To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

or to look at it from the other POV it cools be seen as really quite selfish to impose your own bias about what is considered ‘appropriate’ clothing in any given circumstance. sensory issues like I have, lack of money to buy more clothing, lack of opportunity to change if coming from work etc are all reasons why people might not be dressed to your standards. all the talk about ‘standards’ and what’s ‘appropriate’ are just cultural norms imposed by society and no actual reason for what is disrespectful about some clothing.

Ohh. It’s because you said when you did jury duty you noticed it, i thought you meant the other jurors. The defendant is a bit different. For me i do equate formal clothing with being uncomfortable, I have autism and a lot of my sensory issues are around clothing that feels restrictive or tight so I’m willing to concede that i might be an outlier in this particular
area.

Celebration != party

Funeral rites are also a celebration of the life, remembrances and consolation. Pretty much every funeral I’ve attended or organised (included very formal requiems) has included those words “celebrate the life of”.

That is the purpose of the eulogies, the vigil period and the committal. Celebrate and remember the life, console the bereaved, pray for the dead (if religious) and say goodbye together. The celebration and the consolation and the formal grieving are part and parcel of the same thing.

My husband died died fairly young (69). He was always up for a joke and a laugh. His funeral wasn't sombre or gloomy - it was a true celebration of his life. Everyone who attended said what a fabulous occasion it was, and a true reflection of his life. Tears were for before and after - not on that day. Black clothes and hats would have been totally out of place.

A lowering in standards like everything else. I agree with you, to go to a funeral smart isn't alot to ask. Don't know if anyone can remember, but the household where the deceased lived, would close their blinds curtains, when the person had died, and they would be opened again when the family returned from the funeral. A mark of respect.

If the attitude is that the deceased isn’t present so it doesn’t matter, then what’s the point of funerals at all (they won’t know who turned up)! Funerals are about ultimately for benefit of the living, not the dead.

Each to their own, and if people want to celebrate it’s up to them, but it’s normal and healthy to mourn and be sad. Personally I think “forcing” people to treat a funeral as a happy event is trying to avoid the natural process of grieving.

It’s a mark of respect surely to dress smartly for a funeral unless instructed otherwise. I know of funerals where people were asked to wear football tops for example.
Standards are slipping everywhere. I remember when most houses had a mirror by the front door with a clothes brush hanging next to it so people could check their presentation before they left the home. My grandad would not dream of going to church without collar and tie. You wonder sometimes if people have actually had a wash because they look like they are wearing the clothes they slept in.

YANBU

People have no idea how to dress for occasions now. We have lost all sense of style and propriety.

It's not just funerals. My manager was interviewing for a position last month and so many candidates turned up in the most causal clothing. Absolutely zero effort to look smart.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

What’s all this about “dressing up” for a funeral? You don’t need to be dressed up, just wear something respectable and classy and look like you’ve made the effort to get a wash in the morning and had a change of clothes out of what you wore to clean your toilet in. Since when was turning up to a funeral in anything other than joggers/ jeans/ trainers classed as being dressed up? Or have standards gone down hill so much now? It’s like people cannot be arsed to make the effort anymore.

Sorry for your loss op and agree with you 💐

I was speaking of the defendant! 😂

And “dressing up” for certain events in life doesn’t necessarily equal uncomfortable. It means dressing appropriately and respectfully in clean, unripped clothing.

I absolutely agree with you, and I’m so sorry for your loss. Try not to focus on it though, remember your dad and be glad there was a good turnout. Things have changed I think re what people do at funerals.

Unless there’s been an explicit communication from the family, as there was at the last funeral I went to, ‘come as you are, he wouldn’t have cared, and we don’t mind how you dress’. He was an old docker who hadn’t worn a suit in his life apart from court (long story). And they didn’t want to remember that.

I’ve always dressed soberly, not necessarily black, at a funeral. But I’ve been a bit well shocked, at how casually others have dressed. I don’t think everyone should wear black, but respectfully dressed isn’t hard.

Cancel the cheque

Totally agree. I’m not sure what it is about this “comfort” era we seem to be going through but it seems extremely selfish that they have to make an important occasion all about themselves and THEIR comfort to the point people are happy to rock up to such occasions looking like they have worn yesterday’s clothes that they did the gardening in. Once upon a time people used to make an effort, even if it meant going through a slight bit of discomfort by getting changed in their car/ public toilets or whatever.

It is easy.

But so what if it isn't? Do it anyway because it's the right thing to do and not everything is about you and your comfort.

I attend many funerals with work and see people wearing (in my opinion) disrespectful clothes but crocs are the ultimate no no for me. I was at a service last week and one of the mourners had crocs on, I’m still appalled.

The U.K. is not ‘doomy or gloomy’ what a childish, moronic description!

We are enjoying the best summer ever, of brilliant sport, tennis, football success and summer fun with wall to wall sunshine for months! There is nowhere more beautiful than the bucolic fiields and tremendous good feeling in peak summer here, thanks all the same.

Funerals where I live (not the hide bound, doomy gloomy UK) are very much seen as celebrations of life and are often full of laughter. People don't generally wear black here, some people get dressed up, some don't. Most people don't care.

Thank goodness I don't live in the UK where people are apparently watching like hawks to make sure you are dressed in what they deem as appropriate. It really says something about a person when they are more concerned about what someone wears than the fact that they took the time to attend.

Haha honestly I can’t believe the amount of people coming on here to defend lazy ass people dressing like slobs for a funeral.

Couldn’t afford to dress properly? Yet they can walk about in trainers that probably cost over £100. They can afford that!

And substance abuse? Who wants a bunch of druggies at their dad’s funeral! Jesus wept.
Love the stereotype of labelling them druggies though, the very people they run on here to defend they also then end up insulting! Obviously shows what these people must really think of the joggers and trainers gang 🤣

Perhaps the heat has affected the ability of many people to wear their normal funeral suit without fainting.

I live in a hot country and a funeral in Summer would be attended by men in suits and ties.

However, it is unseasonally hot there so people could be just doing their best.

Yes, of course. A bunch of drug addicts her dad used to know turned up. 🙄

Don't presume to speak for 'most people', please. You're wrong about this (as evidenced by the poll on this thread, as it currently stands) - plenty of people still think it's important to dress a bit more smartly for a funeral, and that, yes, being dressed more smartly conveys respect. It's not 'unusually formal' to think/behave in that way at all.

It's called having standards. And reasonably smart clothes don't need to be uncomfortable. Covid really has done a number on society if any outfit that doesn't consist of jeans or sweatpants is now considered 'dressing up'.

Like you with your vile post earlier? You are about the most vile person on this thread with what you wrote about the op! A grieving daughter of a man who has recently passed away! Don’t you dare talk about me being unpleasant after your disgusting comments on here! You have absolutely no shame! Disgusting