AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

How old are they?

Have you got Alexa setup in different rooms? We ask Alexa to “drop in on X room” if DS is upstairs and we want him to pop down and say bye to Grandma / Sister etc before they leave.

If you’ve got one could you engineer scenarios earlier in the day when your brother is visiting where you speak to your daughters via Alexa? Then you could say “this is great, means we don’t have to keep running upstairs to talk to them, it’ll save you having to go up there when you leave”.

Hi OP, we have 2 teenagers and none of our extended family have ever felt the need to go into their rooms. And if anyone did,.they wouldn't like it at all. Just casually say they're teenagers now and don't want him going into their rooms. If he's decent, he'll understand and will probably be a little embarrassed that he had to be told. I don't understand why others on the thread are trying to say you suspect him of anything. Families often don't recognise that nieces are getting older and need their privacy....they're just still seeing them as little.....

Why is it weird? I’m really close with my uncle (mum’s younger brother) and he’s seen me in some right states as an adult and has changed my nappies as a baby, so I don’t understand how this could ever be weird. He is just saying goodbye. Do you not trust your brother? If so, What is wrong with him for you not to trust him to say goodbye to his nieces for gods sake?

if it’s that much of an issue just say to him “the girls don’t like people going up to their rooms, teenagers ey?! Just shout up to them!”

MN is absolutely mental. He is going into their rooms to say bye. If you (and them) are that worried about him doing this then he shouldn’t be in your house.

Why aren't you standing up for your girls? They don't like it, it is up to you to stop it.

He was a bully to you and you allow him in your house?

Something is upsetting your DC about him so I’d stop the invites if I were you. If you still want him there you need to be quick on the mark and call the DC down, having warned them beforehand. In fact I’d say something when they are leaving the table, eg I’ll call you both down when your uncle is leaving.

If he questions it tell him they both like their privacy now, so we’ll do goodbyes in the hall.

If he pushes back after that, stop him coming round.

My brother would look around and go those girls are hiding in their room? Go up, lift them up and carry them back to the group. They’d scream and giggle and love it.

It should not be left to teen girls to protect themselves. The adults should create the conditions where this is automatic. Therefore the mum, op, should be saying no to her brother going upstairs. And, I would go even further to say that his invitation to lunch rescinded in future if he continues to breach boundaries.

Young teen girls should not have feel uncomfortable pandering to adult males.

the girls don’t really like their uncle coming to their bedrooms either.

That is all you really need to know.

Well then that's the problem. Not what is normal in other people's households.

Tell him it's not to happen. If he insists on doing it, he doesn't come round.

You're uncomfortable, you're dc are uncomfortable.

Block him, and yell for them to come down and say goodbye - is there a pattern on his behaviour?

Talk to him and tell him that you would prefer him to say goodby downstairs

It will be normal in some families and not others.

My brother would sometimes go upstairs to have a chat with my daughter before going but they've always done that.

If she'd told me she wasn't comfortable with relatives going up to her room, I'd tell my brother that and call her down. And there'd be no problem with that either.

If your daughters aren't happy with it, you need to communicate that to him. It doesn't matter what happens in other people's families.

Not in our family. DGPs say goodbye to the DC in the hall when we shout them down. They always knew they had to come straight down, so we’d tell them beforehand so they knew bit to get into a long gaming session.

Just shout up to them before he can get up the stairs! “Girls, uncle’s leaving! Come down and say goodbye!”

if they’re that bothered about him poking his head round the door they will take action to avoid it, problem solved

it doesn’t need to be a big deal.

‘Brother the girls have reached that age now where they are private about their bedrooms so we all need to respect that. I’m going out on all them downstairs instead of you going upstairs. I’m sure you understand’.

If he knocks at the door and doesn't open it and go in without them replying, then it doesn't seem like a big issue. If he just walks in, then it is definitely not ok.
You could always shout up the stairs for them to come and say goodbye before he gets there. Can they hear? My mum calls up the stairs to my son but never gets a response, it takes two of us shouting and he still can't hear with his headphones on.
I would tell your brother that they'll come down and say goodbye, and that they have got to the age that they don't like people going in their rooms, and that you'll go and get them.

I am glad you are looking out for your girls and their feelings. All these posters saying, "He's their uncle!" are tone deaf and/or very sheltered. It's just creepy invading young teenagers' private spaces, when a quick shout out of "Goodbye" or "Tell the girls good bye from me" would suffice a normal, non-boundary-stomping individual.

Tell.him
Since the girls are now teens lets call out or knock let thrm come out to say goodbye.
Or get them to yell go away like most teens like to do...as a joke firstly but to get the hint.

What does he do? Knock on the door, then stick his head round and say “I’m off now, bye!” and leave? If it’s just this, then he probably doesn’t want to be seen as rude for leaving without saying goodbye.

If he’s walking in unannounced, sitting on the bed and having a nose at their stuff, then fair enough.

Your daughters need to say goodbye to him when they go upstairs I think “I’m going to go and do some homework now, nice to see you uncle Bob, see you next week” or whatever.

Do you? So if you were in your bedroom you would expect uncle of yours to race up the stairs and come in to your room to say goodbye? Rather than just call up the stairs?

Ignore the voting. Remember this is Mumsnet. Also you have no clue who uses this website. Could be a bunch of men (why? Clue is in the name) and/or paedos etc.

1. Your children said they don't like it and it's your job to enforce their wishes (when reasonable)
2. It is super weird that he keeps going upstairs when your kids already went to bed.. it wouldn't occur to me, even as a woman, to be trying to be alone with someone else's kids in their bedrooms, and also: what if they're asleep already? It's just rude.

I would warn him in advance or ask him when he comes over to leave before the kids go to bed. You could even say it by talking to your kids: "say goodbye because it's bedtime and we're asking guests to leave before bedtime now, aren't we".

Can’t you just text them as he is getting ready to leave so they can pop down so you don’t have to shout up to them (my DC would probably have their noise cancelling headphones on so wouldn’t hear the shouting anyway!) and he doesn’t need to go up.

You're suggesting things here op

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