To be upset at how many people turned up to my dad's funeral in casual clothes?

Try turning up to wedding in tracksuit bottoms and sliders and remind the bride and groom they should just be grateful you have attended. You could try the same at christenings, and golden wedding anniversary parties too. Give it a go at your next job interview see how grateful they are that you attended in a dirty t-shirt, or the next time you meet a client, don’t worry about showering or getting out of your pyjamas.

Let me know how it goes. 😆

Some of us have different opinions. I can't get my head around it being more disrespectful than to not turn up at all.

It's not easy for everyone to attend funerals due to work and family commitments. The fact these people made the effort to make the time, in my opinion, is not the bare minimum.

Attacking and insulting the newly bereaved must matter very much to you. Very interesting that you've only just attended a funeral yourself and you were so far above caring what anyone wore, but you cared enough about it being discussed in this thread to come in and take a swing at a grieving daughter.

Peachy love indeed.

I'm sorry to hear you are recently bereaved too, but it doesn't mean you get to say what should or shouldn't matter to other people.

You don’t realise how entitled that argument sounds and you’re not the only one making this argument so it’s not aimed just at you.

People making this argument are saying how dare anyone question what I’m wearing you should be grateful I graced you with my presence….

Unless you are Madonna, get in the bin.

Turning up is bare minimum. Are we really a society where we are expected to be grateful for people just doing the bare minimum?

TBH I consider turning up looking shabby to be more disrespectful than not turning up at all.

Sorry for your loss. All the more surprising you would post those words. Did you not realise this was the OP?

For what it’s worth, I’m also in the it’s who came camp, but there’s no need to make such personal comments.

Do you normally make a habit of speaking to recently bereaved people like this? If so, I'd say it might be better for you not to turn up at funerals at all. If OP is 'uptight, superficial and judgemental' and an 'ungrateful little madam' then so are quite a lot of us on this thread, as you'll see if you bother to read a few replies/look at the poll results. Can't believe how nasty you are being to someone who is already struggling. Shame on you.

Hey come on. This lady has just lost her dad. Don’t be mean.

How so?

If nothing else, borrow something. It doesn't need to fit perfectly or look amazing. The number of people who cannot possibly in any way source a plain, dark, suitable top and skirt/trousers in time for a funeral is near enough to zero as makes no difference.

lol what a sheltered life you’ve lived 😁

Yes obviously unless the relatives of the deceased request that everyone turns up to the funeral in more casual/ relaxed attire then I would always assume that I needed to dress either in black or something dark / classy/ smart.

All this bullshit that they might not be able to “afford” to buy anything for a funeral when they rock up wearing the latest Nike trainers that cost well above £100 makes me laugh. There are such things like you say, as vinted, primark, even charity shops.

I don't think men should wear jogging bottoms in public.

The last funeral I went to we were all asked to wear something relating to his favorite football team.

Yes, it's ridiculous. Clothing changes our mood and the tone of an event, we all know this, in fact the people wanging on about how they should wear anything they like for any occasion know this best of all.

Sometimes the deceased or the family request a break from the usual etiquette because they would prefer people to wear the deceased's favourite colour or something like that. That's obviously absolutely fine, and it's funny that so many people would be happily all over that when it happens, but suddenly take such offence when there isn't such an exception and a different, default dress code applies instead. Makes no sense. People are more likely to have black basics in their wardrobes already than a specific colour.

Not buying the poverty argument either. Nowadays you can get a simple dark top/shirt and skirt/trousers from Vinted and get change from a tenner.

Surely there’s a middle ground?

Undeniably, it is very usual to dress reasonably smartly for a funeral. Equally, it’s possible to focus on who was there rather than what they wore.

Yup! I’m not buying this shit that it’s “selfish to impose your own bias”. Dress codes have been around for generations. People have always managed to dress appropriately before this slob culture came about.

or to look at it from the other POV it cools be seen as really quite selfish to impose your own bias about what is considered ‘appropriate’ clothing in any given circumstance.

This is actually why etiquette and dress codes exist; so that people know what's appropriate and what to do and wear. And so that the newly bereaved don't have to put up with asinine accusations of being "selfish" and "imposing" and "biased" while they're grieving because they'd like people to dress for the funeral like it's a funeral - the marking of a death and not a trip to Tesco, as OP says.

Oh come off it! It’s always been the norm to wear black for funerals for generations!

Lack of money to buy new clothing but can afford the latest Nike trainers 🤣

My kids are SEN and have sensory issues. I let them try clothing on themselves before buying. Can always find something other than joggers and bloody jeans for a special event that they are happy with!

All the talk about ‘standards’ eh? Well it’s been that way for many, many years. People have always managed to put together a sensible outfit right up until Covid. How did they manage before that? Yet it’s always the same people who seem to have some how lost their way during Covid, are completely stuck in a time warp circa 2020 where they started to wear joggers everywhere because it’s “comfy” who think they’re entitled to wear this shit at important events because the huge majority of them are selfish! End of!

I think you show your respect by your presence not some performative clothing.

I didn’t think she did. I assume she meant a fascinator type thing - which I would think odd at the very great majority of funerals. I would always wear at the least dark colours (easy for me as my job requires v conservative office wear so I can always cobble something sober together) but it takes all sorts - which was rather my point. I think it is better to attend in whatever than not attend though.

Oh have a day off, wearing a casual outfit to a funeral is nowhere near the same as having sex in a toilet 😂