AIBU to stop my brother going upstairs to say goodbye?

YANBU, and honestly he shouldn't need a reason to respect it beyond "the girls would rather come down and say bye." That's a complete sentence on its own. If he questions it further, that's on him, not on you for not having a watertight explanation ready — you don't owe him a deeper justification, the same way you wouldn't need to explain to a guest why they can't wander into other rooms in your house. Some things don't need a debate, they just need respecting. Next time, just head him off with "I'll shout them down!" said breezily, and if he asks why, "it's just a thing now, they're private about their rooms" is more than enough.

I was abused by an uncle when he used to come in and say goodnight. I was much younger than your daughters. To the pp who asked how can you question your own brother this is exactly how they get away with it. Regardless he bullied you and he’s doing it now, reduce contact you owe him nothing. Agree with po who said he might start forcing himself on your daughters next, inviting himself round to their houses. Nip this in the bud.

I wouldn’t like it either. They could be changing and it could be very awkward. I wouldn’t let it happen and would tell the brother not to go up as they like their private space. Easy.

If he was a terrible bully to you, would you rather not see him at all?

I think the boundary should be drawn before this point and clearly. I understand that the OP has said that there is a downstairs loo so there is no reason for a visitor to go upstairs without permission.

If he starts up the stairs shout to your girls, 'Uncle xxx is going now come say goodbye' It gives them the chance to meet him on the landing without him actually going into their room. Other than that just say, 'Whoa hang on I'll shout them down' when he get's up to leave.

Does he knock and wait?

He should just shout up see you later girls I'm off
Teen daughters bye Uncle Billy end of
Oh and they probably do the eye roll..

You are not being weird OP! It is their private space and he shouldn't even go upstairs without being invited.

You don't like this man so who cares if he's offended when you tell him not to? Actually that's even better. Don't let him bully your daughters and invade their private space.

Stop allowing him near you or your girls.
You owe him nothing.

Your daughters are trying to tell you something.
Listen.

They don't want him near their room.
He's a creep that bullied you.

Why would you leave him near your girls.

It screams opportunist to me.

Come on now. Do you actually want him in your life? He's completely trampling your boundaries, and I reckon he's on a big power trip with you in your own house. At the very least, he has no consideration for you. Unless there's some great desire on your part to keep this connection, put a stop to the visits.

Honestly, I'd be worried he might start inviting himself around to your daughters' houses one day, and burdening himself onto them if you don't nip this in the bud.

Presumably if they liked spending time with him, they would remain downstairs while he's visiting? The fact they retreat to their bedroom(s) suggests they're not too fussed, so why he then goes out of his way to say goodbye is frankly odd. Anyhoo, as others have said, I'd just shout up the stairs: 'Girls, uncle x is going now!'

"Yes, lots of posters would be fine with this, but your girls aren't, and that's all that matters"

nailed it.

Agree. He shouldn't be bounding into their bedroom. Please show your girls how to enforce boundaries with a man.

Yes, lots of posters would be fine with this, but your girls aren't, and that's all that matters

so basically Op you are guilting yourself?
Simple question really. Who REALLY deserves your concern and support.

I voted YABU.

If you have any genuine concerns then your brother shouldn't be in the house at all, ever.

Otherwise, you need to just tell him as he probably sees them as children rather than young adults and doesn't appreciate the privacy they want/need.

Yeah I think that’s weird

Absolutely no one is allowed or was allowed up to my dds room without their permission.
It had to be their safe place and respected as such. Anyone who tried to disregard that was told firmly and politely to stay downstairs while i called my dds down.
If anyone objected they wldnt be welcome in my home.
I and dh knock and always have. From when they were old enough to respond.
People have no respect for children. Its a disgrace.

It is normal in your family. It is not normal in my family and I wouldn’t walk into family member’s bedrooms unless asked first.

Your own experience isn’t everyone’s.

from this thread the OP can take away that it’s normal for some families but also not acceptable in others and each person/ family should choose what they feel comfortable with.

I think this is the perfect way to handle it!

You owe this man absolutely nothing, OP. Guessing he turns up uninvited? Next time he does this, turn him away saying it's not a good time and you're busy. If he does it again, don't answer the door. If he does message to ask to come round, tell him you're busy. You will need to learn to ignore the feelings of guilt and responsibility. They are misplaced.

It is.
I’m 22. Recently, we had a family party and I went upstairs because I was upset over something work-related and didn’t want to cause a fuss. My grandmother, who is now 80, came upstairs looking for me, walked into my room, and sat down with me before we went back downstairs together.
as a child my uncle would tuck me in, but then again I was essentially the middle child of his four (two older two younger) so on family vacations he’d take care of me like one of his own.

I would never do this in someone else's house. If the parent of the teen called them to say bye, I would say goodbye but if not I would probably leave them to it. My nieces often go to their rooms before we leave and I would never interrupt them. I think it's a bit intrusive and they're not little kids anymore. In fact, terrifyingly, one is actually an adult now!

I wouldn’t make excuses.

A bedroom is an intimate space, where we sleep, change, relax. There is no reason for a guest to be in an intimate spaces.

“We are teaching the girls about appropriate boundaries and don’t want guests coming to their bedrooms uninvited.”