Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

I think you have mis read my post. I haven't said anything about anyone man or woman being a paedophile! I stated that the responses, quite rightly, would be different had it been a man instead of a woman 'touching' the OPs child. Women are less likely to be suspected of being a pedophile for obvious reasons backed up by statistics.

OP, why don't you try chatting to this woman and get to know her a bit? She's probably completely harmless. When I was a toddler we lived next door to an old widowed lady who would chat to me and give me sweeties over the fence (I have no memory of this, but it's what my parents have told me). I came to no harm and my parents didn't mind at all. Granted, this was the late 80s so probably different attitudes, but really, where is the harm in a woman you see every so often saying hello to your son and holding his hand?

Absolutely. This is what living in society should be.

It’s clearly making you uncomfortable so walk a different way and avoid her? Hopefully if the lady is lonely there will be other people she can talk to. It doesn’t have to be you if it’s making you anxious

OP, it doesn't matter what other people think on here. YOU are uncomfortable with it and don't want people touching your child, innocently or not. If it was an elderly man would people feel the same? I'm sure it is very innocent but that isn't the point.

We musn't let other people cross a boundary with us and our children for the sake of social politeness. It isn't your job to manage her feelings.

Nothing wrong with her saying hello but there is no need to touch.

Dementia and/or social isolation. FFS.

It is absolutely your preogative to feel this way. You can set the boundaries for you child and who interacts and touches them.

However you asked this question in AIBU - you are told that you are being unreasonable. This is something you don't want to hear this or entertain.

Sometimes I actually don't know why ppl use AIBU, as most of the time they just use it to justify their actions and when there feelings actions are not validated by others they throw the toys out of the pram. If I was sure I was right I would have courage in my convictions and would not need the internet to validate me.

The hat removal was a bit much and an invasion of personal space but I'd guess she's just from a different generation and thinks your child looks adorable and has different social norms.

It's OK for you to say please don't touch him but I don't think you need to be concerned about anything. What are you concerned about?

Some of my favorite memories of baby/toddler years was the interactions with strangers and how their eyes light up seeing a baby.

One time I was waiting for a hospital appointment with my DS who was about one ish. I had him in my lap and was trying to feed him some baby food. An older lady was smiling at him and noticed I was struggling a bit. She took my DS in her lap while I fed him his baby food. It was beautiful and I was so grateful for the help.

Approximately only 1.4 per cent of people in the UK have dementia, yet it's automatically the go-to explanation on MN for anyone over 60 apparently transgressing for any reason the OP doesn't like

Haha my elderly family did this with my babies. It was actually with a coin and notes though ( inflation you know 🤣) . Miss them all x

Ooh yes, an woman on my road did that here too when I had my dd. It's supposed to bring good luck, health and prosperity to the new baby. Thought it was very sweet. My dd got load of attention when she was a newborn as I walked a lot trying her get her sleep. You'd get familar with the same faces, particularly in the older community who lived on my route. I enjoyed the little chats as maternity leave can be lonely. Without going into detail I had every reason to have severe health anxiety due to a tragic experience in my previous pregnancy but strangely it gave me perspective too about whats ott and not.

That's lovely. It seems she helps a lot of her neighbours feel connected.

I can totally understand not wanting someone touching your child, I 100% respect that I wouldn’t like it either. But I would remember she grew up in a world where people left the baby’s outside in prams, everybody helped everyone. And saying hello, holding a strangers baby was just the done thing in those days. So try and see it from that angle and she might be lonely, which adds a different perspective, but is she really doing any harm ?
It might make her day saying hello to your little one.
But also equally if you really don’t want to speak to her, go in another direction.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. You've asked her not to do it again and she's persisted. Your toddler's job isn't to entertain strangers or submit to being touched if he doesn't want to. Obviously try to be polite and kind with her, but firm.

I wouldn't like this either. She may be lonely and/or well meaning but you don't have to engage with anyone if it makes you uncomfortable and you certainly don't have to justify not letting strangers touch your child.

My elderly mum used to tell me that she wasn’t gong to stay in and mope after she lost her DH. She was in her 80s and even though she was shy when she was younger told me she talked to everyone she met in the shops or whatever. Thankfully people were always kind and had a minute to pass the time of day with her.

That's called hanselling. An old tradition. You crossed the babies hand with silver to bring the baby fortune. Hope it worked.

Yes, its a well documented accelerator of cognitive decline and dementia. That is precisely why social activity is a key part of keeping an ageing person mentally healthy as well as physically healthy.

It was not meant as a diagnosis.
It was meant as a suggestion
Social isolation in older age is very much known to be a cause of dementia developing.
And this ladies behaviour shows a lack of awareness of social norms.
Of course i don't know.

What i don't understand is OP's, and other pp on MN on multiple threads, who present older people in such negative ways. And seem to have absolutely no understanding of older age.

My sister had the same experience! Her DD had very fair curly hair and this so fascinated the Japanese ladies that they used to ask to take photos of her!

A neighbour doesn't have to live right next door. She's still part of your community. You can definitely tell her not to touch your child but you can also model polite behaviour to him by saying hello. Follow it up,with a comment about the weather, then "Goodbye, got to rush".

Yes, it would be different because unfortunately any man who shows an interest in children he doesn't know is suspected of being a paedophile. Are you suggesting it would be better for society if every woman was also suspected of being a paedophile?

Why are parents so anxious about everything nowadays. The world's gone mad.

The child is a toddler accompanied by a parent. What exactly do you think is going to happen? What is the statistical likelihood that she tucks him under an arm and does a runner at a speed nobody can catch her?

But yes, let's keep children locked up, tracked and under tight supervision until they are 18 and then express shock when they cannot function as normal mentally healthy adults.