I was in the wrong, AIBU to be disappointed anyway?

Op you are out of his league and you earn a lot more money than he does. He desperately wants to keep you for the financial benefits and the fact that you make him look good. But at the same time you highlight his inferiority which makes him feel threatened, leading him to become domineering and aggressive.

Somebody who constantly accuses you of cheating is often cheating themself (or trying to). Your marriage sounds toxic, how can either of you be happy? Calling you names (vile, disgusting) is abusive and definitely being done to punish you.

'I actually have a really good job and earn twice what my husband does.'

and that is the problem in your marriage.

Your 'd'h is very controlling as to whom you can and can't have as ' friends ' on social media.

I suspect he is controlling in many other ways.

2 huge red flags here.

A month later I was in work and a friend request popped up and it was from the practitioner. I remembered his name and accepted

A HCP should never do this, completely inappropriate. You shouldn’t have accepted him, you should have reported him as this is a breech and goodness knows what else ye is doing, so best people have eyes on him.

About an hour later my DH asked me who this new guy was on my Facebook, I told him who it was and all hell broke lose

That’s abusive and controlling. My DH would have zero idea who I have as contacts as he’s not an abusive husband.

You’re describing a controlling and abusive relationship. Have you ever done any education around domestic abuse? If not I suggest you start with doing the freedom programme online, and read why does he do that.

Your husband is a cock and you should think about whether you want the rest of your life to be like this.
But the health care "professional" is also a cock and he absolutely should not have been searching for his patients on social media and sending friend requests.

All the men in this situation are incredibly inappropriate. WTF was this employee doing? He was inappropriate. Your husband was correct to think so. However, he is also a controlling jealous nutter. He checks your phone? Please consider leaving him for a happier, healthier relationship with a man who actually likes you. He seems to also be threatened by your success which tracks.

Can you not see that this is controlling behaviour?

The hassle of the divorce will be worth it not to have to put up with this man anymore.

I would be asking why your husband clearly doesn't trust you - is it because he plays away from home as if often the case with possessive relationships?

The health worker absolutely should not have added you as a friend though - that is hugely crossing a line

OP, you say you have recently bought a new house and feel exhausted and worn down and cannot face the thought of a divorce, which I can understand. But the real question for you is - can you go on living like this? Your husband sounds controlling, abusive and quite frankly unhinged.

You walk on eggshells and live in fear of the repercussions of breaking his unwritten and constantly changing "rules". He clearly has no respect for you or he could not behave like this. He is emotionally abusive.

Imagine your life in 10 years time. You could be an even more fearful, worn down version of who you are now saying yes sir, no sir 3 bags full sir, or you could be your own woman, in a home of your own growing older and living only by your own rules. He will not get better or change but he may well get even worse. You say you are not financially dependant on him, so get out now before you feel even less able to break away from this coercive control.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt escaping a man very like your husband. Everything about my life improved. Please don't settle for this as you life. Sending love and support - oh and huge congratulations on passing your exams, well done!

Fucking hell … like wtaf??? I’m so confused here OP!! I filtered merely your replies… have you read what you’ve written… can you logically in anyway think it’s acceptable to be treated like this?

Firstly, bloody huge congrats on your recent passing of the chartership. Flipping amazing. Look at you!!! You’re bright, you’re successful - you earn an amazing salary. You are a professional. You are a clever, wonderful woman.

Secondly, I’ll put to one side what the HCP did as being unprofessional as in a way in grateful he did it cos it made you post on here for advice

Thirdly - now this is big… your ‘D’H is one coercive, controlling, insecure, manipulative, cruel piece of work. And you my lady deserve so much fucking more in life. Because you are one hell of a queen.

Now boot him out and live your life!

I’m confused - what are you in the wrong for?

You are in a good position. Just leave, rent a room and push forward until the divorce is final and property is divided. You don’t have to speak to him again, hire a solicitor.

Good grief!
Please leave him! I have loads of men on my facebook and I talk to whomever I want!

He is ultra controlling.
Do you really want to live like this for the rest of your life??
Really?

LTB. He's nuts. I had a sulky ex, put up with it too long. It's exhausting. Saying you don't know the rules, that's just crazy. He's rude, immature and controlling.

OP, my dear, you have a BIG problem
it is called coercive control

You have massive problems with this man.

You can't seriously consider staying with him surely?

This. I am sorry but your DH is controlling and abusive and probably has a chip on his shoulder that you already earn more than him.

Please speak to a women’s support charity and plan leaving. My DH never looks at my phone, my socials, or even my post. This is not normal behaviour.

Im sorry but he has more than a few screws loose. This is an INSANE way to live

It is crazy that he regularly checks your FB friends to see who else has been added. This is a form of coercive control. And from everything else you have described in terms of his behaviour and reactions he sounds very troubled and unpleasant. He sound horrible OP, sorry not much else to say.

Your husband is threatened by your success and further threatened by the fact that a much younger man is interested in you. I'd say he's very aware that he's punching above his weight with you.

Yes a divorce would be painful but if you don't have joint children once its done its done. If you stay married this will be the rest of your life. Please leave him.

Wow. You are an intelligent adult women who is being bashed over the head with an emotional stick.
His insecurities are awful. There is no need for the relentless bullying because you added someone on instagram.
After all your hard work, he couldn’t bring himself to celebrate with you.
Very controlling.

Aside from that the healthcare professional behaved inappropriately by making contact.

Lastly, congratulations on your exams. 💐

Your husband is controlling. He is a huge red flag.

I’ve just read some of your responses. Your husband’s rules and regulations are not ok.