AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

I don’t think it’s normal. He could just shout up the stairs “I’m going now, bye girls!”

He should not be going into teen girls bedrooms.

You’re their mum Op, they need you to advocate for them. Teach them that their privacy and boundaries matter. Tell him he’s not to go upstairs and that it’s not appropriate.

This. The girls don't like it, they have the right to decide their boundaries.

I am sure the uncle is not a perv, however, my 'lovely uncle' used to flash his erect penis at me and my Dsis whilst my parents sat downstairs...everyday. he lodged with us and we were made to say good morning to him upstairs, to be polite....

I do find it weird that you see it as an invasion of “privacy” that he would go to their rooms. Presumably their rooms are off a hallway or other communal area. Presumably he knocks if a door if closed - if he doesn’t then obviously that is an issue that needs to be addressed. I really can’t see what the big deal is in a child opening the door when he knocks and saying goodbye, which I’m sure takes less than a minute.

I think it's a pretty normal thing for an uncle to do 🤷‍♀️ but if your teens are uncomfortable with it, you just have to pre-empt it by saying it's ok I'll call them down to say goodbye. I actually think it's quite nice that he wants to say bye to them before he goes!

Your girls don’t like it -
that’s all I’d need to know

you say to him - girls don’t like people going into their rooms - so don’t,
I’ll call them down to say goodbye

no debate
thems the rules

When he says he's going upstairs, say no.

Or tell him earlier in the day - Jim, the girls don't like anyone going up to their rooms as it's their private space, I'll call them when you're leaving and they can come down to say bye.

I agree with you OP.

My mum used to visit unexpectedly as she only lives round the corner and would walk straight up to my sons’ bedrooms when they were teenagers to say hello.

They didn’t know she was coming and kept their doors closed for privacy. She’d just walk in!

I had to say, as she was on the way upstairs “Wait mum! I’ll call them down. They don’t like people just walking in, that’s why their doors are closed.”

Had to say it time and time again and in the end I had to tell her quite abruptly to stop as it bothered them.

Just say that your daughters don’t like anyone going into their bedrooms. You don’t need to explain any more.

I’ve seen funny memes/videos about how the British tend to always do a knee-slapping “right, okay!” kind of sigh, before getting up to leave. 😊 Surely he does something like this and you can dash to the hallway, blocking him, and shout them to come and say bye!

That question is individual to the family.

My brother wouldnt. He'd ask. Id say Ill shout them to come down.

We have a downstairs toilet. It wouldn't be normal for him to go up at all..

I also dont consider him extended family.

Its more that he just announces he’s off and goes up to their bedrooms before I get the chance to say I’ll call them down to say goodbye.
Hmm, really? That's lightening speed if you don't have the chance to say Hold on a minute. I have a feeling you just don't want to have that awkward conversation. If he really is that fast, just tell him when he arrives, just so he knows, that now they are older they would prefer to come downstairs to say goodbye. Teens / preteens get quite territorial about their rooms and that is perfectly fine.

@ChavsAreReal worded it perfectly.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him not wanting to disturb them, popping upstairs. knocking on their doors and saying goodnight. If he’s barging into their rooms and plonking himself down on their beds, I would think that was overstepping! Unless you have any other qualms about him being with your girls, I wouldn’t be particularly worried about this.

Not in our family. People let them know they’re leaving and the kids choose whether to just shout bye to go down to say bye to them.

It’s crossing a privacy boundary and you are uncomfortable with it. That’s enough of a reason to stop him next time

I don't think it's abnormal, but if you don't feel comfortable with it then say something.

Do your daughters dislike it, or do you have some concerns about your brother?

Surely he can just knock on their doors, stick his head in and say bye.

And if they are teenagers, they can ask him to do that themselves.

"" Wait a minute John, they prefer it if you just shout up, they like their privacy tbese days"
Have teens pre warned that they must be polite, and show tbeir face, for this to work.
Have the girls said they don't like it?

Yes really. If their door is closed we just walk past. If it’s open we pop in.

I get annoyed that my partner’s sisters do this too. The children have specifically said “please stop people coming into our rooms.” They very much see it as their privacy being invaded.

I think you’re weird to suggest that it’s weird, but I think it’s more polite that your children would come down rather than him going up. I think you just need to get up when he is making moves to leave and shout to the children “Uncle John is leaving now! Come and say goodbye!” That’s what we’ve always done.

The important bit here is that your daughter's don't like it - so just tell him now they are older their privacy is important to them and stop him going up. Make it clear it's not a "him" thing it would be the same with anyone!

Maybe they would if he shouted to say he was leaving. How would they know to come downstairs because he is leaving if he doesn’t shout to them?