Page 11 | Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

housinghun · 2026-07-14T10:04:06+00:00

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son. It started off as "Can I say hello?". I agreed. Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face". This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son. OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past. She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road. It was her. I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her. I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son. I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him. I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views. AIBU to feel this way? AIBU

Original poster

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:54

The lady behaves quite strange, like running out the house to see my son when he was walking with OH.

She does the same to other neighbours kids too and they don't like it.

Maybe about 50 years ago it was harmless but times have changed now.

We go out every day and see loads of people who always wave back at my son when he says hello/ waves, nobody stops to touch him.

OP posts:

Applesonthelawn · 14/07/2026 17:51

I do think small children have a right to have their personal space respected, and I'm normally a great one for not making a fuss about anything. But physical boundaries are important to teach.

Mariets · 14/07/2026 17:51

LondonPapa · 14/07/2026 14:46

Or it could be a scout for child kidnapping. This happens in the south of France a lot.

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So a 70 yr old woman interacting with a small child who is with a parent is actually a scout for a paedophile gang? Behave yourself!

Original poster

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:50

@NeverKnowinglyUnderstated
Get a grip on a stranger touching my child? I don't think so.

OP posts:

Original poster

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:49

My son does like being touched but not by people he dosent know and who are strangers to him, I think it reminds him of going to the dentist/doctors.

With people he knows/other kids he is fine.

OP posts:

BettyJoanPerske · 14/07/2026 17:48

rosieroses · 14/07/2026 17:41

It’s definitely tradition in the North of England to ‘cross a baby’s palm’ with silver the first time you meet them to bring them good luck. A couple of older people did it to my little ones when out and about in the pram, often with a 50p (silver coin), I think it’s a lovely sentiment

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That's quite different from the situation in the OP. I do wish people would stop piling on the OP with these irrelevant anecdotes.

EmailsaysOOO · 14/07/2026 17:48

NeverKnowinglyUnderstated · 14/07/2026 16:20

There's some real miserable fuckers on here, no wonder people are struggling with loneliness and social isolation.
Op, get a bloody grip!

Agree with this completely

Lifeomars · 14/07/2026 17:48

rosieroses · 14/07/2026 17:41

It’s definitely tradition in the North of England to ‘cross a baby’s palm’ with silver the first time you meet them to bring them good luck. A couple of older people did it to my little ones when out and about in the pram, often with a 50p (silver coin), I think it’s a lovely sentiment

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I'm in the Midlands and when mine was tiny and out in the pram a few people did that, it was a 50p piece "for luck" and I thought it was a sweet thing to do.

IdaGlossop · 14/07/2026 17:44

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:35

My wording was off.
60 and 70s isn't really old in this day and age as PP have pointed out.

She maybe a harmless lady but that dosent give her the right to touch my child.
She literally took his sun hat off and said "I can't see your face" and he didn't like it.

To him she is just a random woman.

I asked her politely not to touch him and she did it again trying to hug him and touch his hand.
That's not acceptable.

Stanger danger springs to mind.

In future I will just say hello and keep it moving.

Other neighbours with kids here find her quite scary and some have been quite forceful with her, at least I have been polite and not rude to her.

Edited

My response would have been very different if your original post had included the important details that your son didn't like being touched, that you asked her not to touch him and that she did it again. You are being totally reasonable to make sure she doesn't touch him again.

Whatonearthwoman · 14/07/2026 17:44

An older lady touched my child also and i agree, it made me feel really uncomfortable. No one needs to touch your child.

