AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

Are you still afraid of your brother OP?

All that matters here is that your daughters dont want him in their rooms. You must support them in this.

What other households/uncles/teens do doesnt matter.

If he's annoyed, it doesnt matter. A decent man would simply say "of course, yes theyre not little girls anymore ".

If he does it again, say ‘no I’ll shout them’, then proceed to shout them.

Most sexual assaults to a child are by someone who knows them, often in their family… such as an uncle.
Yes, it’s weird. The girls don’t like it, ‘the gift of fear’ is a good book for them (& you) to read.
It’s so weird, most would just shout ‘bye’, he’s invading their space/ crossing their boundaries and he knows it.

Just curiously how did you come to the number? Did you make it up or was it based on anything?

If you’re teenage daughter told you they didn’t feel comfortable with this would you continue to allow it because you think the chances of SA happening are small?

As a teenage girl I wouldn’t have wanted my uncle coming up into my bedroom.

What difference does it make?

Man here.

It's definitely weird and I'd never do that. Listen to your daughters and put a stop to it.

Thank you for asking. My question wasn’t ‘what percentage of abuses are uncles etc’
but ‘percentage of uncles etc are
abusers’

Just call them down.

I very much doubt you could do a Venn diagram about anything relevant to this thread. You can't even read the OP's posts. You put up a ludicrous figure suggesting an uncle abusing a teenage niece is so far out of the realms of possibility:

What are the statistics? I would suggest it something like 0.01%? But more than happy to be corrected.

But aside from any of that, the girls are uncomfortable with him coming into their bedrooms. That is all we need to know. It doesn't have to be sexual. It is a boundary invasion, and they are right to want to assert their own boundaries.

Are you saying it’s not a fact that sexual abusers are statistically more likely to be a person known to the victim? Is that what part you’re saying this poster is wrong about?

How did I do a reverse?

It should have read "sexual abuse victims under 18".

I don't think the statistics drill down into what percentage of abusers are uncles, but perhaps you could look into that. A large proportion are family members: brothers, fathers, grandfathers, and uncles.

I wish I could do a Venn diagram just to show where you’re thinking is completely wrong, but I understand where you’re coming from

Most sexual abusers are close family members.

OP, say something like "I'll call them down, I need to get them to do some jobs/ chores/ check their homework anyway". After a few times he'll get the message.

And you sound dangerous and like someone who enjoys trampling over other people's boundaries. What is it about OP's brother who is a bully and persists in breaching his teenage nieces' privacy by walking into their bedrooms uninvited that makes you take his side?

Teaching her daughters that they don't have to pander to unpleasant men is the opposite of causing them issues.

Your pandering to entitled men like OP's brother is the massive red flag.

Why do you still speak to your brother if he was so vile to you growing up?

OP, yanbu.
The girls don't like it.

Is there a reason a horrendous bully is still in your life?
Do you want him to visit?
It is not normal for family to wander upstairs just because they want to.

This is your home.
I would be telling him when the girls leave the table to go upstairs that you will call them to say goodbye and that he is NOT to go upstairs to their room.

If he argues the point, it would be the last time he visited.

I admit that may bd harsh or extreme to some, but I have zero tolerance for anyone, particularly men not respecting my boundaries in my home.

But then anyone who bullied me horrendously a child, wouldn't be still in my life.

Don't doubt yourself.

The girls are entitled to their privacy in their bedrooms in their own home. They don't want their bully uncle coming in their bedrooms.

They're too old for their uncle to be barging them in their private space. They're allowed to have boundaries and their mom and dad are going to have to make those clear to bully uncle.

When he says right then, I'll go upstairs, you just say no, you're not going up any more. Bedrooms are private space.

@Unconvinced8768 , are they trying to avoid spending some time with him by going up to their rooms?

They don’t like it, you don’t like it- so it doesn’t happen- advocate for them OP. Say when he arrives ‘when you leave I’ll call the girls down, they don’t like people going into their rooms now’ Don’t overthink it or stress that it makes things awkward- if he’s a good guy he really should immediately say ‘oh god, yes sorry, I forget they’re not little any more, that’s fine’ - any other response and I’d be very wary of his motives.

I wouldn't expect the girls to speak up for themselves in this case. We were brought up to be polite to our elders, including aunts and uncles. Probably not as common these days, but this was only the 80s, and it would have been considered disrespectful and rude to tell an aunt or uncle not to come into your room if there wasn't a very good reason for it. But on the other hand, it was never necessary, because they just didn't try it.

Personally, I don't think many adult males should be going into a teen girl's bedroom, besides her father, and even that should be done with respect (knocking and waiting, for example).

Because he bullied her terribly when she was young.

Would you want your childhood and beyond bully going into your daughters' private spaces when they don't want him there?

This isn't your bro. This is a adult bully who's entering the private spaces of teen girls when he's not wanted there.

Why don't you look up the actual statistics rather than pull a random (and frankly completely stupid) figure out of nowhere. Given that 90% of CSA perpetrators are someone the child knows then it's reasonable to assume that any family member would rank highly, given it's mainly family members who will have unsupervised access to children. It's actually very worrying how little some people know about safeguarding on here.

Teaching teens to hold boundaries with men is always a good idea no matter how nice their uncles may be.

In my family, no, we wouldn't go into anyone's bedroom unless invited (or if they were very young and we were babysitting them or something, obviously). I think it's normal to want privacy. They could be changing or something, for all he knows. I'd tell him that they're older now and want to keep their bedrooms private. That's normal for teenagers. It doesn't mean you're implying he's a pervert or something!

You didn’t answer my question though, did you? You did a reverse.