I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

Yeah it's super inappropriate that the guy tried to friend you. You do realise that's a breach of medical regulations? He's lifted your data and tried to find you on socials. That is super intrusive.

But your DH is overreacting big time.

Another here who thinks your husband sounds unhinged.

As a PP noted, you are saying things which suggest you are in an abusive relationship like "I don't know the rules until I have broken one". Why is he the judge of what's right and what's wrong? You're clearly an extremely competent grown woman. Can't you judge for yourself what's right and what's wrong? There may be some areas where your lines are slightly differently drawn where you might each accommodate the other a bit but if you're comfortable with what's you've done you absolutely should not apologise or take any shit over it. Apologising just feeds his narrative that you've done something wrong.

Giving you 1 week's silent treatment is punishment and abusive. Letting another man into your marriage - what a ridiculous thing to say. I have never had these types of conversations with my DH in 25+ years. We each have opposite sex friends with whom we communicate via social media and whom we see socially from time to time. That's normal in a healthy relationship. We trust each other not to cross lines.

It's a Facebook friend request not a weekend away in Paris. Means fuck all.

Genuinely this is absolutely batshit. Why do you continue to allow this vile human in your life. Run run run.

It isn’t normal or professional for healthcare workers to friend people on FB either.

The healthcare professional should not have looked you up on social media and then sent a friend request - that is very unprofessional of him and he should not be abusing his position by doing so.

However, regardless of who has sent you a friend request and you have accepted it, your husband should not be monitoring something like that so closely and reacting this way as a result. It is very worrying that he is also checking your phone and emails. He sounds abusive and controlling. It seems he is like this in other ways too - not congratulating you is indicating to me that he resents your success and is punishing you by not celebrating it -another massive red flag.

Deep down, you know that you have not done anything wrong and he is obviously trying to convince you that this is threatening your marriage, when in reality, it is his behaviour that is threatening the marriage.

I hope that you are starting to plan leaving him, as the behaviour he is displaying is worrying and I’d imagine that these are not isolated incidents and things are only going to get worse.

Good luck.

I agree. OP feels tired because of the coercive control. It’s not too late to make a new start.

If I accepted a friend request on Facebook my husband wouldn't even notice a d neither would I. That plus the multiple emails sounds quite concerning. Do you feel safe? Is he controlling in other ways? Worth looking into support resources on coercive control and domestic abuse.

Surely you know it’s not acceptable to add a man that you don’t know/barely know?

I can’t help feel that you are playing dumb and this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

But if you share passwords, go through each others emails and messages then the relationship isn’t working and I’d end it.

I would be more sympathetic if you guys were early 20s figuring stuff out but you’re 40 and too old to be both acting so childish.

Omg OP. He is abusive!
Please say you know this. Read your posts. This is not normal behaviour. You did nothing wrong. You have to leave him. Get sorted. You are the one with the much larger income. Get prepared. Either you have energy or not but honestly it’s not going to get better and you’ll end up miserable and regretful in later life having wasted your life with this abusive bastard.

If you had a really good friend who you met up with for a lunch and she told you all about her husbands behaviour and it was the same as yours. Would you honestly think she was in a healthy relationship? Sometimes a step back is needed to see the wood for the trees.

Btw please also note that if you are earning so much more than him, doing something similar to his mum and still progressing, he is ALSO likely to be jealous.
Jealous of how much you’re earning. Jealous of the attention you’re getting.

The house isn’t a reason good enough.
But he has worn you down. That’s why everything feels just too much right now.
Please ask yurself. If one of your dcs was in a similar position than yu,what would you tell them?

I have read all your comments now. This sounds like an abusive marriage. What would you tell your daughter if she came to you and described her relationship in this manner.

perhaps I m watching to much too,

but you might be not wrong with this one

or even husbund have a spying app installed on OP's phone so he know all her movements

Your husband is out of line, with all of it. The kicking off, the sulking, checking your phone, the reporting on your behalf to the GP. He has jealousy and controlling issues.
He isn't healthy.

Well done on exam though, kudos.

Why are you with this man. And why are you letting him dictate what you do? Who cares if it breaks his rules.
Yes you probably shouldn’t have accepted the friend request and it was odd of the doctor to send it in the first place. But it sounds like you’re worried about not breaking his rules.
The fact he’s checking how many friends you have on a regular basis is weird and controlling and would give me the ick.

OP, these are signs of coercive control from your husband. I’m sorry you’re in this position. His behaviour is very unlikely to change, so, however tricky, I think you need to get yourself out of this relationship. (I don’t say this lightly - I know it will be very difficult when you own a house together, but the alternative of staying and being bullied is a lot worse and will cause you stress for a lot longer.)

LTB. Especially now you’re qualified and presumably can provide for yourself.

none of what you have described is normal. He is controlling and abusive. Ask around.

Not punishments as such but a week of arguing, being told how vile and disgusting I am.

@DopamineDeficient that IS a punishment.
Just like refusing to acknowledge your resukts IS a punishment.

AND he is controlling too.
Who checks who you’re adding as friends on FB? That closely that within half a day they know about itL
That they feel it’s ok to make a complain in your behalf?

Cant you see how far he is going and how controlling it is?

I'm a HCP, and was friendlier with patients in my 20s - likely to meet through teams (sport, not microsoft), or activities. 27yo have hundreds of FB friends. I think you dealt with it properly - a friendly acquaintance.

Your DH is a sneak (refriending his colleague after all the fuss), a bully. Get rid! It will be a battle as he won't want to lose his cash source, but for every day you're married he gets more rights.

You can regret it for a short time or you can regret it for a long time. I would choose the short time and get out of this toxic marriage now. Then live the rest of your life in freedom without having this controlling monster constantly monitoring and berating you.

Omg OP your husband is beyond controlling. He is also emotionally abusive, and you sound scared of him. You can be friends with who you want, it isn’t up to him. I bet he controls other areas of your life too. It’s no way to live. He is extremely unreasonable, and you haven’t done anything wrong.

Your husband sounds like an absolute lunatic, no way on earth could I put up with an hour of that shite, let alone a lifetime.

It must be some new house for you to feel it is worth living like this...
You have financial independence and the rest of your life to live... a few months.. a year of hassle to free yourself of this horrible man is surely worth it.
It might appear daunting but you are so much luckier than many many women who are in unhappy/abusive marriages.. the door is open for you to walk away.
Get your life back.

She didn't fuck up at all.