EmailsaysOOO · 14/07/2026 17:44

I think she is probably old and lonely..This could be any of us in the future..I think we need to be kind to the elderly, assuming she isn't going to attack anyone

Katypp · 14/07/2026 17:43

rosieroses · 14/07/2026 17:41

It’s definitely tradition in the North of England to ‘cross a baby’s palm’ with silver the first time you meet them to bring them good luck. A couple of older people did it to my little ones when out and about in the pram, often with a 50p (silver coin), I think it’s a lovely sentiment

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The old people germs! The choking risk! The allergy risk! The danger of making contact with the sacred child by putting the coin in the pram! The invasion of personal space! Not asking permission (it's HER baby, not theirs!)
Welcome to Britain 2026.

rosieroses · 14/07/2026 17:41

youngwhippersnapper · 14/07/2026 12:35

Are you in the North East? When out and about there with my son and new grandson, quite a few kind people stopped to admire the baby and put a coin in his pram. I’d never heard of that custom before ( was visiting from out of that area).

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It’s definitely tradition in the North of England to ‘cross a baby’s palm’ with silver the first time you meet them to bring them good luck. A couple of older people did it to my little ones when out and about in the pram, often with a 50p (silver coin), I think it’s a lovely sentiment

Katypp · 14/07/2026 17:41

IdaGlossop · 14/07/2026 15:14

So much for 'it takes a village'. I find it quite sad that you lack the humanity to take pleasure in the fact that a stranger, in a public place, is cheered up by seeing your child. It's such a simple, human experience. But it makes you uncomfortable. The problem is you, I think, not the slightly eccentric older woman. As for touching in this context, a child isn't his or her parents' personal property. Does your toddler look uncomfortable? If they do, that changes things and I would gently move him away.

Do you really want to raise a child who feels revolted by the touch of others? Why do you feel uncomfortable? Transfer of germs or disease? Possessiveness over your toddler? Fear of violence?

What happens when you child goes to nursery or school and a teacher touches them? What happens when your child is asked to hold the hand of another child to stand in line at school? At a health appointment? If they learn a musical instrument? If they want to play rugby or learn to box? You are at risk of teaching your child that touch by another adult is something negative. Often, it's a necessary part of normal everyday interactions. (I'm not going to venture into the abnormal.)

Actually I think possessiveness plays a big part in posts like this, along with posts about people 'handing round the baby'.
It's dressed up as concern for the child but the reality is it's the parent being possessive and viewing the child as their personal property, not a independent person.

BettyJoanPerske · 14/07/2026 17:38

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:35

My wording was off.
60 and 70s isn't really old in this day and age as PP have pointed out.

She maybe a harmless lady but that dosent give her the right to touch my child.
She literally took his sun hat off and said "I can't see your face" and he didn't like it.

To him she is just a random woman.

I asked her politely not to touch him and she did it again trying to hug him and touch his hand.
That's not acceptable.

Stanger danger springs to mind.

In future I will just say hello and keep it moving.

Other neighbours with kids here find her quite scary and some have been quite forceful with her, at least I have been polite and not rude to her.

Edited

Ignore the people on this thread, OP. Mumsnet is OBSESSED with saying that older women are 'oppressed' and invisible and can do no wrong. It's very boring.

BeRealOpalWasp · 14/07/2026 17:35

adragoncalledaudrey · 14/07/2026 17:06

My neighbour sent her child over to give me a cuddle after my dog died and she’d seen me teary.

He told me he does best cuddles. All I know is that I needed a wee cuddle that day and it felt like a best cuddle to me.

I consider myself fortunate to have a great neighbour who doesn’t think I’m an old lady, must have dementia and am ready to cover him in germs.

I’m also lucky that she doesn’t think me giving him a wee high five is similar to assault.

But that isn't a genuine comparison.

In your scenario, your neighbour is presumably someone you know and have interacted with before, so he can therefore make a judgment call based on his knowledge of you/his child. Also, you were offered the hug, you didn't ask for it. I agree, this is really rather sweet.

In OP's scenario, a woman she considers a stranger is continually approaching her son and has also asked if she can touch/hug him. I personally find that quite strange.

Original poster

housinghun · 14/07/2026 17:35

My wording was off.
60 and 70s isn't really old in this day and age as PP have pointed out.

She maybe a harmless lady but that dosent give her the right to touch my child.
She literally took his sun hat off and said "I can't see your face" and he didn't like it.

