AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

The teens should be allowed their privacy! Just ask them to come down to say goodbye when he shouts up...no drama

My BIL will always pop his head in to say bye to my 2 sons when he is over, I have never thought anything about it tbh.

Either call them down or go up with him. However, if your girls don’t like it, that’s your answer.

I have, which is why I suggested telling him to call them out of their rooms to say bye.

YANBU. Follow your instincts; call the girls down.

I mean, I find it weird that you find it weird because that tells me you think there’s something off about your brother, in which case why are you even letting him come round to visit at all?

I think the problem here is that everyone imagines their own brother in that situation - that brother might be absolutely fine but the OP's brother clearly isn't. I wouldn't want this at all. If your husband is there might he be able to stop this happening? I had a brother like yours and wouldn't want him in a one-to-one situation with my daughter at all. If all else fails follow him up and stop him going into their rooms.

If he left without saying goodbye to them as some are suggesting, then he would be considered rude.

It says in the OP they don’t really like him going in their room.

She DOES say that, though - in her opening post: the girls don’t really like their uncle coming to their bedrooms either.

It wouldnt be weird in my household tbh but, clearly you are uncomfortable with it. What do you Children think?
Maybe once a month they could stay downstairs and socialise with him.

The OP literally says the girls don’t really like him in their bedroom.

There are many grown adults on Mumsnet who don’t like others going in their bedrooms as it’s their own space. I don’t see why this shouldn’t extend to teenagers.

Why on earth are you inviting him over at all given what he has been like? I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my family, unless he had fully acknowledged and apologised for his behaviour. Your lack of self confidence around him is an added risk too.

He is socially awkward so is he used to family advising him on this kind of situation?

Just tell him - "the girls have reached that age where they don’t like people going into their bedrooms, I’ll call them down to you" (as I do for everyone else).

Ignore people trying to say it's ok for a man to do this when it is unwelcome. Your dds don't want him to do it and that is enough. The end.

Your gut says STOP. Your daughter's don't like it. Any one of those is reason enough.
Put your big girl pants on and enforce your daughter's boundaries.

For context, my kids all come down or don't - but no one goes upstairs.

Does he knock and wait for them to respond or does he barge in?

Its intrusive to go into their rooms. Your instinct is spot on and I wouldn’t hesitate to prevent this happening. Most men avoid putting themselves in awkward positions with young teen girls op for obvious reasons.

It is overstepping a boundary now they are older.

My older children usually go to their rooms before my Mum leaves and she always goes upstairs and knocks on their doors to say goodbye. Never really thought anything of it. Mum has a great relationship with all of the children.

He clearly makes you all uncomfortable so that is enough. I don't think in itself going upstairs to say goodbye is always a no-go situation but in this case it is. Because it is unwanted. And because you should always trust your gut in these situations. Something about him makes you very uncomfortable, trust your instinct and put a stop to it.

If he's always done it, if the girls aren't complaining, then I can't see the problem.

I don’t think it’s weird but if you do and kids don’t want him up there just shout “girls come down and say bye to Uncle Mike.”

Are you "being unreasonable" in insinuating to your brother that you think he's some sort of weirdo and that it's inappropriate for him to say bye to your daughters while they're in their rooms?

Good luck with him ever speaking to you again if you approach him with that. I would never talk to you again if you did that to me.

(editing to add, some nice drip feeding there, op, re the childhood bullying. Still doesn't mean he's a weirdo. If you don't want him going upstairs then you're just going to have to tell him not to. Poor guy)

If the op isn’t happy about him going upstairs in her own home then it’s not fine.

Since when do visitors dictate where they can go in other people’s homes?

It doesn’t sound unreasonable of him until the girls and you are uncomfortable. Assuming there were no concerns I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong. However, your gut is telling you otherwise and your girls are uncomfortable. If you don’t want to directly tell him, I would follow him up and shout something like “girls come out of your rooms and say bye to your uncle”, or assuming he’s not there for long ask them to stay downstairs, or make excuses for him to not come around as much seeing as he bullied you and you don’t trust him.