Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

That list is pretty much as I see it. I watched some very old Classic Coronation Street episodes, the mainly black and white ones, and women were looking elderly at 60 on that (I was shocked as even though we were the same age and some even a bit younger, they could pass as my mother!). I think it’s because year’s ago women had very hard lives; scrubbing doorsteps, no mod cons etc, so they looked well worn. We’ve moved on from that. I’d feel like I’d really let myself go if someone saw me as an old lady at 64 😭

Fabulous.
Thanks to all those who have commented on the coin giving which I now know is called Han selling, I live in the NE.

On the subject of hugging. I remember reading when mine were small that the frequency of hugs in a lifetime peaks when you have small children of your own and declined to almost zero in the elderly. I found it sad at the time because being hugged endlessly by two tots was just blissful. As an "old lady" of 68 who's children are now 28 and 30 I still think of that.

This is MN though! I am an old lady who was once screamed at in Tesco because when a toddler sitting in the trolley seat gave me a cheesy grin I said, without approaching at all, Thank you for that lovely smile! Apparently I should not be interacting with any child, to be fair others asked if I was OK as she was being batty and I commented that I pitied that poor child.

It’s mostly on MN. If MN was the real world it would be an even more bizarre place than it already is 😁

Ah, ok, I see we think of this term in different ways. For me I would consider a fit marathon running 70yo just as 'old' as a very frail 70yo because I am thinking of it in strictly age terms rather than a description of their frailty.

Interestingly I think more people probably think like you - I was interested so googled it and this was the AI response;

People's perceptions have shifted over time. Surveys consistently find that many people don't consider someone to be "old" until their mid-70s or even later, especially as life expectancy and health in later life have improved.
Functionally, chronological age often matters less than health and independence. For example:

• A healthy, active 72-year-old who runs, travels and works may not feel—or be perceived as—old.
• Someone of the same age with significant frailty might be.

• 50s: Generally not considered old.
• 60s: Older, but not necessarily old.
• 70s: Often where opinions begin to shift.
• 80s+: Most people would describe this as old age.

Don't ever go to Ireland OP.

In Ireland we accidentally took our tiny tots to a beautiful but very formal restaurant for lunch.
It didn't look that posh when we booked.
Anyway by the end of our meal we had our two little lads being picked up and passed around by a table of business men, telling them they were fine fellas and needed to start drinking Guinness and start learn hurling etc....and our daughter was sat on the knee of an older lady listening to her stories about how to find fairies.
All kids were given money for ice creams.

It was glorious but it would probably blow your mind.

I’d be fine with hugging an old lady? My neighbour is 90 odd and we often chat outside the gate. Sometimes she grasps my hand while she’s talking, to emphasise a point or whatever.
I hugged a woman in the supermarket who was crying. Didnt know her from Eve. It’s no big deal!

Ah, the kindness of strangers. Nope, not on Mumsnet anyway.
I once spent some time working in South Africa, in the last years of apartheid.
On my return to the UK I was astounded by how polite and friendly people were. I dropped something in the street and several people stopped to help me pick things up.
In Joburg the reactions would have been ‘Ach, lady, get out of the way.’ I'd hate to think we were going that way here — and even SA is much better these days.

I am retired and volunteer in a charity shop. I love chatting to customers of whatever age. I always have in the back of my mind that I might be the only person a customer has a conversation with that day. You would be astonished how much some people share in a brief interaction, and I now have regulars who pop in just to browse and chat. By all means have reasonable boundaries, but a little bit of empathy goes a long way.

Same, my daughter is just growing out of the age where she is doted upon by old ladies (she looks, I have been told, like the "Pears soap girl" which gets her a lot of attention) and she is still making the absolute most of it. We have a car but she will often ask to go on the bus just because she knows it will be full of people happy to talk to her and tell her how pretty her blonde curls are. What a shame that elderly (and not so elderly) people are now being told that showing interest and affection in young children is inappropriate.

Me too Im 71 and so the same but I wouldnt touch a child unless they run off walking into a road or lost or in any sort of danger.

It’s your call absolutely.

However, we have older women (few older men) all the time talking to our kids, smiling at them, asking them questions, touching them a little bit etc. For us, it’s lovely to see older people taking an interest in kids.

And our kids talk about some of these random exchanges and laugh. It’s so innocent.

But we know where the line is.

This. I always put everything through a “would you allow this at work”. So would an unknown colleague be allowed to come up to you or shout at you etc

For me when they become frail or too dependent on other people doing simple tasks for them (not counting dementia) or look obviously 80. If an adult referred to me as ‘that old lady’ I’d think they were barmy. Obviously I’m not 25 but being older is not the same as being an ‘old lady’.

People are crazy. She’s not an old lady she’s younger than my mum!
Of course strangers don’t get to touch yoir child, especially without asking. We are trying to teach our children body safety.
You don’t owe anyone anything!

100% agree. What is society coming to ?

I grew up in Liverpool and it was very common for people to put a small coin -usually a silver 6d - into a baby's hand.
It was called hanselling and was meant to ensure that the baby always had money, rather like putting a coin into a purse given as a gift. I never saw a mum demanding they didn't touch her baby, they usually just said thanks.
People were always touching babies then and would nearly always chuck a small child under the chin and say they were cute. Your child is obviously with an adult when this woman intetacts with him and she probably just thinks he's cute.

It's got to be a joke post!

i don't see how asking her not to touch is depriving her of interaction. She can still say hello, being elderly doesn't give you a right to touch strangers, adults or children.

If a random old lady kept trying to hug or touch you as an adult I doubt most people would be ok with it. but apparently children don't deserve the same level of consideration.

On a personal note 60 isn't "old", Opp I'm early 60's, I willing to bet good hard cash that I have a higher IQ than you AND that I can run a marathon faster than you

I'd put some money on that as well.

I don’t see old as an insult! Out of interest, when do you think people are old?

It's difficult to judge, but I think I'd actually feel a little uncomfortable with that too, it seems to be part of the 'be nice' ethos that children are pressured to put their instincts/discomforts to one side to indulge people of an older generation.. I don't allow it with my DD, I would expect people to ask, and I let her choose, and reinforce whatever boundary she has, she is 5 now and capable of reinforcing her own boundaries. But I've quietly put relatives in their place for trying to force physical contact as it gives me the creeps to be honest, and as someone who was abused as a child I want my daughter to know that 'no' is a complete sentence.

There could be all manor of reasons why she has taken a special interest in your son, memories of a time gone by or reminders of someone or she could just be a really friendly person, IMO coming to say hello is perfectly fine, touching hand or top of head wouldn't bother me if it didn't bother them, but anything else would be 100% child led, not adult led.

You could try picking him up when you see her, for him to say hello, but that way you can control the interaction more, and you can walk away when he's had enough.

This type of post will always attract ‘world’s gone mad’ and ‘she’s just a friendly old lady’ responses.

They don’t know her so cannot say that.

Trust your instincts.

Cheeky! I’m 64 and not the slightest bit ‘old’ thank you very much. I’ve got two kids in their twenties and am not in any way elderly.

I think you will have to be more firm about the no touching but I wouldn’t blank her (unless she keeps ignoring it). A cordial hello is enough and go on your way. You don’t need to stop and chat.

I pressed YANBU by accident and it won't let me change it, YABU. What age can people touch him, can a nursery worker pick him up when you go back to work? Can someone pickup his glove and hand it back to him? It's not really normal to be so horrified someone touched a baby (in a completely normal way).