To him she is just a random woman.

I asked her politely not to touch him and she did it again trying to hug him and touch his hand.
That's not acceptable.

Stanger danger springs to mind.

In future I will just say hello and keep it moving.

Other neighbours with kids here find her quite scary and some have been quite forceful with her, at least I have been polite and not rude to her.

OP posts:

Jackiepumpkinhead · 14/07/2026 17:35

AnonymityAnonymity · 14/07/2026 12:04

It was not meant as a diagnosis.
It was meant as a suggestion
Social isolation in older age is very much known to be a cause of dementia developing.
And this ladies behaviour shows a lack of awareness of social norms.
Of course i don't know.

What i don't understand is OP's, and other pp on MN on multiple threads, who present older people in such negative ways. And seem to have absolutely no understanding of older age.

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I agree with your second paragraph, it’s worrying. Although, I don’t think it’s helpful that any ‘older’ person who may display different social norms is assumed to have dementia.

AnonymityAnonymity · 14/07/2026 17:34

BettyJoanPerske · 14/07/2026 11:16

These comments are insane. You don't owe this woman politeness, I would blank her next time.

If being kind and polite is insane then give me that any day over the rude and uncaring behaviour you are advocating.

tachetastic · 14/07/2026 17:21

Maybe she's an eccentric millionaire looking for an heir?

Seriously, I wouldn't be a fan if she was being too handsy, but if she's mainly touching his hand when she sees him, she sounds pretty harmless and it is probably a big thing for her.

TheChaffinch · 14/07/2026 17:19

BeUniqueDreamer · 14/07/2026 16:17

It’s such a short period of time where you’ll have a fuss made of you out and about just because you’re a baby/ toddler. I remember how sad it was for my youngest who was a Covid baby and missed out on it. It’s always happened, don’t deprive your son of normal experiences just because…..
She’s not doing anything weird or inappropriate.

It's also a very small window when other adults see your darling offspring as adorable and cute. Once they become snotty six year olds it all ends.

MabelAnderson · 14/07/2026 17:17

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 14/07/2026 12:00

I can’t get past apparently being in OP’s Old Lady parameter ( I’m 62 and this has made me laugh).

Me too, I'm 62 also and feel quite offended to be classed as an 'old lady'.

66/67 is now the retirement age isn't it? All those poor 'old ladies' still grafting! 😏

I know women in their seventies still working, looking after Grandchildren in their spare time, going to the gym and Pilates, bouncing around being busy.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 14/07/2026 17:15

housinghun · 14/07/2026 11:09

Yes I get that but there is no need to touch him.
I would never dream of walking up to a baby or toddler and start touching them.

If a man did this to a woman it would be called assault so why is it OK for someone to do this to a child?

You might yearn to touch a small child’s arm when you are 60/70 years old. You don’t know what it is like to be old and lonely yet.

But I agree, your child, your rules. And it is not your child’s responsibility to make that lady feel better.

But there is touching they need to know is wrong. And there is a benign touching, like a hug, a pat on the shoulder. An unknown Spanish man squeezed mine and my husbands shoulders earlier today due to a funny incident at a tram stop. Both of us found it amusing and laughed with the man.

However I also know for some people with trauma, this second type does not exist. It breaks my heart for you all.

DarkchocolateAndtea · 14/07/2026 17:13

SpreadsheetLife · 14/07/2026 16:53

I have a 14 month old and this would not bother me in the slightest. I think it's lovely when older people smile and interact with him, stroke his cheek, you can see how much joy it brings them.

I'd question why it makes you anxious OH - what exactly are you concerned about?

I wonder if it reminds older people of when their children were younger perhaps, maybe a little nostalgia. I remember a little old lady talking away to my dc, and I about how she used to be a dancer when she was younger; it was lovely. She shook my son's hand at the end, and said it was nice to have met him. We may have been the only people she saw all day.

Poodleville · 14/07/2026 17:11

I wouldn't like it at all.