Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

The family next door to me have 3 young children who are a delight and although i am by Mumsnet standards an old bag they seem to like me, always chatting, ; in fact they often initiate a conversation if they are playing out and I am coming home. I would never touch them though, but one time when the little girl was showing me the mehndi she had done for Eid i did touch her fingertips to get a better look.

I think you are very wise to be careful who taka to your son. I am the same with my 2 year old son. I never let anyone that I don't know get too friendly with him. It could make him too trusting if strangers which could be dangerous in our current society

So to all these people who say it is fine that an old lady touches this child (in an appropriate way)… I assume you are ok with random old people approaching you and touching you???
OP - you don’t owe the lady anything, and as a child I absolutely hated it when strangers wanted to interact with me, never mind touch me.

I agree, which is why I said OP should quietly move her toddler away if he shows he doesn't like this neighbour touching him.

It's the "they may have dementia" replies that crop up whenever there are any threads about older people that amuse me

There we go then. Everyone has boundaries and everyone is different. So best thing is to accept the boundaries once stated.

Same with my lovely mum in law. One of the early signs of her dementia was her approaching mums with babies or young children. It was with pure warmth and affection but I understood that some mothers felt a bit awkward. I'm forever grateful to those mums who recognised what was happening and were understanding and actively warm to her in return.

I’m 70. I wouldn’t dream of trying to touch some1 else’s child & am fairly staggered that I’m in the minority by voting YANBU.
I wonder slightly if this was an older male attempting to touch the child whether others would feel the same?

I know, it’s really true that it takes a village, to bring up children and honour the elders too.

isolation units in prison are well known for the high rates of psychosis thst occurs there. The brain fails when it is out of communication.

I'm just absolutely amazed at the number of pp who have taken exception to me pointing out that social isolation can cause a person to develop dementia.
This is hardly new knowledge and is well documented.

I would be enchanted if that happened. If an adult tried to do it, I would say 'Please don't do that' and move away.

Social isolation can cause dementia? And there was me thinking all the different forms of dementia have various physical causes which have a detrimental effect on brain function.

And we wonder why people are lonely and isolated with no village when we eschew all harmless social interaction.

This kind of response to a what I see as a normal social interaction makes me so sad. I guess it's best we all just walk around plugged into our phones in case we offensively make eye contact or start to think about talking to the people around us.

I couldn't agree more. Autistic tendencies, anxiety, social awkwardness, and no friendly interaction seem to be the norm for too many oddballs on here.I've read posts on here from people who genuinely won't answer the door or the phone if they're not expecting anyone because they're 'anxious and worried' about who it might be. Jesus Christ, have you ever in your entire life heard so much nonsense?

I find that people in black and white photos always look older! We were looking at one of those whole school photos from the '60s and we were amazed at how old we all looked, yet the eldest would be 18/19, even teachers we knew were in their mid/late 20s looked 40+ .

Thank you! I imagine if I started a thread saying I let my toddler touch strangers and remove their hats, is this okay behaviour most posters would agree I should step in.

We don't want our little ones becoming so obliging to strangers that they are at risk of sexual assault, but there is another extreme too, and that's that they become so resistant to ordinary physical touch that they struggle to form healthy close relationships.

We also need to remember that children are not adults and different norms of physical contact apply. Small children will proactively engage in forms of physical contact - snuggling, hand-holding - that would not be appropriate between most adults. This is not a problem: in normal development they all learn that they need to dial down the physicality during later childhood and early adolescence. Discouraging touch too young risks disrupting the healthy development.

I have a toddler and no way would I let him behave in this way. None of my friends toddlers are allowed to behave like this either.

I wouldn't like that at all. I don't like being touched. I obviously would make allowances for a small child, but I would expect their parent to do something about it.

@housinghun - you are absolutely right to enforce boundaries such as asking people not to touch your child - no-one should touch a child they don’t know (except in an emergency, obviously).

It is up to you whether you carry on letting this lady chat to your child - it would be nice for her if you did - and might become something nice for your child too, and even for you, if you make a new friend - but there is no obligation for you to do so.

Have you met many toddlers? They’d have no problem removing a hat and having a good old look at your face then probably, very loudly, point out all your flaws. Most people would find it funny not have a fit of the vapours.

A lot of people with dementia become obsessed with babies and children. It sounds like she’s lonely. Your overreacting.

I would have no problem with a toddler touching me.

A little old lady said hello, smiled and lifted your 2 year olds hat up a bit to see his face and you want to burn her at the stake. World’s gone bloody mental.

This thread is nuts
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