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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to withdraw my offer of accommodation after she cancelled dogsitting?

161 replies

Dogshitter · 14/07/2026 14:17

A good friend of mine recently got in touch asking if she could stay with me for a few weeks during August. She has been travelling and can’t move back in to her house until her current tenants have left. As it happens, I needed to find a Dogsitter for one of the weeks when I’m away working. This seemed like the perfect arrangement and I would have been happy to accommodate her as it suited us both. I cancelled my paid booking with my regular dog sitter and informed said friend.

She messaged me late last night saying she’d accidentally double booked and agreed to do a house/dogsit (trusted house sitters or something) during the week I needed her to dogsit. It’s in a location close to an elderly relative of hers so she can spend some quality time there too. She was hugely apologetic but resolute that she couldn’t cancel the other dogsit in favour of helping me.

This has been arranged for almost a month, and I’m now in the situation of having to find paid dogsitting over the bank holiday weekend. It’s not just about the money; my dog is really nervous and not the best fit for many dogsitting situations.

I feel like telling her that she can’t stay for the remaining weeks now that the situation no longer works for me. We agreed this prior to her taking the other booking, and it’s left me in the shit.

WIBU to refuse to let her stay now?

OP posts:
Livpool · 15/07/2026 16:16

I wouldn’t let her stay, she is a pain. Has she even apologised for all the messing about?

outerspacepotato · 15/07/2026 15:15

She got the month wrong now?

😂

Yeah, she'd be finding her own accomodation for whichever month she picks.

I did let a friend stay while work was being done on her home. I barely saw her because she worked opposite shifts and I wasn't home that much but she used to clean and leave things like extra groceries and things she knew I liked and she bought me a gorgeous rebozo when she moved out. I barely knew she was there.

drachh · 15/07/2026 15:12

Given you say you have boundary issues anyway, and you've been so nice to her so far, I think you should say no to Sept. Not everything has to be a power game it's true, but there are limits, and when someone says "jump" you shouldn't just ask how high.

Ruffledduck1 · 15/07/2026 15:07

I've been used in the past. I've got a harder shell now.
Forgiveness is a luxury some people don't deserve.

Ruffledduck1 · 15/07/2026 15:04

Just read all your messages, OP.
Still no forgiveness here. I'd still drop her like a hot stone.

Ruffledduck1 · 15/07/2026 14:58

I genuinely would tell her to do one.
She was just using you,until it meant some effort on her part.
Despicable.

Therealjudgejudy · 15/07/2026 11:39

How long does she need housing for?

RedRock41 · 15/07/2026 11:30

Dogshitter · 15/07/2026 08:36

@RedRock41 Turns out she also got the dates she thought she was staying wrong and she needs somewhere to stay during September. I haven’t offered yet saying I need to look at my schedule. It’s true; I’m so snowed under right now that I don’t want to offer something I might later regret. I do wonder if she might have been drinking the night we were messaging to arrange the August stay and had just got it in her head that the whole thing plus dogsitting was in September. But I’ve double checked all the messages and she’s confirmed the correct dates back to me. I really don’t know, but I won’t rely on her for something so important again in the future. No bad bones, she’s still a dear friend (albeit a flaky one).

You sound like a good person OP and an understanding friend. Just sorry you’ve been let down. Good plan not to commit to September just yet. Friendship does need to be two ways. Good luck!

DJPJ · 15/07/2026 09:22

Im just here for your user name @Dogshitter

Shinyandnew1 · 15/07/2026 08:58

What a flaky friend. I would respond, ‘September isn’t going to work for me for house guests though-shame the August plan didn’t work out. Let’s meet up for dinner though when you’re back x’

CrimsonWarning · 15/07/2026 08:57

If she got all the dates wrong, then is she now going to have to cancel on the elderly relative?

Aslana · 15/07/2026 08:51

If drinking to that extent not wise to leave your dog with her anyway. Good friend or not i would pass on this one for September or anytime!

Original poster
Dogshitter · 15/07/2026 08:41

@hattie43 I agree. All she had to do was look at our messages, which is what I expect she did right before she messaged me with “oh shit, I’ve fucked up etc.”

