Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

I know it's "run the gauntlet" thanks. The OP is walking. Hence my adaptation of the well known saying.
I did say that luring him away would probably be an unreasonable assumption, in my post. But despair away, and really do, enjoy yourself!

If you hadn't mentioned her age you would have had more sensible responses. MN is obsessed with ageism so your thread title is acting as a beacon for melodramatic comments about the state of the world, etc.

Of course it's not OK for a stranger to touch your child, unless they're a healthcare professional. It doesn't matter if someone is lonely, asking if you can touch or hug a strangers child is really strange behaviour and it's perfectly acceptable for you to say no to this.

My world hasn't, nor do I want it to. I certainly don't want to live in yours.

Catastrophising much? 'Walk the gauntlet'? (It's 'run the gauntlet' btw.) 'Lure him away'? With his mother standing right there? I despair, I really do.

Oh FFS get a grip and realise that the world has moved on.

Actually, so do I. However mostly on Mumnset, people completely trust in 'spider senses'. I was just pointing out the double standards. If the post was about an old man or a young woman, I can tell you that the responses would have been totally different. People on here only think 'old women' have a right to do whatever they want.

At the end of the day op everyone is presuming she's lonely etc but even if she is that's not your problem.

These comments are insane. You don't owe this woman politeness, I would blank her next time.

These comments (I've old read the first two pages so far - there may be more) are utterly and unimaginably rude. I despair of what we have become. When has it become anywhere near acceptable to 'blank' someone for talking to your child and when did we become so transactional that 'not owing' someone politeness is considered a reasonable way to behave.

I cannot tell you how angry and despairing these posts have made me.

The self-centeredness and self-importance is off the scale.

Thank you. Finally someone speaks sense.

This. Give her a bit of your time.

Just reiterate your boundary if she tries to touch him again.

You and your son might be the only interaction she had all day/week. It might be you in years to come.

Possibly the most horrible thing I have read on MN this week (and that's going some!) and the exact reason why the world is such a dark and depressing place right now.

OP, I think you need to get a grip on this anxiety.

@ThatJadeLion I agree wholeheartedly with you, that's me for the internet today, too. I hope you have a nice afternoon living out in the real world today. If I see you, I will smile and possibly stop for a chat, despite being an "old lady".

Personally I’ve always put more trust in my brain than my gut or mythical spider senses.

Try it, it makes for a much calmer life.

a neighbour, who you know.
another adult where you instigated the interaction.

and if the lady had said "please don't hug me" you would've stopped and I doubt you would've thought she was wrong to ask that.

until a toddler is old enough parents should be able enforce their boundaries especially when it comes to their bodies and strangers.

she doesn't know this woman and clearly hasn't interacted with her until she came over to meet her child. she is a stranger. it is perfectly ok to ask a stranger not to touch you or your child.

It very weird that so many people think this is unreasonable thing to request from stranger. being a women doesn't absolve you from having to respect peoples requests about their bodies .

Born and raised in London as were my 90s born DC. This was totally normal and it was considered lucky if the child held onto the coin.

Amazingly none of them died as a consequence.

My daughter has a weekly ritual of visiting all her favourite charity shop ladies and imo it's a wonderful way for her to feel like part of the community- and also to learn how to interact with people of all ages.

A few months ago (I think it was one of those very hot days in May) she wasn't dealing well with the heat, we had a few stressful things going on, and she was really quite rude to one of the ladies who we pop in to see most weeks. The lady was shocked by it and I was absolutely mortified and took her straight home.

Anyway, a few weeks later, we went back and prepared in advance, she was nervous to see her again as she knew she'd been rude, but she found her, apologised and explained that she got a bit hot and bothered that day. The lady said she was forgiven, thanked her for apologising, and they had a hug.

That might just be a few minutes out of that lady's weekly volunteering but for a 6 yo, she's learned something valuable about losing your temper, doing the right thing to fix your mistake even when it feels scary, and repairing a connection.

That's massive for her development.

I was about to say stay away from Ireland if you don't like that kind of thing, but someone has beaten me to it, you'd have a fit 😅

Lookit, our job as parents is to rear our children to become decent, functioning members of society who can contribute positively to humanity. That starts at babyhood with these lovely kinds of interactions.

You are, of course, within your rights to ask the lady not to touch your child, that is up to you, but no toddler has been traumatised by an 'elderly' lady stroking their hand or chatting to them or whatever; in fact, it's teaching them super important social skills, particularly how to differentiate between good and bad touch.

As for not owing people politeness, of course we do; it should be the go to to be polite to others around us. How awful if it wasn't!

We will end up with a generation of people who don't know how to interact with each other in a normal fashion, think critically, or distinguish normal patterns of behaviour from abnormal ones if we create anxiety, stress and drama out of normal human interactions.

I don't suppose you'd want help from a stranger with your child then if you needed it. Wouldn't want any kindness shown to you. Wouldn't want help to pick your bits up (or you) if you fell over. Help with the baby and pram up the stairs? Forget it.

That's a totally different situation than the OP. For some reason, the OP finds this woman to be off. This place is normally all about 'trusting spider senses' but as soon as there is a hint of 'ageism' all bets are off. MN are obsessed with agesim.

This is nuts. Telling a baby she's cute with lovely curls is not the same as telling your office colleague she's cute!

Me nither

I'd find that uncomfortable. Talking is fine; touching without permission is not. I'd probably just try my best to avoid her, as I don't know how to prevent her from trying again, since she 'forgot' your request the first time and I'd find it awkward to keep repeating it every time. However, if there's no way to avoid her, I'd just keep asking her not to do it, I suppose.

This. I never come across people like this in real life 😂

Yes I suspect I might feel differently when I am in my 60’s too now you mention it 😂

That's a GARGANTUAN leap.

Ann Widdecombe was an old lady who was murdered. Seems respect for the elderly has disappeared. People are telling OP to blank her to be rude. I think she is probably just being friendly, same as taking my dog into town how many elderly people want to have a stroke & a little hug off her, she loves it & many ‘old’ people I have been told it makes their day. But if the younger generation are scared of any interaction with older generation what will become of our society? Don’t worry it will be your turn sooner than you think.

I am saddened by posters using the idea of 'owing someone something' or not. Linked to this being primary in social interactions.
OP sounds like this lady is lonely, perhaps she has memory issues. Perhaps she was once a nursery nurse , a teacher or of course a mother of a toddler herself. Perhaps she remembers her own little boy at that age. Perhaps she looks at your lovely son and remembers someone she lost .
By all means politely prompt her not to touch your son if it bothers you. But perhaps remain polite , willing to stop for a chat and pass five minutes.
Kindness is not something we 'owe' each other. Nor is compassion and curiosity about our fellow human beings . If we are lucky enough to age we may well all be that older lady in the future xx🌻❤️