AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

Let me guess. He isn't in a relationship and doesn't have any friends so despite the way he treated you when you were a child, you feel a sense of responsibility towards him and a bit sorry for him so you let him come round.

Are your parents still alive?

I agree. It is invasive. Call them down. Upstairs and in bedrooms. No.

It's also good manners for adult male visitors to stay out of the bedrooms of teenage girls who are uncomfortable with them entering their rooms.

I cannot get over the votes on this. Teen girls don’t want a man in their room and 63% think their mother would be unreasonable to prevent him from going anyway?

You just say - "Oh you know what teenagers are like about their rooms - I'll go get them." My 15-year-old is very protective of her space. He room is actually downstairs next to the front door but I would always ask her to come our to say goodbye rather than have a guest looking in, they are the same about my Mum who would love a snoop! To be honest, even I have to be invited it when they are home.

But if he said that he didn’t feel comfortable with this would you continue or respect his wishes?

If you were in your bedroom at home and a relative came in every time they visited and you said you didn’t feel comfortable with it, would you expect them to respect that?

I am sorry to hear what happened to you. I was using figures from police reported incidents rather than NSPCC.

Coming downstairs to say goodbye to a visitor is good manners.

Regardless of any daughters or sons views about someone coming into their bedroom.

Some of the responses here are pretty bad. The girls have expressed they don't love it. No ones saying anything untoward is happening but it's important that they feel like they can express discomfort to their mother.

I have teenagers and maybe on the odd occasion their aunties and uncles have gone upstairs, mostly to give them gip about being too cool to hang out with us.

If my DS said he didn't like it, I would do something about it.

@Onmytod24 NSPCC figures show 1 in 20 children are sexually abused. I was one of them.

Your posts about not all males assault kids are missing the point and minimising victims experiences.

OPs brother is a bully and her kids don't want him in their rooms. Seems simple to me.

Most decent men would eat glass rather than be seen in a teen girl’s bedroom, unless they have severe special needs they are acutely aware of how it might be seen/risk. This screams testing boundaries, because he can.

It is a bit odd. My DD have several uncles and none has ever gone in their room. We are always downstairs socialising. When they leave they call up and the kids come down to say goodbye.

OP,.It really doesn't matter whether you thinks it's weird, the fact that the dds are uncomfortable with their uncle going into their bed would be enough for me.

Just tell your brother that now the girls are older that they don't like anyone going into their bedrooms so that shouldn't cause offence if it's a general rule.

Here we go again pulling random numbers out of thin air. You have no idea how many of those 8 million have uncles, your 4 million guesstimate is based on basically nothing. You’ve also not accounted for the fact that boys can also be sexually abused so your calculations also omit those numbers. Your back of a fag packet calculations also don’t take into account the number of unreported cases either. I really don’t understand what point you’re trying to make.

There is absolutely no reason for an adult extended family member to be in a child’s room unless they are helping to care for the child.

This is not a hardship on anyone.

I go up to my grandsons bedroom to say goodbye. I’m not shouting up stairs and anyway he wouldn’t hear me if he’s got headphones on.

my bet would be because the OP "doesn't want to upset the family" That's the usual reason.

We are in a similar position.

My girls set their own boundaries, I will always help to enforce them until they feel able.

Sometimes people set off the mum radar, we have one that does so in our family. There may be no substance in it, but nonetheless, they will not be overstepping any boundaries my girls choose to set.

Just say his nieces are growing up and it isn't appropriate for him to go in their rooms, and that you can call them down to say bye. A decent person will think nothing of it.

What the actual fuck.

What's your point?

They dont want him in their rooms.

Thanks it does make a massive difference. There’s roughly 8,000,000 girls under 18 in the UK right now maybe 4 million of those have an uncle. Last year there was 120,000 reports sexual abuse of children made to the police. Even considering that all of that abuse was committed by uncles rather than fathers or next-door neighbours or older brothers that would give us 3% not 90 something percent.

Just tell him the girls rooms are a mess and can he say goodbye from down here.
Or when they go up tell them to say goodbye right then and say they are going for a nap or something and not to bother coming up..
Better yet just tell him the girls prefer their own space now they're older and it's best not to go upstairs to say goodbye when he leaves

If the girls don't like it then that is all that counts.
Just tell him you'll shout them down.

If he’s annoyed, that’s a sign that he’s got a problem.