER the dirty one - no car or privacy needed at all for that! How do you manage daily life if something so basic is an insurmountable chore?

I agree. Unless you are invited to dress colourfully or casually, minimum effort is having a wash and wearing clean clothes in dark colours like black, navy or charcoal (or white with black accessories if it’s particularly warm.) Any ceremony likely to have a religious element to it (like funerals) requires shoulders and thighs to be fully covered. So nothing short and no vest tops. The weather is no excuse. People in living in hot countries still manage to look smart.

I’m not sure poverty is much of an excuse either- all adults should own a plain top/shirt, smart dark trousers/skirt, clean underwear and a smart pair of shoes. There are places to buy these items cheaply but if you reach out to your church, family or friends, people can be quite generous in donating clothes, especially ‘interview clothes.’

Children under the age of 12 are the only ones who are traditionally not expected to wear black. However, they should still be respectful in ‘their Sunday best’ so clean and in muted colours and formal styles. Even babies should be in the nicest daytime outfit they own.

I agree it’s really annoying that despite us all being a lot more relaxed about dresscode lots of people still push below acceptable standards.

@Wheelchairbarbie do you mind me asking which denomination you are, and are you in England?
I'm Irish & on the same page as the other Irish posters on this thread. I'm from a small town & had a Catholic upbringing. Weekly mass and funeral masses were/are a casual affair. There was one small CoI church in my home town and I found it very strange as a child that its attendees dressed quite formally for weekly service.
Were the attendees of your father's funeral from a variety of religious/cultural backgrounds?

The important fact that s that people turned up. Not everyone has funeral
clothes or the money to buy them. Why place so much importance on what people wore? They gave up their time to come and support you. Be grateful.

No you’re wrong , a celebration of life is called a christening ! , not a shitty funeral where you have to say goodbye to someone you love .

Whilst I don’t feel everyone should dress up & in black , you do go clean though , & most definitely don’t wear a dress up your ass with a strappy top ..

Kind of torn on this, they turned up to pay their respects. When we buried our stillborn, DPs nephews (about 25 at the time) turned up wearing decorators overalls covered in paint etc. as they could only get so much time off work. There were several mutterings at how disrespectful it was etc. But they came and in the end that's all that mattered to me. How would you feel if the attendees you are talking about didn't come? X I'm so sorry for your loss OP, be kind to yourself xx