It’s what I would have done if I’d accidentally forgotten to put something in my diary. Flaky as hell though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogshitter · 15/07/2026 08:36

@RedRock41 Turns out she also got the dates she thought she was staying wrong and she needs somewhere to stay during September. I haven’t offered yet saying I need to look at my schedule. It’s true; I’m so snowed under right now that I don’t want to offer something I might later regret. I do wonder if she might have been drinking the night we were messaging to arrange the August stay and had just got it in her head that the whole thing plus dogsitting was in September. But I’ve double checked all the messages and she’s confirmed the correct dates back to me. I really don’t know, but I won’t rely on her for something so important again in the future. No bad bones, she’s still a dear friend (albeit a flaky one).

OP posts:
Aslana · 15/07/2026 07:48

Not sure you can make any commitment to your friend until you have made arrangements for your dog. As you have said making arrangements over a bank holiday is difficult and likely more expensive. You might let her know that unfortunately you won't be able to let her know about staying until you have organised this. How good a friend is she? I must say her 'double booking' sounds a bit too convenient, for her.

swapsicles · 15/07/2026 07:21

I'd be also worried that she's staying at yours until her tenants have left, this could take months if they decide not to leave for whatever reason and then your stuck with her for an even longer time!

hattie43 · 15/07/2026 05:55

How can she forget her other arrangements like that , does she not have a diary or memory. I’d be really fed up with that . I’d just say no to her staying now because you’ve arranged another sitter for your dog who also wants to stay longer . I hate flakey people , especially around dog care because one of my dogs is anxious and I can’t just send him any old place .

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 14/07/2026 23:25

You're a really good friend. I imagine I would have yelled at her, but in reality cried and been conflicted like you

I'd hope she would give you some money towards paying for your dog sitter you now need from the money she's receiving..

RedRock41 · 14/07/2026 23:14

Dogshitter · 14/07/2026 22:28

Because I often need to thrash things out before I decide what to do and how I really feel. I have boundary issues and always second guess if my initial reactions are the correct ones. I think it’s part of being (or trying to be) a good person. I had a sleepless night worrying about this after a really stressful sleep deprived working weekend. My hormones are all over the place and I sometimes need mass opinions to land in a more rational place. I’m grateful to be able to do this anonymously rather than leaving a trail of destruction in my personal life. AIBU is a really useful tool to help me gauge!

Show quote history

Ok but aside from angst, you’re the one who will have to deal with the real life fall out? So online strangers can only do so much. If being a good person is key, then you will let them stay this time but know the next surely?

Original poster
Dogshitter · 14/07/2026 22:28

RedRock41 · 14/07/2026 22:17

OP why ask at all if you’re already decided it’s a mistake. Not her fault and you’ll take it on the chin!?

Because I often need to thrash things out before I decide what to do and how I really feel. I have boundary issues and always second guess if my initial reactions are the correct ones. I think it’s part of being (or trying to be) a good person. I had a sleepless night worrying about this after a really stressful sleep deprived working weekend. My hormones are all over the place and I sometimes need mass opinions to land in a more rational place. I’m grateful to be able to do this anonymously rather than leaving a trail of destruction in my personal life. AIBU is a really useful tool to help me gauge!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogshitter · 14/07/2026 22:23

@Datafan55 thank you, I agree. I know everyone piling on is a way of them showing support for my OP but you’re correct; people sometimes make mistakes, and in long term friendships it’s bound to happen at some point. I’d be a very lonely person if my friends had cut me off every time I screwed up

OP posts:
RedRock41 · 14/07/2026 22:17

OP why ask at all if you’re already decided it’s a mistake. Not her fault and you’ll take it on the chin!?

BeKhakiReader · 14/07/2026 21:09

In my book, the first thing you commit to is what you do, barring extreme circumstances like a funeral or job interview. The friend should have cancelled the second booking.

BlackRowan · 14/07/2026 20:18

It depends if she’s a friend or an employee of sorts. If she’s a friend a bit odd if you would only allow her to stay if she does something for you, that’s too much of a give and take for me for friendship

Cherrysoup · 14/07/2026 20:04

Staying for a few weeks? I’d be in jail for murder! I can manage maybe 2, max 3 nights having guests. You’re a far nicer person than me.

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